"Ahhh… Dafuq is this? Dafuq it that?" I groaned as I looked about the the wrecked room in which I found myself.
My hands were covered in a familiar material, Skyforge Steel, something I hadn't seen in decades. To my left, a DragonBone GreatBow, the tool I used to hunt those mouthy wyverns Tamriel calls Dragons. Taking off my gauntlet revealed a fully human hand and exploring my face revealed that it was me, Dio.
I hadn't reverted to my glorious giant lizard man form.
When Rin Tohsaka emerged from her basement, I couldn't help but chuckle, "Someone putzed the summoning."
Stricken with realization her eyes widened, "All the clocks were an hour early this morning!"
"Meaning it's now 1AM." I added helpfully.
"Not 2AM." she sighed.
"Don't feel too bad about it." I smiled, "After all, you wound up summoning me. I may be in my weakest possible configuration as an Archer, and my stats aren't as strong as they should be due to the location, but I assure you Rin: You ain't never had a friend like me."
"I didn't introduce myself." She hissed in that beloved Rin Tohsaka complete lack of social skill.
"And that is one reason why you should rejoice." I smiled, "As I have an approximate knowledge of many things."
"You claim to know me?" She demanded an answer.
"Not of any intimacy, but I have the basic rundown." I grinned, "And it is good that neither of us have a wish for the Grail, we both want to prove to the world that we are the best in battle against the greatest foes available."
"Fine then." Rin nodded, "What else do you know that we can use to our advantage in our pursuit of victory?"
"No need for verbose speech." I told her, "We are partners chosen for compatibility, you've nothing to prove with me here, but in truth we have an uphill battle unless you accept my Noble Phantasm and the need to employ it as soon as possible."
"And what is so wretched about your Phantasm that will cause me to reject you?" she once again demanded the answer.
"EX Rank: Cannibal King." I grinned showing off my comically jagged and sharp teeth.
Not a feature I usually sport, but definitely not the worst thing that can happen to a hero. Arthur, your genderbend has netted you Unlimited Simp Works, but your sacrifice serves as an example to the rest of us: It could always be worse.
"C..C…Cannibal!" She shrieked, possibly reaching for pearls that just aren't there right now.
"That's right." I continued to smile, "Any servants we slay will not dematerialize, but instead remain physical for me to devour. I can plunder ten percent of a Servants True Stats, and have a possibility to take their Skills and even Noble Phantasms."
"That… that can't be." She gasped, in awe or revulsion I don't know.
"Welcome to the EX rank." I grinned, "And don't judge me. If you magus could gain power by eating each other there wouldn't be any of you left."
"Touché." she admitted, not denying the ruthless selfishness of the magus.
"Unfortunately for us, my legend in this form originates from an entirely different universe, as such my stats are nowhere near where they should be. At least my skills and Phantasms are strong, and there are three Servants in this war with masters unable to supply them with energy. Caster will easily overcome this handy cap, but Rider, and Saber will require new masters to operate at their true capacity. Along with the Epic Spirit Assassin, their are 4 easy targets for us to slay and cannibalize, at which point I should be strong enough to take on the real threats in this war."
"So Berserker and Lancer are the real enemies?" she asked to confirm her deduction.
"Indeed. Berserker would be a ringer in any war, but Lancer is a particular problem for me as he has B rank Protection from Arrows. Even with my A rank Aim skill he has more than enough ability to close the gap and engage me where he is strongest."
"That is a problem." She muttered.
"It is indeed a shame I was summoned in the Archer configuration." I sighed, "Even though my Saber Configuration has slightly worse stats, my Noble Phantasm would allow me to face tank even the worst attacks this war could throw at me. Outside of the Archer from the last war getting involved."
"The Archer from the last war?" her face grimaced.
"Indeed, your father's old Servant is still around. He teamed up with Kotomine and the two are in prime position to upturn this current war, especially since Kotomine tore the arm off Lancer's Master and took her command seals."
"That shitty priest." she growled.
"Best if we don't go anywhere near them until we are strong enough to destroy them." I suggested.
"Agreed." Rin nodded.
I fumbled around the wreckage and produced two bottles of wine, my nose for vice guiding me to the supremely expensive Domaine de la Romanee-Conti bottles. A little bit of magecraft got the bottles into perfect drinking condition.
"To jolly cooperation!" I grinned and handed her a bottle.
"To victory in the coming battles!" she smiled and we both tossed our heads back and didn't come back down until half our bottles were gone.
"Chugging DRC." I grinned, "That's the kind of heresy I live for."
Rin and I spent the next hour going over the probable Servant line up as we polished off more of her father's private supply.
"So you eat people." A thoroughly flushed Rin stated.
"Yeah." I answered, also flushed from having learned long ago how to suspend my liver's filtration of liquor.
"You ever eat pussy?" she grinned and spread her legs on her sofa.
"Hmmm. Ass too." I answered.
"What?" she squawked and drew her knees up to her chest.
"It's… 2004 right now. Give it ten years and eating ass will be standard." I nodded sagely.
"No way, that's filthy!" she shrieked.
"Yep. By 2014 everybody is going to be eating everyone's ass." I informed her.
"Would you… want me to eat your ass?" she spoke just above a whisper.
"Not unless you had a friend working my hog already." I informed her, "I am all about order of operations, and there is really only one position that makes a man look less like a bitch when he is getting his salad tossed and it requires two girls for the task."
"Gah… that's still so gross." she spat.
After dematerializing my armor, I'd been left in a leather and linen suit, allowing me to comfortably take a seat next to my young master and finish off what my A ranked Charisma Skill started, slipping an arm around her and pulling her up into a kiss.
Pulling back I pushed her back onto the sofa and spread her thick thighs, "I didn't miss the invitation."
A quick maneuver had her panties pulled off and her ridiculously short miniskirt pushed up her hips revealing a hairless pink pussy with a hefty imperforate hymen. Thank God for sex magic otherwise that would be a problem later. Like my dear friend Marcus Fenix, 'I hate it when they're all crying and shit'.
Mad love to that bro.
Rin had her hands in my long hair quickly after I dived down for the feast, working that virgin pussy over with everything I had short of Polymorphy. Four orgasms in I threw off my jacket and shirt and pushed her legs a little higher than before, taking some time to show her why the practice would soon be standard.
The animalistic moans revealed that the message was received loud and clear.
My work completed, it was time for play as I stood up and kicked off my boots and pants, revealing more man meat than the sweet Tohsaka would have ever expected to encounter. I hit her with a quick spell and pulled her top off before mounting her and lining up.
"What was that spell?" She managed to demand, having become far more clear headed in the hour I'd been working her over with my tongue.
"Takes away the pain of what comes next." I informed her as I pushed into her center in a maneuver that would've left a girl as heavily endowed with virginity as her screaming in pain.
Instead all I got was a gasp of pleasure and a whispered, "Damn."
"You look so beautiful right now." I smiled and she pulled me into a kiss as I began working deeper and deeper into her.
Our coupling slowly became more frantic as I neared the finish and finally came inside her, kissing the entire time.
Not done with the girl I stood us up and hooked my hands under her thighs, pumping her in the air like it was my job until I once again clocked out, this time laying her down in her bed and taking up the spot next to her under the covers.
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Servant: Dio (Archer)
Parameters
Strength: C+ (38)
Endurance: A++ (50 Grail War Imposed Cap)
Agility: D (25)
Mana: E- (10 Unstable)
Luck: B (42)
Noble Phantasm: EX
Skills
Magic Resistance: C
Independent Action: A
Aim: A
Battle Continuation: EX
Thick Skin: C (Nullifies Strike and Projectile Damage C rank and Below)
Blood Rage: A (Upon Entering Battle can temporarily +Strength and ++Endurance, becoming incapable of feeling pain and regenerating rapidly at the cost of massively increased prana consumption)
Noble Phantasms
Cannibal King: EX (Servants do not dematerialize upon death, allowing Dio to consume them to pilfer 10% of their stats and possible take Skills and Noble Phantasms. Upon Master kill, the servant quickly loses energy until left as a normal human stat wise)
The Atronach: A (50% of incoming magic attacks are converted to usable energy)
Dragon Piercing Shot: A (Anti Fortress, launch one Energy Beam style attack)