I was a fool.
Yes, I was mad, because only a madman would have been obsessed with a woman to such an extent as to lose the lucid state of mind that had always set him apart.
My ... Ginevra ... or whatever her name was ... had made me lose my mind.
Only she was able to destroy my self-control and push me to say and do things that were out of character for me.
One glance was enough to feel the lock of the cage which held my most primitive instincts open wide.
It was enough for our bodies to get in touch for even a moment to feel at the mercy of a dark, deep, and unstoppable desire that made me restless and frustrated.
I wanted her. I was crazy about her, but there was always something holding me back. A chain that anchored me to my family's teachings, which had made me suspicious and mistrustful of anyone.
Besides, my impatient urge was held at bay by the fear and fragility that I often read on Ginevra's face.
Only her smiles and the happiness she sometime showed gave me the strength to live with that paralyzing desire, filling me with warmth and peace.
However, the mystery about her identity was like a knife in my heart and, after discovering her connection with the Rinaldis, that torture had become unbearable.
I knew that a person from the Rinaldi clan inside my club could only seek death at the hands of an Orlando, but Ginevra had never given me reason to doubt her and her good intentions.
Besides, I was in love with her.
Yes, I loved her.
And I hated her for her lies. Too much to not lose control when I found out who she was, but not enough to push me get rid of her.
The fear of falling in love with an illusion pierced my soul, but the very idea of losing it chilled the blood in my veins.
However, the issue was still pending.
I had not understood if it was really Ginevra Rinaldi or someone with her name.
For a moment I really thought I had Edoardo Rinaldi's real daughter on my hands, but it was impossible!
All that Brian Esposito had told me about his girlfriend, what was said about the girl's health problems and finally the skill as a waitress of the woman I knew ...
No, the Ginevra I knew could not have been Edoardo Rinaldi's daughter. It was impossible to believe that such a lucky girl could run away from her father or that he was not mobilizing half the city to find her!
Yet Ginevra seemed sincere when she had told me her name.
A case of homonymy! Or a second or third degree kinship bond!
I didn't know, but at that moment I just wanted to be able to trust the woman I loved and get rid of the feeling I had to wipe her out.
Of course, the fear of being deceived had not entirely vanished and I hadn't lied when I told her I'd be ready to destroy her in the event she was making fun of me.
How though? I didn't know and part of me kept wondering how far I could go in case I found out I had lost my mind for a person who wouldn't hesitate to play with my feelings.
I had always hated the strong, brutal, and coercive ways of my family but I felt that I could have made an exception in Ginevra's case, if she had deceived me to the point of breaking my heart.
The kiss I was giving her at that moment reflected all the desperation and torment for what I felt.
I was confused, destroyed, furious and in love.
When did I fall in love with you?
I didn't know it, but I remembered that when she had cooked for me and fed me, I had felt my heartbeat for the first time.
One day, Ginevra had cried saying that someone hadn't thought of her for years.
Well, I wasn't doing much better either, since I hadn't spoken to anyone in my family for seven years and whoever cooked for me was paid to do it.
Ginevra had been the first woman who made me feel special, just as I had done with her. Not even my mother from what I remembered, since she died when I was four.
It was precisely this genuine simplicity and this pure love that she put into everything she did that had struck me so much I wanted to be with her forever, even if we had known each other only for a few weeks.
"Lorenzo," Ginevra called me back to the present.
I had brought her to my room and had her lie down on the bed.
Without even taking off my clothes, I put myself on top of her and started kissing and stroking her like I had never done with her before.
"I didn't lie to you when I confessed to you, I am a virgin," she said in an anxious voice.
I was stuck for a moment, because I really never believed it and I didn't expect it.
"Do you trust me?" I asked, kissing her gently. I had to go easy on her.
"Yup."
"Then everything will be all right," I whispered, taking off her shirt and lowering her bra straps.
I kissed her chest which lifted with each broken and labored breath, while my mouth slid on her white, soft, and silky skin.
Her scent was simple, clean, and innocent, but at the same time it was aphrodisiac and bewitching.
Despite the impatience of my excitement claiming to be satisfied, I took it easy.
I took off her pants and panties together, under Ginevra's gaze clouded by desire, yet frightened.
"You are beautiful," I whispered back to her.
I stroked her, kissed her, sucked her, running down her throat to the earlobes and her mouth hatched and panting.
Her every breath and groan were an attack on my mental health.
I had to force myself into a self-control that I wasn't used to, while I touched it and discovered her most erogenous parts, such as the hips, the breast, the base of the neck, the wrists and the groins.
"Lorenzo," she gasped with pleasure when I lowered her bra and drew circles with my tongue around her turgid and excited nipples.
I took one in my mouth and started to suck it. At first slowly and then more and more voraciously, while with one hand I took the other between my thumb and forefinger, starting to torment it, tease it and pull it harder and harder.
"Please," she moaned exhausted by the tension that was shaking her deeply.
I could read the pleasure in which he was drowning in her eyes.
I put a hand between her thighs and caressed her with my thumb which immediately got wet.
I felt the throbbing pleasure under my fingers as I slowly penetrated her to make room for my turgid member.
I kissed her on the mouth hungry for me and for what she was getting.
Then I took a condom from the bedside table.
I put it on and saw Ginevra staring at me and swallowing hard.
She knew that the long-awaited moment had arrived.
A part of her could not wait to give vent to all the tension that was consuming her, while a part was aware that that union of our bodies would make her mine forever and there would no longer be anyone able to get her away from me.
I started kissing and touching her again, letting her do the same with me.
Her shy gestures, her delicate caresses with which she touched my hair, face, shoulders, and pectoral muscles, managed to set me on fire and shape me like clay in her hands.
"I love you, Lorenzo. I really love you," Ginevra told me as I lifted her hips slightly to take her more gently.
"I love you too," I found myself answering her, feeling my heart explode with fear and feeling for her.
I was terrified of what I felt for her, but the more I went on, the more I realized that she was the only person able to make my days bright and make me happy.
As soon as the tip of my penis touched her, a cry of excitement and anxiety escaped her, which I stifled with a deep and very long kiss.
Only when I felt Ginevra was ready again, did I try to get closer and slowly penetrate her to the end, going back and forth several times to get used to that invasion that filled and upset her.
It was torture to control and dose that assault when I just wanted to let go, but I couldn't afford it since Ginevra was a virgin and too innocent not to be easily frightened.
Only when I felt her labored breathing coordinate with mine and his body arching against mine in a primitive, sensual, and carnal dance, I increased the thrusts.
Getting closer to orgasm, I leaned on my elbows and started kissing her breast again and playing with her nipples with my tongue. Meanwhile, with one hand, I returned to her intimacy and did the same thing with her swollen and sensitive clitoris.
"Lorenzo, I ..." gasped Ginevra, now at the limit.
"Let me hear how much you like it," I whispered in her ear, increasing the intensity of my touch.
In an instant, Ginevra exploded into an orgasm that made her vagina contract around my penis. The spasms were so strong and long that they dramatically increased the pleasure I felt, so much so that after a few seconds, I followed her in an overflowing, impetuous and bewildering enjoyment.
I had never enjoyed so much and for such a long time in my life.
When I came out of Ginevra, I realized that I was short of breath and my heartbeat crazy in my ribcage.
I lay down beside her, but she immediately ran to hug me in search of that warmth that my indifference had taken away.
I hugged her tightly.
"I wish this moment would last forever," she whispered softly.
"Me too." I placed many light kisses on her face until she fell asleep.
Her calm and peaceful breathing warmed my soul and after a long time I felt at peace with myself and with the whole world.