I'd found the therapist online since that was the only way I could be sure that my mother wouldn't find out about it , but I knew it was something I had to do for my babies. I needed, wanted to be whole for them. Something I was never able to give their dad. Now I tore the tissue Reena gave me to shreds in my nervous hands as all the horrible things my mother could do to this family came to mind. I think I'm going to throw up.
I finally looked at Reena and was sure she could see the helplessness in my eyes. But still, the words wouldn't come. I could never share that shame with anyone, especially not Cadmus or anyone associated with him. I can't ever let him know how weak I am, how pathetic my life has been. He'd had such a joyful upbringing. His parents' home was covered with the images that were proof of that.
I'd always get a melancholic jolt whenever I looked at one of those photos that lined the walls of their hallway. Each caption showed a laughing, smiling Cadmus in differing stages of his life, ending with a full portrait of him and I on our wedding day. My childhood home had been so bare of such images that I'd started to forget what my dad looked like.
"Come on; I hear the boys coming back in. The groceries should be delivered soon, and you look like you could use a rest." No way. I can't rest while Cadmus has my boys. What if he snatches them away while I'm asleep? My eyes flew to the door where I could hear the sound of Cadmus 's voice coming from beyond as he talked to our sons.
I could see the brightness in his eyes while talked to Cayden and Calen about something that I couldn't hear as they were still quite far from my way.
I got to my feet when she did, and we both headed for the door, she with more confidence than I felt. She's right that I needed to rest. Although I'd fallen asleep easily enough the night before, for the first time in fact, since I felt so safe with Cadmus there. But it was also because of him that I'd awakened in the middle of the night and laid awake into the wee morning hours just staring up at ceiling.
I felt some of my panic disappear at the sight of the three of them and smiled when Cayden reached for me. I was beginning to think he'd forgotten about me. Cadmus looked as if he wasn't willing to pass the baby back to me, and there was an odd silence for a few seconds as I stood close to him for the first time. He finally relented, and I breathed a sigh of relief.
"I think they're ready for a nap. I had the staff set something up until the rest of the stuff for the nursery gets here later."
"I don't think the things you ordered will be here today; it's already almost closing hours. Maybe we should…"
"No! My sons are never sleeping anywhere but under my roof from now on. You may leave, though, if that's what you prefer."