I feel sudden chill every time Cadmus's eyes touch me no matter how fleeting. I never knew how awful it would feel to be left out like this until he so bluntly told the sales clerk that I was not his wife, in essence, saying that I was not part of the bond that was he and our sons. That pain was as harsh as a punch to the jaw.
Now I feel exposed and foolish as I follow him around the store being ignored by all. I had no say in anything, and it was as if he was the one who had the experience raising a children since almost everything he chose would've been my first choice as well. I started to feel jealous since ever since that first look from my boys, my little boys had clung to their daddy, and it was as if I no longer existed.
I know that I'm being silly, that my child hasn't forgotten me in one day, but it still hurts the ease with which he'd taken to his dad. I can't really fault my little guy, though. Hadn't I done pretty much the same when Calen and I first met? I guess it's true what they say about some men having the power to charm women and babies.
This would've been ideal, of course, if their dad and I were still together, but with the situation being what it is, I can't help but be uneasy. The way Cadmus is acting, I'm sure that he hates me, which makes me doubly sure that he would try to keep me out of my son's life.
Just the thought brought me close to panic, and I had to keep reminding myself that the babies still feeding on my breast milk, and it would be horrendous to take that away from them. And since Cad only wants what's best for his sons, he'd never do that to them. That didn't help ease my fears for long, though, especially when Cadmus picked up a book from the little book area titled, How to rock it as a single father. I thought I was going to die.