Nakakapasong araw ang sumalubong sa amin nang lumabas kami ng bahay at dumiretso sa baybayin. The waves were calm but the wind blew harshly against us. I squinted and covered my forehead with my hands as the sunlight reflected against my vision. Yellow flags were also dancing with the wind.
The heaven was peaceful. It was filled with white and thick clouds. Bagay ito sa maputi at mapinong buhangin ng Anda, Bohol. Talisay and coconut trees were all over the area, so as the green mountains.
"Nanay!" Tari called me. Her smiles radiated like a sun.
I gripped my robe and clung it around my body. Kagigising ko lang pero ang hyper na ni Tari. She woke me up just to tell me she wanted to see the sunrise but it's already eight in the morning when we got here. The sun was up already.
I went to her with a smile on my face. Waking up everyday with the sight of my lovely child kept me alive. I couldn't ask for more.
"Did you find a shell, Tari?" Tanong ko sa kanya. She shook her head and showed me something instead.
It was a heart-shaped leaf. Its color was a combination of red and brown but its stalk was dry brown.
"I love you, Nay!" She grinned, revealing her little teeth.
"I love you too, Tari." I bended forward and kissed her forehead. "Uuwi na ba tayo?"
"Yesh, pleash," she replied.
I held her little hand and we walked back the way to our payag house. Walking distance lang din, just enough to wind down.
"Gutom ka na?" I asked Tari.
"Egg, Nanay," she replied.
Sunny side-up egg was her favorite food in the morning paired in sinangag. I haf to cook the rice first before I would cook sinangag. Wala kasing natitirang luto sa gabi. Inuubos namin sa mga alaga naming hayop.
When we arrived in our payag house, I locked the door so Tari won't come out. Natuto na ako sa nangyari dati. Muntik ng mawala si Tari.
"Meow," Amboki welcomed us. Tumakbo papunta si Tari sa kanya.
"I'll cook your favorite egg, Tari. Play ka muna with Mingming. Okay?"
She nodded obediently. I smiled before I went to our kitchen.
While cooking Tari's favorite egg, biglang tumunog ang cellphone ko dahil sa notification. Hininaan ko ang apoy saka in-open ang cellphone. Sherilyn messaged me.
Sherilyn
Nakapag-enroll ka na ba?
I turned off my phone again and went back to what I was doing. Hinain ko na ang itlog at nilagay ang bawang na dinikdik ko. I prepared the cooked rice. Kapag medyo brown na ang bawang, saka ko lang ilalagay 'yong kanin.
Tumunog ulit ang cellphone ko. 'Di ko muna pinansin. Sinilip ko kung ano ang ginagawa ni Tari. She was playing with Mingming.
"Careful, Tari. Baka makalmot ka ni Mingming."
She just glanced at me then continued playing with Amboki.
When I was done cooking, naghain na ako ng pagkain sa mesa. Amboki stopped playing with Tari because she went to me. Agad siyang tumuntong sa bakanteng upuan at pinanood akong naghahanda.
"Help, Nay?" She asked sweetly.
"Sure, Tari. Get two glasses. Please?"
She got two plastic glasses and put them on the table. She took her seat in front of me where she sat next to Mingming.
"Did you wash your hands already?" I asked her.
"No, Nanay."
"Let's wash our hands first."
I carried her to the sink. She was still small that she can't reach the sink yet. Binasa ko muna ang kamay niya bago sinabunan at binanlawan ulit.
"Done, Nanay!" She cheerfully said.
"Yehey! Let's eat na?"
"Yesh, pleash."
I put a small amount of sinangag on her plate and her favorite sunny side-up egg. Maingat niyang ginamit ang kanyang kutsara. She's been practicing to use it para maging independent siya.
"Did you like it?" I asked her and she quickly nodded, enjoying her egg.
"Tenchu, Nay," she smiled.
"You're welcome."
When we were done eating, nagligpit ako ng pinagkainan namin while Tari was playing with her doll house. Pinakain ko sila Amboki at Keziah. After that, I washed all the dishes and utensils. Niligpit ko rin ang mga 'yon pagkatapos.
After that, I checked my phone and read Sherilyn's new messages. Tinatanong niya pa rin ako kung ano ang balak ko. So, to clarify things out, tinawagan ko siya. Nasagot naman niya agad.
"Ano na, day?" Bungad niya. "Nakapag-enroll ka na ba?"
"Hindi pa eh. Inaasikaso ko pa lang ang mga requirements ko."
"Diyan ka lang naman ata ulit sa Cebu, 'di ba?"
"Oo naman. 'Di na rin ako lalayo."
"'Yon naman pala eh. Eh si Tari?"
"Maayos naman siya. Iiwan ko muna kay Mama. Isang taon lang naman eh."
"Sinabihan mo na rin ba si tita?"
Napahinga ako nang malalim.
"Hindi pa eh. Baka anong sasabihin ni Mama."
"Kung ganu'n, sino magbabantay kay Tari kung 'di papayag si tita?"
I swallowed. Hindi ako nakasagot sa tanong niya. Nagdadalawang-isip ako.
"Iwan mo muna 'yan sa isa niyang lola, day. Tutal willing to alaga naman sila."
"Ayoko," tutol ko agad. "Ayokong magkaroon ng koneksyon sa tatay niya."
"Isang taon lang naman 'yan. Saka as if naman magkakabalikan pa kayo ni Isaiah?"
"'Yon na nga. Ayokong makita ulit ang pagmumukha niya, Sherilyn. Buti nga 'di nagmana si Tari sa kanya!" Inis kong sabi.
Kinikilabutan ako habang iniisip na makita ulit si Isaiah. Matagal ko na siyang pinutol sa buhay namin ni Tari. Wala siyang kwenta! Sana mabulok siya sa impyerno!
"You decide, day," she said. "Isang taon lang. Graduating ka na rin eh. Sayang naman."
Graduating na nga sana. Tanga kasi kaya ayon! Wasak lahat ng pangarap. Nasira pa ang pamilya ko dahil sa katangahan ko noon.
"Sige, day," sabi ko. "Mamaya ulit. Papaliguan ko muna si Tari."
"Sige, day. Balitaan mo ako."
"Sige. Bye."
I ended the call. I sighed and went to my daughter.
"Let's wash up na, Tari," sabi ko habang naglalakad papunta sa kanya.
"Play, Nanay," she replied.
I sat next to her. Pinanood ko siyang inaayos ang doll house niya.
"Let's play after you wash up. You like bubbles, 'di ba?"
"Okay," sagot niya. Parang napilitan pa.
I prepared her new clothes first then I removed her old one. Binalot ko siya sa puting tuwalya at kinarga. She was just silent while playing her fingers.
"A-B-C-E-F-G," kanta ko. "H-I-J-K-L-M-N-O-P."
She showed me her five fingers. They were so cute and little!
"Five little ducks went up the hill. Over the field and far away. Mommy duck said, "Quack! Quack! Quack!" But only four little ducks came back."
She clapped her hands. Natuwa naman ako sa kanya. She is so innocent. I won't let the world, neither other people, take that away from her. And no matter what will happen, she will always be... my favorite mistake.
Pagkatapos ko siyang paliguan ay binihisan ko siya ng flowery dress. I put petroleum jelly on her skin bago ko sinuutan ng diaper. Her skin is so sensitive just like Isaiah's.
"Ang bango bango naman ng baby ko. Beh... tignan nga natin,"
Tumili na siya kahit 'di ko pa siya nakikiliti. Para siyang si Isaiah na sobrang kapit ng kiliti sa kanyang tagiliran.
"Nanay!" Tumili siya.
"Awoohhh!"
Tili lang siya nang tili. I brushed my face against her belly which made her squeal.
"Nanay!" She squealed.
I chuckled. Napagod ako kalalaro sa kanya. I breathed in deeply to catch some breath.
"You want to watch cartoon?" I asked her.
"Pleash,"
"Okay!"
Pinaupo ko siya sa mahabang upuan na gawa sa kahoy. Nilagyan ko ng unan ang likod niya at doon siya sumandal.
I turned on the television and watched my daughter waiting patiently for her favorite cartoon to play. Her brown eyes were blinking.
Nasasanay na rin ako sa ganitong buhay. Para sa anak ko, kakayanin ko. I know I made a lot of mistake but instead of blaming and drowning myself with regrets, gagamitin ko lahat ng pagkakamali ko para matuto at makayanan ang hinaharap.
"You okay there, Tari?" Tanong ko. She glanced at me and nodded.
She focused on watching her favorite Adventure Time na cartoon. She really likes Princess Bubblegum. Kaya noong unang taon niya ay pink ang theme color ng kanyang celebration. I dressed her like Princess Bubblegum.
Hinanap ko ang cellphone ko at nagbukas ng facebook app. I scrolled on my newsfeed until I saw a video post about Isaiah.
"I am happy and I focus more on my career rather than anything. Sa ngayon, I have no plans on dating a woman," aniya nang nakangiti pa.
I puffed up my chest. Anger roused to my chest.
Ang kapal naman ng mukha niyang maghanap pa ng ibang babae! Ni pagiging ama nga niya kay Tari 'di niya magampanan!
I hate him! I hate him to death! Bakit ba ako nabaliw sa taong 'to? Wala naman 'tong kwentang lalaki!
"But if you would to describe your future girlfriend, what would she look like? Or what are her characteristics?"
He chuckled. Gusto niya 'yang tanong na 'yan! Good luck nalang talaga sa future girlfriend niya! Magsama sila!
"I think she is sweet, caring and patient. She should understand that this is my work and masasagasaan talaga ang time naming dalawa."
Peke akong tumawa at umirap nalang. 'Yan ang mga linyahan niyang nakaka-anticipate ng mga babae. He sounds humble but deep inside his intention is to brag himself.
Kilala na kita, Isaiah. Pity on those girls who are crazy over you.
Nag-pop up sa screen ko ang chathead ni Mariah. I opened it and read her message.
Mariah
May nakausap akong graduating student ng Medicine next year.
He's planning to enroll in Cebu.
I told him na kailangan mo ng kasabay
So I gave him your facebook account
Kayo na ang mag-usap
He added you pala
Accept nalang
I closed the chathead and went directly to my friend request. May lalaking bago sa listahan ng requests ko. Tinignan ko rin ang notification ko at nandoon din ang pangalan niya.
Savarihana De Leon sent you a friend request
I stalked his profile. Of course I had to check him. Bago siya sa paningin ko. Pero dahil si Mariah naman 'yon, I accepted Savarihana's friend request.
I scrolled down on his newsfeed. Ang dami niyang sharedposts na nakakatawa. Pinanood ko ang ilan and I found myself laughing. Nag-react ako ng "haha" sa sharedpost niya.
A chathead popped up on my screen. I paused the video and read the message.
Savarihana De Leon
Hi
You're Mariah's friend, no?
I glanced at Tari. She was still watching cartoons. I went to her so I could watch over her.
"Hi, Tari," I kissed her head and caressed her auburn hair.
Nag-reply ako sa chat ni Savarihana. I think mapagkakatiwalaan naman siya.
Thalasso Yanson
Yes. So ikaw pala 'yong kakilala niya.
Savarihana De Leon
She asked me if saan ako mag-aaral this year. And nabanggit nga niya na you're also a graduating student ng medicine
Thalasso Yanson
Yes. Pero 'di pa ako nakakapag-enroll. Busy pa ako and I'm still completing all my requirements
Savarihana De Leon
Ako naman transferee. Hindi ko pa nalalakad 'yong requirements ko
Thalasso Yanson
Saan ka ba mag-aaral?
Savarihana De Leon
Sa Cebu. Ikaw?
Thalasso Yanson
Malalaman pa. Baka same school nalang
Savarihana De Leon
Same school?
Thalasso Yanson
Oo. Sa CDU.
Savarihana De Leon
Ah okay. I heard about that school. I'm thinking of considering it.
Thalasso Yanson
Why not, 'di ba?
Savarihana De Leon
Is it okay if sabay na tayo magpa-enroll? Taga-saan ka ba?
Thalasso Yanson
Nasa Bohol ako ngayon. Ikaw?
Savarihana De Leon
Nandito sa Carcar
Kailan ka ba magpapa-enrol?
Thalasso Yanson
'Di pa ako sure. Balitaan kita. Ikaw?
Savarihana De Leon
Sabay na tayo. Malayo pa naman ang pasukan.
Thalasso Yanson
Pero 'di ba transferee ka?
I think you should process your requirements now para 'di ka maggahol
Savarihana De Leon
Sure
Balitaan nalang kita
I'd like to consider CDU
Thalasso Yanson
Good luck!
After our small chat, I switched off my phone and focused on my baby. Humiga ako sa kanyang paa at pinagmasdan siya. She smiled widely while her eyes on the tv screen. She ran her palm on my hair.
"I love you," bulong ko.