I felt weak as I sat there, watching myself walk through the hospital's length with my dog. At some point, he looked st me, but then turned and continhed walking. The video soon stopped, once I stepped out of the clinic. My eyes filled. I'm really going crazy. The doctor leaned back, watching me. "From your expression, I guess you didn't see what you wanted to see." He stood and leaned towards me, reaching a hand to my shoulder in a comforting way. "If you need to consult a doctor, or you just need my assistance, I'm here." He pulled out his card and gave it to me, opening my palm and dropping it in, then closing it firmly around it. "I'm sorry" he said again, then tapped my palm. I nodded weakly and forced myself to stand up. He watched me closely, and helped me with the door as I slowly walked out, and towards the main entrance. He stopped there as I slowly made my way home.
"Hey, Tony." He had run up to me excitedly, his tail wagging. He has always been a cheerful dog, but he has been extra cheerful these days. I didn't have the strength for it, though, or the right frame of mind. I was starting to suspect a lot of things. And my head felt too heavy. I knelt to his height, my fingers weaving into his hair. "Tony.." He gave a small bark, and I sat on the floor, crossing my legs under me, then brought him closer. "I don't know what's happening, Tony. I don't know what you are..but my heart has been broken so hard, so bad...you are the only one who's been a companion, carefully, and yeah, unknowingly, taking care of my broken heart. I want to believe you're nothing but my harmless little pet, my adorable husky." I swallowed, feeling the tears brewing behind my eyes. "But with everything staring right in my face, with everything pointing towards you not being just normal, I don't know what to do. I really don't." I let go of him and shook my head, dropping my head as the tears started streaming down. I let go of him to wipe it off and he just sat there, watching me as I cried my heart out, tired of everything. "Will it hurt to be just okay? Not sad, not fighting demons, not vulnerable, not heartbroken, just okay." I sniffed, and lightly touched his ears. "You know, Tony, my ex, I loved him with everything too. And maybe that's why I gave you his name. So I would have something to hold on to. To feel like he's still here. But my heart breaks a little more when I call your name. My heart breaks a little more when I call and its not him answering. Its not him running to me. Its not him keeping me company. It hurts right here, It does, like crazy." Keeping my head down, till the tears were only standing in my eyes and not fallimg like they were moments ago, I sniffed trying to keep my emotions in check till I reached my bed. I tapped him, and stood, making my way to my comfort place. Only God knew just how much tears my pillow had witnessed.
I managed to get some sleep later, and by the time I woke up, it was evening. I moved the large comforter away, wore my cute bunny slippers and made my way to the living room. Tony was sitting on the couch overlooking the window, his two front legs propping him up, while he sat on the hind ones. He seemed quiet, as if deep in thought as he stared out to the now darkening sky. "Tony?" He turned to me, gave a small bark and turned right back to watching the sky. I walked to him, and sat, facing the same direction he was, and patted his back. "Hey, little man. Interesting sky?" I said, then laughed at my joke. He didn't even bother looking at me. I guess it was peaceful, and I sat there with him too, looking up. I didn't know how long we just sat there in comfortable silence, watching the sky, till it cleared up and darkness engulfed the city, he main source of light streaming from the full moon. It was beautiful, and I stared at it, almost lost in awe. "That's beautiful." He gave a small bark. "Look at that, Tony. Look at that moon. I wonder how many things lurk behind that moon." I smiled up at it. He seemed to share my awe, and looked almost happy too. We sat there for much longer, watching the moon and the stars, my heart breaking with the memories of an item in a bucket list. "Stargazing together."
I had slept off next to my dog on the couch, and somewhere during the night i felt him move, but I was too sleepy to check. I simply turned over, allowing him space, and I heard him hop away. It all seemed like a dream by the time I woke up, but it obviously wasn't when I woke up and Tony was nowhere to be found. I didn't make looking for him a first priority, because I knew my dog was wise enough to put the house up for rent. I went straight to the bathroom, eyes closed, hitting my head twice while I tried to walk in. It was a small price to pay for being able to catch a few seconds of blissful sleep while I went to freshen up. I washed my face and brushed my teeth, then walked out a towel covering my face. I just hope I don't barge into something again. This head was already going through a lot. "Tony!" I screamed, after putting his food in his plate. "Tony!" I screamed again and turned to my room, but stopped midtrack. "I thought you'd never call. Way to treat your companion like he's invisible."