"You and Kara, of course, dear", that statement came from Raven who was accompanied by Alex's father Max. I don't know when did she come by but the look she was supporting was anything but sweet as she looked down at the woman on her son's arm.
Unbothered by the look she received the bombshell, we'll call her Betty boop because she sure does look like one, with short red hair and eyes like emerald and a body that possess the strength to make any male pant after her she leaned in towards Alex and asked in a honey-sweet voice, "Who's Kara?"
Silence, complete and utter silence engulfed us.
As Alex was busy having a stare-off with his parents, neither did any of our parents seemed to answer I raised my hand and pointed it towards me.
Betty gave me a once over and looked at Alex and then back at me. The answering smirk that spread over her blood-red full lips was my answer enough.
I for my part stood immobile and stole glances around to see if anyone was looking our way, too much attention just makes me uncomfortable and with the way things are going here I don't think I'll be able to stand my ground for too long.
I think Raven had enough of this stare-off competition because she leaned in Alex's ear and uttered a word, but because I was practically standing close to him I heard.
"Remember", that's it, just that word and he was immobile. With half a nod, as much as a statute could manage, "One moment please, I'll be back." Alex uttered that sentence and took hold of Betty's arm and went, totally cool, and collected the expressionless mask back on his face.
I saw Betty struggling and speaking with a speed that could give Eminem a run for his money, she turned around to look at me with so much disdain that I wanted this ground to open and swallow me whole but before I could smile back to lighten the mood they disappeared behind a door further down the corridor.
"Kara, you should really ignore his attitude, this news came as a shock to him, trust me he'll come along."Raven turned towards me with a guilt-ridden face and added with a soft smile that she is known for, "Why don't you mingle a little and have something to eat? Hmm..." she touched my arm and motioned for a waiter to come along.
Not knowing what to do, I looked at my parents. They too seemed a little put off by this encounter especially dad.
I could tell by the way he was narrowing his eyes that he wanted to grab Alex by his collar and demand what the hell this was all about.
Apparently, when my mom and Raven decided all this there wasn't supposed to be another woman involved, or Betty was there and Raven just didn't want mom to know?
Her behavior does seem a little odd to me especially when she just uttered a single word and Alex obeyed like an obedient little boy. It's not like he isn't obedient but the way he just went rigid, when a moment ago he was ready to throw hands.
I could smell something fishy here, but I wanted some space to think things through, especially after Alex's rude behavior at the prospect of marrying me.
I would admit that it did come as a shock not only to him but me too but this wasn't a way to deal. I was a little hurt, it wasn't like I was jumping up and down screaming a resounding yes, he didn't even acknowledge my presence.
The prospect of marrying him was at the behind of my mind ever since. Mom and Raven have a huge role in planting this seed in my mind. She two would whisper and giggle every time she would catch me and him playing together.
My young mind really liked the idea of us two getting married and that was why whenever we would play house I would choose Alex as my partner never once thinking that maybe he doesn't want any part in this.
He was 5 years older than me and was more sensible than I could ever be, maybe the reason why he never tried to keep in contact once gone was due to this fact.
He knew what our moms were planning to do and being the caring sensible boy that he was he wanted to distance us to avoid this moment, which followed nonetheless.
Confused and muddled I was not sure what to say or do, Yes I wanted to get married to him, but not like this when he already has a woman in his life.
And if I don't step back now, I think he'll forever hold this against me.
I don't want this on my conscience.
Besides if I put aside my jealousy towards Betty, she did seem like a good girl, beautiful, attractive, and sensible. Maybe she even loves him.
And he loves her back...
The air around me felt stiffed, the voices faded, the smiles seemed fake, and all of a sudden I wanted to run free. I feel humiliated and not to consider the fact that people have started noticing that something is off.
They were sneaking glances at me and then they would look at the door Alex and Betty disappeared behind. Maybe they have no idea and they are just being curious but I wanted to just go home now and shut myself up.
My heart just couldn't handle the rejection if Alex decided to choose Betty.
Taking my mother's hand in my hand I looked directly into her eyes and said "I'd like to go, home mom, I'm sure you can manage everything here" her shocked expressions were my answer enough.
"Kara, you can't, not like this at least wait to listen to what they have to say, it could be all a misunderstanding" Yes, it could be all a misunderstanding but the once over Betty awarded me with can't be ignored.
Nor can be the fact that my presence literally meant nothing to Alex he went right after her, though it could be partially due to the fact that we haven't been in contact for some time but we used to be close he could have at least shown me some respect not just completely ignore my presence.
But before mom or Alex's parents could say anything dad came to stand by me and squeezed my hand once before saying in that fatherly voice that held no argument, "Sweetheart if you feel like going, no one's going to stop you but remember if you want to stay and listen I'll be here."
This is the reason I love him the most he just understands, without me having to utter a single word. It would be cowardly to run now when the announcement hasn't been made.
But is there anything to say now? Looking up at dad I nodded and hugged him and mom once before saying goodbye to Raven and Max. Their drooping faces and heartbroken smile wasn't reason enough to stay right now.
What if Alex comes back and demands to know why I'm not refusing, I don't think I have the heart to get hurt by him twice in a row.
I quickened my pace as I tried to reach the exit before any of the guests here try to stop me and make small talk.
I still couldn't stop myself sneaking a glance at the closed door Alex and Betty disappeared behind.
They haven't emerged still and I don't know how long it'll take, taking a deep breath I went.
It was the hardest thing, the hardest thing I've ever done walking away still madly in love with him. I don't blame him though. It literally is nobody's fault but mine if I wasn't so hung up on him.
Stupid, so stupid of me.
I won't stand between them if Betty is what his heart desires.
I have no recollection of how I reached my cozy little apartment, but I did anyhow.
The moment I stepped in, I felt defeated, my heartfelt shattered. And it's not like he was bound to love me back but I don't know why but I feel like crying.
If we rewind time back I would like to stop my mom to say those words. I've always have imagined a future with him but in the end, it was just an imagination, something my mind conjured up from all the moments, memories we've created throughout.
I think if the topic of us getting married never popped up I would still be hurt but not defeated like how I'm feeling right now because then it would be easier for me to handle my heart.
But now when everyone knows too, this is getting a little hard to handle. I can fight in silence but what I can't fight are the stares I'd get now, the gossip that'll start.
And after all the comparison that would start. The comparison between me and the petite, perfect Betty. Comparison between Alex and me.
People don't think about the hurt their actions would cause. I already know what I'm. A big giant oaf.
I just want someone to want me for me. For the way, I smile, not always pretty but I can if I put in the effort.
To hold my wrists and kiss my palms and smile at me and want me.
Wanted for me not because they are my family or they are obliged to or they feel sympathy for the big giant oaf, that I'm at 175 cm and 80 kg.
I don't know how long poetry or songs or books will substitute for being wanted, because I'm tired.
Maybe if I let myself cry, cry for what could have been, for all the what-ifs. I might feel better afterward.
I know to some this would not make sense, crying, feeling heartbroken over something that was never yours but I'd simply say you won't feel this until you experience it yourself.
I'll think this through and feel embarrassed when my heart isn't about to burst out but right now all I want is to cry and fall asleep, shut the world even for a minute.
And that's what I did as I lay crying silently...