Freeing herself of her makeup, heels, and dress, Aless showered then pulled on comfortable pajamas. Hanging the dress up, Alessandra wished she hadn't thrown away the sales tags. She could have returned the dress. Now it would sit her closet, unused, reminding her of her father's most recent broken promise. Checking her phone, Alessandra saw that she still had an hour before Bal came back and that Kay had sent a dm. Responding, Aless asked how her trip was going. With several colorful expressions, Kay expressed her misery. Even on vacation, her parents couldn't stop fighting. Messaging back and forth for a while, Aless and Kay helped console each other as best friends do. Sending a final happy birthday wish, Kay disconnected, and Aless checked the time. Bal still would not be back for a little while. Trudging down the stairs, Aless wondered what she should do to kill time. As she drew close to the kitchen, Aless stopped in her tracks. There were the distinct sounds of pans clacking together. Someone was in her kitchen. Palm sweating, a small part of Aless hoped it was her father, but the large part knew that was impossible. Tiptoeing into the kitchen, Aless let out an audible gasp when she saw a tall man standing in her kitchen. It took almost a full minute for Aless to realize that it was Bal.
"Bal!" Aless said, clutching her heart. "How did you get in here? When did you get in here?"
Surprise, Bal spun around, a chopping knife in his hand. Seeing Aless, Bal laughed and relaxed.
"I got here like ten minutes ago. I called for you, but you didn't answer, and the door wasn't locked so I thought you were in the shower," he said.
"The door was unlocked?" Aless frowned. "I could have sworn I locked it."
"I don't know if you did or not, but it wasn't locked when I got here. I knew you had to be home since your car is here, so I thought I'd start working on dinner."
"Uh, thank you."
Wearily, Aless edged around the kitchen and took a seat. She would have bet her life on the fact that she had locked the front door. Yet if she had, how did Bal get in? He also said he called for her, but Aless hadn't heard him. That really didn't mean he hadn't though. The house was big, and sound didn't travel well, especially into her bedroom. As she thought, Bal moved around the kitchen, occasionally asking where some tool or ingredient was. It was fun to watch Bal cook. He moved fluidly and effortlessly. Since she last saw him, Bal had changed out of his uniform into jeans and tank top. With his shoulders exposed, Aless could see that he possessed almost a whole sleeve gotong on his right arm. Unlike Aless's gotong, Bal's was tattoo was a steely gray edged in cream. It reached from his shoulder to his elbow, elaborate and intricate. Aless could identify at least four figures amount the rows of triangles, rectangles, arrows, and weaves. Four losses. She couldn't even imagine. Biting her lip, Aless longed to ask who he had lost, but it was very rude to ask someone about their gotong.
Barely visible on his left shoulder, Aless saw the beginning of a triangular tattoo. Its base ran three inches across the flat of his should then ran diagonally over his collar bone, meeting somewhere under his shirt. The inside of the triangle consisted of three neat rows of triangles that alternated from black to skin colored and three circles in the center that looked as if they were honeycombs. Puzzled, Aless could not think that that tattoo was for. It could have been for decoration as some soldier and warriors did. However, Aless felt that there had to be more to it.
Distracted by the tattoos, Aless didn't realize that Bal was talking to her.
"I am sorry," she said. "I zoned out."
"It's okay. I said dinner will be done soon. What would you like to drink?" He said kindly.
"Oh, don't worry about that. I will get us something."
Dashing off, Aless went to her father's wine closet. Aaron was an avid collector of fine wines, but he never actually drank. Bitterly, Aless thought a nice bottle of wine was the least her father could do for her as she searched the shelves. Settling on one that had the same birth year as her, Aless carefully pulled out the bottle and went back to the kitchen. She opened and served the wine as Bal distributed the food between them.
"I made enough for leftovers," Bal explained. "In case we are hungry later or so you don't have to cook tomorrow."
"That is sweet of you," Aless said.
Seeing the bottle, Bal halted.
"Aless, that is a really expensive bottle of wine."
"I know. It's my dad's. He has a whole collection. He won't miss one and it is my eighteenth birthday."
The steely glint in her eyes told Bal to drop the subject. Pulling her seat out so she could sit, Bal watched Aless carefully. Taking his own seat, Bal offered a small prayer to the Deity before they began to eat. He had made some sautéed vegetable dish with strips of lamb belly. Initially, Aless did not know what the meat was since she had never had lamb belly before. Bal chose not to tell her until after she had taken her first bite. Luckily, the delicious taste outweighed the repulsion of the idea of lamb stomach and the two continued with their meal.
As always when Alessandra and Bal hung out, they talked easily and laughed often. The only tense moment came when Bal expressed his disappoint that Aless had changed out of her beautiful dress.
"You look so splendid and luminous in it," he said. "Why did you change?"
Feeling self-conscious, Aless looked at her pajamas. Did she look bad like this she wondered.
"I don't know. I guess this is just more comfortable," she replied.
"And more me," she thought.
Sensing he had misspoken, Bal quickly changed the subject. They finished the wine and the food after two hours, then moved to the living room to watch a movie. Bal brought out a bottle of ice-whiskey he had bought for Aless's birthday, pouring them each a glass. Cheering, they took a swig and began to watch a movie. After two more classes of ice-whiskey, Alessandra felt her head spin as her body mellowed into a cool numbness. Someone in the movie did something ridiculous and Aless burst out laughing, almost toppling off the couch. Catching her, Bal shook his head in amusement.
"I think you're drunk," he chuckled.
"Naw, I'm just tipsy," Aless replied.
Her whole body and mind felt pleasantly mellow.
"If your say so. You're the birthday girl."
"Damn right."
Grinning, Bal pulled Aless closer so she could lean against him. Her body had begun to sway and he worried she would fall off the couch. Up close, Bal smelled like something metallic. Not like Danny. Something else. Something Aless had never smelled before. Fumbling and wobbling, Aless managed to drink one more glass of ice-whiskey. She had totally lost count of Bal's drink. As the world became blurry, Aless stretched out on the couch, using Bal's lap as a pillow. Only when she laid down did the world stop spinning. The alcohol now made her feel as if her body was torn between hyper aware and half asleep. She had never drunk so much before. What the hell! It was her birthday!
"Are you alright, Ale? Bal asked.
"Hmm."
"You seem tired."
"Hmm."
Tenderly, Bal caressed Aless's hair. The soothing feel of it made Aless feel like a cat, ready to arch its back. In a while, Bal's fingers began to lightly trace Alessandra's jaw line and neck. Stretching out, Aless hummed, enjoying the sensation. His touch was gentle that it gave Aless goose flesh.
"I'm glad I met you, Ale," he said.
Blinking, Aless realized a different movie was on. When had they finished the first one?
"I am glad I met you. You are a good friend, Bal."
"What if I say that I am attracted to you?"
Rolling onto her back so she could look up at Bal, Aless saw his deep blue-green eyes. Once again, she was reminded of thick sea glass.
"What do you mean?"
"I mean that I am attracted to you. I keep thinking about how you looked in that bathrobe and at the club dancing and tonight in that dress."
They held each other's gaze or at least tried to. In Aless's vision, Bal was becoming an undefined blur.
"Don't you realize how beautiful you are?"
"You are sweet, Bal. Thank you."
Rolling back to her side, Aless fixed her gaze on the TV again. His fingers ran over her hair again. They fell silent for a long time. Just as Aless felt her eyes growing too heavy to keep open, something soft and warm brushed against her ear.
"Bal?" She murmured.
"Yes," he breathed.
His mouth was just above her ear. The heat of his breath made her shiver. Sliding down her shoulder and arm, Bal's hand came to rest on her hips.
"What are you doing?"
"Watching you."
"Why?"
"Because I like you."
"I like you too."
"I want to kiss you, Ale."
Gurgling a laugh, Aless closed her eyes and shook her head. Stopping quickly, Aless felt the whole world spin and twirl around her. His lips brushed against her ear again.
"Bal, you're my friend," she whispered drunkenly.
"I know, but I still want to kiss you."
"But Danny…"
"He's not here for you. I am."
Bal kissed her jaw then neck, delicately. Unable to stop herself, Aless shivered. The alcohol made everything feel so good, but her mind knew that it wasn't right. Her mind struggle to tell her body no. Pushing her shirt up a fraction, Bal laid his hand on her bare skin. The heat of her body told Bal that this wasn't a dream. She was there.
"Bal, I can't. I have Danny."
"Shush. You aren't doing anything."
Furrowing her brows, Aless's mind said this too wasn't right, but couldn't figure out how. The ice-whiskey was numbing her thoughts. Carefully, Bal turned Aless onto her back so she looked up at him again. One hand slid across her stomach while the other slipped around her head, lifting her up slightly.
"I just want to give you one birthday kiss," he said in a thick voice.
"Danny will be mad."
"He won't know. Please…"
Before she could respond, Bal kissed her. At first it was light and breathy, but soon he pulled her tight against him, his mouth opening and kissing her lustily. Unable to process what was going on, Aless did not react at first. Then the wonderful sensation of the kiss cause Aless to do nothing. For a brief moment she enjoyed being kissed. Bal's kisses were so different than she had ever experienced before. They were nothing like how Danny kissed her. Danny. His name struck her lethargic mind like a knife. Raising her arms as quickly as her drunken body would let her, Aless pushed against Bal's chest. Her mind said no as she pushed with what little strength her body had left. Feeling the pressure of her hands pushing against his chest, Bal stopped. Panting, he looked into her eyes, which were squeezed shut. Heart falling, Bal saw her tense muscles and expression as Aless's body said no in exchange for her voice.
"It's okay. I'm done. I won't kiss you again," he said.
Looking at him through her lowered lashes, Aless could not see his expression, only the fuzzy outline of his face. Stroking her hair, he kissed her forehead affectionately.
"You can sleep now, Ale. I won't try that again. You can trust me," he said.
Turning her back on her side, Bal gazed at Aless as she curled into a tight ball, her head still on his lap. Continuing to stroke her hair, Bal whispered to her sweetly, promising he wouldn't hurt her, to be there for her, that she wouldn't be lonely anymore. It took a while but, eventually, Aless relaxed and fell asleep.
She awoke in the morning with a splitting headache, alone on the couch. Bal had left early in the morning, making sure not to wake her. Heart aching, Aless searched the house for someone, only to find she was completely alone. Among her foggy memories from the night, Alessandra recalled Bal saying he would be there for her and that she wouldn't be alone anymore.
"He was just drunk," she scolded herself. "He didn't mean anything he said…or did."
The feel of his lips on hers made Aless blush. How could she have let that happen? What about Danny? Danny would never forgive her for kissing another man. But…wait…Aless had said no. She had pushed Bal away. It wasn't her fault. Bal hadn't listened and she had been drunk so she couldn't do much. Yes. It was okay. She hadn't really done anything wrong. Everything would be okay.
It wasn't okay though. Every time Aless saw Danny over the next two weeks, she felt guilty. Although, she hadn't done anything, Aless still couldn't control her feelings. She felt so guilty that she couldn't even tell Kay. Kay wouldn't understand. Or she would but would think that Aless was interested in Bal. Unsure of what to do, Aless tried messaging Bal to talk about what happened, but he never responded. She even tried calling him to find his number was disconnected. For some reason, when Alessandra heard the message telling her Bal's number was no longer in service, she began to cry. Did promises mean nothing to men? Frustrated, Alessandra deleted his number.
"I don't need him or my dad," Aless told herself. "Kay is my best friend and Danny is the guy I love. That's all I need."
Thinking this only made Aless's guilt increase. She had to tell Danny about what happened. Or at least part of what happened. Even this decision, Aless could not bring herself to tell Danny for another week. Three weeks after her birthday, Aless blurted it out over dinner. They had gone to the dessert restaurant Danny had taken Aless on their first date.
"Danny…" she began.
Looking up from his dessert, Danny waited for Aless to speak. Aless felt as if her heart beat would deafen her as her palms tingled with perspiration. Swallowing hard, Aless opened her mouth and the words tumbled out.
"Three weeks ago on my birthday this guy tried to kiss me," she blurted.
Cringing, she waited for Danny's furious tirade. Silence. Opening her eyes, Aless saw Danny staring at her, his face a jumble of emotions.
"What happened?" He said stoically.
"This guy I knew stopped by to drop off my dad's gift, remember how my dad bailed last minute and sent this expensive gift to make up for it?"
Danny said nothing. Pushing on, Aless took a deep breath.
"Well this guy I know casually ended up being the one who brought it to my house. I was really upset and he could tell and he tried to comfort me. And everything was cool and stuff but then he tried to kiss me. I guess maybe I gave him the wrong idea by letting him talk to me, but I just so upset and I couldn't reach you or Kay and…and I was stupid. I shouldn't have let him stay…"
Searching Danny's face for some sign about whether to go on or not, Aless found nothing. So she continued.
"Anyways, he tried to kiss me and I immediately pushed him away and told I have a boyfriend and I am not interested and that he had to leave. And he did and I have felt so guilty about it ever since and I felt terrible. I mean I know its all my fault and I am so sorry and I understand if your mad at me and want to break it off but I hope you remember how much I love you and that I don't want anyone else and…"
Tears welled in Alessandra's eyes. Lowering her gaze, Aless focused hard on not crying. Danny still had yet to see her cry. Her fingers shook as she bounced her feet under the table. Silence followed. Then rough hands slipped into hers.
"Aless, I just have two questions," he said.
Nodding her head fervently, Aless listened.
"Do you like this guy?"
"No! Not at all. I mean I thought he was a friend but I never thought about him as anything other than a friend."
"Okay, since this happened have you or do you ever plan on seeing him again?"
"No. I do not. I do not want to mess things up with you, Danny. I love you."
Another long silence.
"Okay then."
Lifting her eyes, Aless saw Danny smiling. Bemused, Alessandra didn't understand what was going on.
"Okay what?"
"Just okay then."
"Does that mean we are breaking up?"
"Aless, why would I do such a stupid thing? I know how lucky I am to be with you. I've always known that other guys want you. I see how they stare at you while we are out. I know that there are tons of guys that would love to trade places with me.
"This doesn't mean I am happy about what happened and I am angry, but I will get over it. And as long as you don't see or talk to that guy anymore, then I will get over it. Its not worth losing you."
"Oh Danny!"
Throwing herself over the small table, Aless hugged and kissed him.
"And nothing else happened right?" Danny asked as she pulled away.
"Nothing," Aless agreed.
"Then we will be fine. Thank you for telling me."
Giving him a watery smile, Aless felt relaxed for the first time in weeks. She and Danny were going to be okay. Nothing could pull them apart, she was sure.
"Who was the guy?"
"No one you know. He's older than us."
"Older than me?"
"Yeah."
"Then you definitely need to stay away from him. He sounds like a creeper."
"I hadn't thought about it that way."
"You wouldn't. You are just too nice, Aless. You need to be more careful."
"I know."
"Let's change the subject, okay? The idea of this loser is ruining my dessert."
Giggling, Aless agreed. Rubbing her thumb across her pendant, Aless watched Danny finish his dessert. Puzzled, Aless realized that while she no longer felt guilty and felt relaxed, a knot still rested in her stomach. Odd. What could be worrying her?
Running her eyes around the room, Aless studied each person in the restaurant with them. Mostly kids their age and a few scattered adults. One man jumped out at Aless, but she didn't know why. He looked normal enough. Mid-forties. Average looking with a basic Josӕng, designed to look like a side-ways M. Somewhere in the depths of her memory, she recalled she had seen him before. In fact, she remembered seeing him in that same restaurant on her first date with Danny.
"So what?" She asked herself. "It's a popular restaurant and the was literally over six months ago."
Seeing her staring at him, the man smiled pleasantly. Following her gaze, Danny saw the man too.
"Do you know him?" He asked hesitantly.
"No. I just think I have seen him before," Aless shook her head.
"Oh. Yeah. Well, this is a popular place. Are you done with your food?"
"Yeah, I am."
"Good. Let's go."
Standing abruptly, Danny grabbed their trash and Aless's hand, leading her out the door, stopping by the trash collector for only a second. Glancing back, Aless saw the man give a small finger wave.
"Everything okay, Danny?" She asked.
His grip felt tighter than usual as he pulled her to the car.
"Yeah, yeah, everything's fine. I am just still little upset about that jerk who tried to kiss you."
"Oh."
Guilt ebbed into Aless's stomach again. Their conversation had gone so well, Aless had thought they were over the topic. Staying quiet, Aless got into Danny's car and stared out the window. Taking off, Danny sped out of the parking lot. Her mind still tickled as if she was forgetting something. Something about that man. What was it that she couldn't remember?
Danny, a normally careful driver, tore through the streets. He weaved up and down streets, taking an unusually complicated route to their favorite stargazing spot. Marking his behavior up to being upset, Aless said nothing. Only when they were settled in their favorite spot at their favorite stargazing place did she dare to speak.
"Danny, since we are being honest, can I ask you a question that I've wanted to ask for a long time," she said.
His temper had evened out since they settled to stargaze.
"Sure, my love," he put his arm around her.
"What happened to your hands? I mean your knuckles. You've never said."
Clearing his throat, Danny licked his lips and didn't reply. Afraid she had made things worse, Aless stayed quiet as well.
"When I turned eighteen I had a lot of problems. I couldn't go to college because I had to take care of my sisters and my mom. All my friends were going to college. I was having to grow up when I didn't want to. I felt caged and stuck. I didn't have my mechanic skills yet so I kept having to work dead end jobs for little pay," he slowly explained.
Listening intently, Aless watched Dany's expression. It was hard in thought and painful memories.
"I was just angry. Angry at my mom, my dad, everyone. I wanted more than what life had given me. Then I met these people who offered me more. They offered me a lot more."
"What people?"
"That's not important. What is important is that I made the mistake of thinking that there wasn't a cost to what they were offering."
"They were bad people then?"
"Very bad. Before I knew I was in deep. I even ran off with them, abandoning my sisters and mom for a whole year before they broke me. I don't want to go into details, but basically something really bad happened and it woke me up. I got out as soon as I could and came home. I grew up. These scars remind of the stupid choice I made."
Self-anger twisted Danny's face. Holding his hands, Aless kissed the scars.
"Then I'm glad you have them. They made you come back and made you who you are and I love who you are. Thank you for telling me. I won't ask about them again. Although this does explain how you know how to get out of a pair of handcuffs."
Laughing, Aless broke the tension in the air with her pitiful joke. Appreciatively, Danny hugged and kissed her.
"I'm glad I could tell you."
"And what matters is that it is your past, not who you are now."
Leaning against him, Aless stared up at the stars. Danny's eyes, however, searched the park around them. Despite his calm demeanor, Danny's muscles were tense and ready just in case.
The night of the Solstice came and went. Aless did not even ask her father if they were going to spend it together because she already knew the answer. No. Instead, Aless spent the holiday at Danny's house. Beautiful gold and silver decorations filled his house with small figures of the Three-Eyed Cąȶ with only its future seeing eye open. It was the only time of year that images of the Three-Eyed Cąȶ was allowed. They ate a wonderful meal and exchanged stories of their past loved ones. With some encouragement, Aless shared a few stories about her mother, something she had not done in many years. Their stories and food took the group through the night until dawn approached. With dawn, as was tradition, they retired to bed. Danny's mother did not mind Aless staying at the house, but, since his sisters were so young, she asked that Aless sleep on the couch. More than willing to oblige, Aless made herself comfortable after a kiss good night from Danny. Although Danny and Alessandra had been together almost half a year, they had not taken their relationship to the next step physically. Aless knew that Danny wanted to, but he was being patient. Sleeping on the couch gave Aless a good excuse not to share Danny's bed, because the way he had been looking at her all evening told her he was thinking about when they may have children of their own. She was not ready for such conversation.
Lying on the couch, Aless listened to everyone going to bed, but found she could not sleep herself. She tossed and turned as the sun filtered through the windows. After three hours, she got up and decided to get a class of water. Sitting at the kitchen table, Aless stared out the kitchen window into the small backyard. An uneasy feeling still plagued her and it made her tired, not tired enough to sleep but tired all the same.
"Is the Three-Eyed Cąȶ on your mind?" Madame Gᵫjismal broke in.
Turning her head, Aless saw Madame Gᵫjismal enter the kitchen in her bathrobe. Smiling, Aless stood.
"Did I wake you?" she asked.
"No, no. I can never sleep when the sun has risen. I thought I would start on breakfast."
"Can I help?"
"That would be wonderful."
Bustling around the kitchen, Madame Gᵫjismal gathered her ingredients and gave Aless instructions.
"So," Madame Gᵫjismal said when they were settled into their work. "Is the Cąȶ on your mind?"
"What do you mean?"
"You seem troubled, Alessandra. And when there is trouble it is usually caused by the Cąȶ. You know the saying, blame it on the Three-Eyed Cąȶ."
"I never understood that saying. How can everything that is wrong with the world be the Three-Eyed Cąȶ's fault?"
"It's not, but people like to have someone to blame. Since the Three-Eyed Cąȶ brought Death to our world from Nӕse, they have been blamed for everything."
"I remember. The fear of Death caused people to cling to life," Aless recited. "They turned to slavery, abuse, addiction, and other such sins in order to capture life."
Madame Gᵫjismal nodded sadly.
"Yes, that is what the stories say. I have always felt sorry for the Three-Eyed Cąȶ. To be blamed for all the problems of the people is a heavy burden. Did you ever hear the story why we display statues of the Three-Eyed Cąȶ with one eye open on the Solstice?"
"No. My family never did that. In fact, this is the first time I have seen it."
"Ah, yes, well, it is a Sᴔmian tradition. In Sᴔmian we tell a story about what happened when the Three-Eyed Cąȶ saw the darkness that fear of Death brought to our world."
"Really? What happens?"
"When the Three-Eyed Cąȶ first came to our world, they closed their future seeing eye, because free will made it so that each person they gazed upon had an infinite number of possible futures. It gave the poor Three-Eyed Cąȶ a headache. Then when Death came, and people realized what had happened, they fell victim to their fear. The Three-Eyed Cąȶ could not use their eye to see into souls and minds because the fear, anger, and hatred was so over powering that it made the Three-Eyed Cąȶ cry. Finally, the Three-Eyed Cąȶ closed their last eye because watching people enslave, kill, rape, and hurt each other was too much for the spirit. As a creation of the Deity, it pained the Three-Eyed Cąȶ to see such tragedy.
"So the Three-Eyed Cąȶ blinded itself. After many years, the darkness of the people's fear darkened the world, causing absolute darkness. No sun, no moon, nothing. The people were living in their own fear. On the Solstice, the Three-Eyed Cąȶ returned to their original form, because remember the Three-Eyed Cąȶ can appear in any form they wish and went before the people. With all eyes watching, the Three-Eyed Cąȶ opened its eye that sees the future. Speaking to the people, the Three-Eyed Cąȶ proclaimed, 'People of the Deity, I know your fear consumes you as the darkness consumes our world, but today on the Solstice, which is lost in this darkness, I give you my eye of the future. Through it see all the potential for the world around us. Through it realize that this darkness will end if you keep moving forward.'
"With that, the Three-Eyed Cąȶ plucked out their eye and let the wind disperse it to all of the people of our world. With the eye of the future, the people gained hope again and the darkness faded. The growing darkness that comes each year and ends with the Solstice is a reminder of what the Three-Eyed Cąȶ gave to us and what happens when we use our fear of Death to justify terrible crimes."
Listening raptly, Aless didn't realize she had stopped slicing vegetables, the task she had been given. Snapping out of her trace, Aless quickly chopped up the vegetables, her mind pondering the story.
"Do you understand the message of the story?" Madame Gᵫjismal asked.
"We must always keep moving forward and keep an eye on the future," Aless smiled.
Returning only a half-smile, Madame Gᵫjismal seemed sad.
"That is part of the message," she agreed. "Do you know the other one?"
"Uh…"
Feeling like she was in school, Alessandra tried to come up with the right answer, but was unsure. Tittering gently, Madame Gᵫjismal patted Aless on the back.
"It is okay. One day you will understand. For now it is enough that you know the story."
Perplexed, Alessandra did not disagree, but she continued to contemplate the story as the cooked. It was the first story that she recalled where the Three-Eyed Cąȶ did anything good for the people. She wondered if there were other stories like it. Later when breakfast was finished and everyone had eaten, Aless helped clean the dishes. Danny came into the kitchen and gave her a kiss on the cheek before saying he was going to run out for a bit.
"Where are you going on Solstice Day?" his mother protested.
"I have to work, mama," he sighed. "The garage doesn't close for Solstice Day, only for the Solstice."
Humphing, his mother looked highly displeased.
"Mama, I have to work to earn money to pay the bills and support us."
Kissing his mother on the top of the head as he headed out the door, Danny called over his shoulder, "Don't blame me. Blame the Three-Eyed Cąȶ."