Despite the fact that all of the slave relationships were on the mend now, there was still a lot of tension in the house, mostly because of the presence of Lord Gerard Deveris. He was perfectly cordial with the lot of them, and as far as they were concerned he made absolutely no attacks on the lady while he was in the house. In fact, he was so good-natured and the ladies acted with such ease around him that Isaac began to doubt that his guess had been accurate. Still, both he and Dessi were on edge for the whole week that he stayed at the manor, and even after they left they had their attention pricked for any news about the man. Surely he wouldn't make it back home safely?
Just as Isaac began to think that he was thoroughly wrong about the man, news came a couple weeks after his departure that Lord Deveris was dead.
The carriage had been attacked by some of the more down-trodden in the Dominion and Lord Deveris had ended up killed in the scuffle. Isaac wasn't sure he bought that being the reason for the lord's death, but it was as good a cover up as any. The note they got said that Gerard's body had been sent back to his family in the Dominion and that Jiera was expected back as soon as possible so that they could start making preparations for the funeral.
Gerard Deveris had been a council member, which meant that his death would introduce a whole lot to sort out back home that Jiera wouldn't want to miss. Still, Jiera was slow to leave: the news of her husband's death was hitting her much harder than Isaac would've expected for the crimes (well the ones that he and Dessi had deduced) that he had committed.
According to Dessi, Jiera had doubled over crying after hearing the news that her husband was dead. By all accounts Jiera and Gerard had gotten along fairly well before all this and Isaac even ventured to think that Jiera had potentially come to like her husband, more than just having a beneficial alliance with him. He had seen it a little when he'd taken his trip to the Dominion in the little ways that they interacted with each other. To find out that he was the one behind her best friend's attempted murder though... That had to be absolutely devastating.
So now as the day dragged on, it felt as if there was a heavy cloud lingering over the manor.
Jiera knew that she had to head back to the Dominion, yet she hadn't given any orders to start packing up her things. She was holed up in Mae's bedroom, likely crying and venting to the other woman and just being an absolute wreck. For good reason though: the man that she had thought she knew turned out to be a monster, and she still hadn't even told her children that their father was dead. Poor Markus would be absolutely crushed by the news, and Isaac's heart clenched in a bit of sympathy.
Was what Gerard wanted really worth all this misery that he had put his family through...?
Isaac leaned back on his heels as he paused in the garden work to peer up at the window to Mae's room. The curtains were closed, which was how their lady almost always kept her curtains aside from maybe a little sliver to let the light in, but Isaac still found himself wishing that she would throw back the shroud. … Not that it would help, really. Even if he was to see the two ladies he certainly wouldn't be able to hear them, so there was only so much understanding he could glean from their body language. He'd been trying to learn how to read lips better as he sat outside and people watched for hours near the stables but his progress was shoddy at best: he could maybe catch a few words for every sentence spoken and that just wasn't enough for full understanding.
Sighing softly, he leaned back until he was laying down in the grass and staring up at the sky. The day was overcast, which didn't help at all with trying to improve the mood currently inside the house. In fact, he could feel himself beginning to get a bit despondent as he thought about all of the misery of the nobles. Of course, this meant that his mind started turning to his own melancholy.
He and Kyrie were doing better, so much better, but Isaac still hadn't said a word to Renard.
His continued avoidance of the other man clearly put a strain on Kyrie. She tried not to show it, but her worry and nervousness for Isaac's comfort bled through occasionally. Without Isaac and Renard at least being on speaking terms, she no doubt felt paralyzed towards fully moving forward. Isaac was hindering her in this regard, and he really didn't want to be that force in her life.
Every time Isaac tried to think about talking with Renard though, the mostly latent anger and resentment boiled up inside of him. Renard was the catalyst to setting all of that free, and Isaac really didn't feel like talking to Renard would solve much of anything. Still... Could he really just stop talking to Renard entirely? It'd be... Well, it'd be rather lonely out here without having him to talk to. As he went about the garden chores, he could finally begin to see why Jared hated them so much. If no regard was given to the aesthetic of the plants (which both Jared and Isaac did), then the act of keeping the garden maintained was incredibly tedious. There were so many plants that it was a never-ending chore that ultimately wasn't that varied.
It was... Incredibly dull out here working by himself.
He kept hoping that maybe Kyrie would come out and visit him, but those were rare circumstances more than they were regular ones, so it was rather futile for him to be banking on a visit from Kyrie. He didn't even have Jared's company anymore: the boy was still actively working to avoid both Isaac and Renard after witnessing their fight. He just didn't want to get involved in whatever conflict was going on until he knew it was fully resolved. Though really, Jared was only a temporary solution now that Jiera would be leaving soon. If Isaac wasn't satisfied to work in the garden alone for the rest of his days then he really should try and talk to Renard.
… But what would he say?
He wasn't going to apologize for punching him, or for not speaking to him for a little over three weeks now: Renard had broken his trust and he had to realize just how much he'd fucked up. If he wasn't going to apologize though then what should he do? Greet him as normal? Just not say anything and let Renard say something instead? That idea held the most appeal to him: it'd be an indicator to Renard that Isaac was making an effort to try and mend things, and it would allow Isaac to come to terms with the idea of being around him without blowing up at him.
Rubbing his eyes with a soft groan, he sat up in the grass and once again glanced up at the house. None of the windows revealed anyone in particular to him, effectively giving him no hope that someone would come out and join him so that he didn't have to do this. He waited a few seconds just to be sure, but in the end he picked himself up off the ground and grabbed the garden implements he was using.
There was no point putting it off any longer: it was time to start looking for Renard.
He knew roughly where Renard was going to be because it was likely to be as far away from Isaac as he could get. At least the other man was putting in a bit of effort to respect Isaac's space... Did he do that to give Isaac space though, or was he doing it because he was a bit repentant? Did Renard even realize just how much he'd hurt Isaac in the first place? As he thought back to how surprised Renard had been to hear what Isaac had to say when he punched him, Isaac couldn't help lowering his eyes in contemplation.
... Had Isaac really never imparted to Renard just how important Kyrie was to him?
He had warned Renard away from her and he had been fiercely protective of her: he had thought that would be enough for Renard to get the message. But he'd never... He'd never tried to explain to Renard in clear terms how he had felt every time Renard managed to pick up another woman. And why would he, really? That wasn't really something to talk about with another person, or at least, it hadn't really been something he felt comfortable telling Renard. Especially because it was partly his own fault that he hadn't gotten women interested in him like Renard had: he just wasn't nearly as aggressive at trying to woo them.
But perhaps if he had told Renard more about how he felt every time the man talked about his exploits then it really would've sunk in just how special Kyrie was. To have Renard take the one woman Isaac felt like he'd really been able to connect with... There were no words to describe how painful that was. It wasn't as strong of a pain now after he'd shared that night with Kyrie but it was still there. It was comforting to know that she still connected with him more than with Renard but it wasn't... It wasn't just Isaac that was intimate with her anymore.
… The depressing mood of the house certainly was contagious, wasn't it?
It was in this mood that Isaac stumbled across Renard. At first he hadn't even realized that he'd found the other man, but when he walked around a corner and went to continue moving, a sudden movement from down below caused his eyes to turn downwards. The two men locked eyes and Renard's eyes widened when he realized that this wasn't Vivian. She'd been visiting him in the evenings fairly routinely lately but it was much too early for her to show up at this time so Renard had decided to get himself a cigar and stare up at the clouds. She knew of this habit of his now, but he still didn't really like smoking around her, or around Kyrie for that matter if he knew she was around. This was Isaac though, and while that meant he felt comfortable smoking around him, he was still tense due to their unresolved conflict.
For a couple moments, the two men just stared at each other, but soon Isaac was breaking this by setting down his bucket of gardening tools and sitting down in the grass nearby. Renard's shoulders relaxed once he saw that Isaac was leaning back in the grass as well: so that he wasn't here for a confrontation. Everything about his demeanor felt more reconciliatory than hostile. Isaac wasn't even making a show of trying to be productive, he had come here specifically to be near Renard and for no other reason.
The nervousness that Renard had initially felt slowly began to fade away and he knew now that even if Isaac was still upset he wasn't going to get hit again. Isaac had moved past the initial anger and maybe now Renard would finally get to explain himself. … Well, if Isaac wanted to hear an explanation.
Renard was quiet as he pondered whether he should be the one to break the silence or whether Isaac would, and as the time ticked on by, it became all the more clear to him that if he wanted talking to happen he would have to be the one to initiate it. Closing his eyes, he let his head dip down for a moment before slowly letting out a puff of smoke. When he opened his eyes again, he saw that Isaac was staring at him, watching the smoke rise up to mingle with the clouds. Deciding to just go ahead and take the plunge, Renard spoke.
"Some day, huh?"
As he said this, he reached out and offered the cigar to Isaac. He was a little embarrassed to admit that his arm shook a little to be extending towards Isaac: after all, the last time he'd been close to the other man he'd been sore for a week, and he really didn't wanta repeat of that. Isaac's eyes flit from Renard's face to his hand, and Isaac let the seconds stretch out a bit as he stared at the cigar. At first Isaac thought that he was going to firmly refuse--he didn't want to have to think about sharing anything with Renard--but a part of him felt compelled to take it. Renard was offering a gesture of peace and reconciliation even though he was clearly nervous about getting so close to Isaac.
In the end, Isaac reached out and took the cigar, letting out his own puff as he made a soft hum of affirmation to Renard's question. The men sunk into silence once more, and for some time no other words were said. The cigar continued to be passed back and forth though, and it made Isaac think of the times they'd shared back in the other house, as well as the time they'd shared in this one before Renard had slept with Kyrie.
Isaac let out a heavy sound with one of his exhales that sounded a lot more like a sigh than just him expelling the smoke. Closing his eyes, he gently rubbed his forehead and he had to struggle to keep the emotion off of his face. This time, as he passed the cigar back to Renard, he asked a single question.
"Why did you do it, Renard?"
Here it was, the moment that Renard had been both dreading and hoping for. Isaac was actually giving him a chance to explain himself, but honestly, was there any way he could explain this that wouldn't make things worse? Swallowing hard, Renard took a slow pull of the cigar to help calm himself. Making things worse or not, he had to go with the truth. The damage had already been done, there wasn't any way he could really break their friendship more than it was already broken, and if he wanted to start mending it (which he rather did), then he had to just go for it.
"Because I was curious... You always came out of encounters with her positively glowing, and I wondered if it was because of what she did or whether it was because you were so head over heels in love with her that just about anything would do. Honestly though, I had only wanted a taste. I had planned to somehow convince her to sleep with me just once to see what it was like. It's not that I completely disregarded your warning, after being with her once I was going to just leave her to you. Yet when I learned that she was an artist when I caught her out one night I... I couldn't just leave her alone. One encounter wasn't enough, it hadn't satisfied me in the least. I don't know why her drawing made having just a taste completely impossible but it did. I... I'm not going to say that I'm sorry for what I physically did, because I'm not, but I am sorry that this has created such a rift between us. That was never my intention, if you believe nothing else of what I say then I hope you can at least believe that."
When Renard looked up at Isaac to gauge just how the other man was taking all this, the sheer amount of pain in Isaac's expression promptly made Renard look away again. He was almost embarrassed, not because he was witnessing Isaac in this much pain but because he was the one that was causing it.
"She was mine, Renard. The one woman who chose me over you."
His teeth dug into the end of the cigar that was in his mouth, and he had to take it out rather ungracefully before he got a mouthful of broken cigar.
"I know..."
The words came out choked from his lips as Renard set the cigar down in the tray that he'd brought and the two men were silent once again. Isaac was effectively hanging his head in despair, and Renard was also hanging his, though his was more from guilt than anything else. To try and lessen that feeling, Renard spoke up again.
"She still is yours though. I couldn't take her away from you: she would choose you over me in a heartbeat. You're the most important person to her in this house, you should know that."
"That... is only so much comfort. If I ever capitalized on the fact that she loves me over you then what kind of person would I be? I'd be stifling her, forcing her to cut out something that she actually wants to do. I'd be telling her to sacrifice her own happiness for mine and it would only be my happiness if I knew she was happy as well."
Here Renard was struck by the rather desperate tone of Isaac's voice, and he was also struck by the fact that they had almost reversed roles here. Isaac was making arguments to defend polyamory, while Renard was trying to defend monoamory. Isaac, as much as he didn't like it, was accepting the more polyamorous lifestyle, at least in terms of how it regarded to Kyrie. This was an age old argument that Renard and Isaac had always had with each other, but now it would seem that Renard had effectively won. He should feel good about that but... When he looked at Isaac's slumped shoulders, his hanging head and his effectively impotent rage, he certainly didn't feel like he'd won...
Renard just shrugged a little.
"Love is inherently kind of possessive though, isn't it?"
"I don't... I don't want my love to be so suffocating."
Renard opened his mouth to say something but he just couldn't think of what to say. Instead of saying something then, he just pushed the ashtray closer to Isaac. Isaac noticed the motion and mechanically picked up the cigar to take another drag.
Letting Isaac have the rest of it now, Renard laid back in the grass so that he was looking up at the sky. Isaac did try to pass the cigar back to Renard, but Renard just waved it off and Isaac returned it to his lips without another word. Silence was reigning over the two of them now, both looking out into nothing and lost in their own thoughts.
Eventually, Isaac did break the silence, with a question that quite frankly took Renard off guard.
"Do you love Vivian?"
"W-what? What kind of a question is that?"
Isaac just gave Renard a look that told him to quit trying to weasel out of the question and Renard's brow furrowed before he turned his gaze back up at the sky. Both Isaac and Vivian had tried asking him this question before, but he always found it a little awkward to respond to.
"... I've never really known how to answer that question because I don't love her the same way that she loves me or in the way that you and Kyrie love each other. I'd be pretty upset if she was to ever not be in my life and I enjoy her company immensely but... She's not the center of my world. If you'd call that love then I suppose it is, but like I said it's nothing like your guys' love."
If that was his response to Vivian, the woman that he had slept with and spent time with the most, then there was no way he could feel more strongly towards Kyrie. Isaac wasn't sure whether this comforted or offended him though: to him Kyrie was immensely special, but Renard didn't feel that much more strongly about her than he did the other women in his life. He didn't have to worry about Renard trying to steal Kyrie away but he just... hated sharing. Especially with someone who didn't even fully appreciate the complete beauty and amazement that was Kyrie.
Isaac didn't have any follow up questions to this, leaving Renard a little bewildered about what he'd been fishing for. Renard had always hated questions like that though, mostly because whenever he gave an explanation of his view the other party seemed vaguely disappointed. Even Isaac wasn't exempt from this because his brow was slightly furrowed as he looked upon one of the plants nearby. This seemed like it was the end of their conversation, but Renard wasn't really sure that they'd even come to some sort of conclusion. Were they going to be ok now? Or was this basically just one last goodbye before Isaac cut ties with him entirely? Unwilling to just leave things so ambiguous now that Isaac had actually approached him, Renard tentatively spoke up.
"So... What now?"
Isaac languidly turned his eyes back towards Renard before giving him a light shrug.
"I don't know. Do you want to get punched again?"
There was almost a smile on Isaac's face, indicative of the fact that he was trying to joke at least a little, even if it was a pretty sad attempt at joviality. Renard returned it with a smirk of his own though, one that was laced with genuine fondness for his friend: this little exchange was definitely confirming that Isaac still was his friend.
"I think once is enough for a lifetime, thanks."
Isaac's smile slowly faded then as he gave Renard a level stare.
"Then don't ever put me through this again, Renard. I don't know what else you could possibly do that's on the same level as this but I'm begging you not to find it."
Renard once again sat up so that he could look Isaac squarely in the eye. He wanted to show the other man that he was serious, that he did actually care about his continued friendship with Isaac. With a solemn nod of the head, he reached out to clap Isaac on the shoulder.
"I got it, I don't want to have to go through this again either. After all, who else would I talk about my feelings with?"
Isaac rolled his eyes and shrugged his shoulder out of Renard's grip before giving him a slight shove. Renard just smiled before falling back down onto the ground.
"Really though, I value my time with you, Isaac. I can tell you things that I don't feel comfortable telling other people, and we get up to plenty of mischief together."
Renard chuckled softly and Isaac couldn't help a soft smile rising to his own features as he let out a hum of affirmation. Honestly, he did feel a lot better now that he'd talked to Renard. Nothing had changed, really, but the air had cleared a bit and he felt like both he and Renard understood each other a little better now.
It was Isaac's turn to fall back onto the grass then, and he placed his hands behind his head as he joined his friend in looking up at the sky.