For Kyrie, the days slowly inched by, and she knew that she couldn't keep delaying this.
There were only two days left of the week that Renard had given her, and even though she could burn out the time until the very last moment she felt like that would be somehow failing herself. If she did it that way it would feel like she hadn't purposely chosen to tell Isaac, more like she was just following rules that were given to her. Losing Isaac still terrified her, but Renard had wandered by the menagerie almost every day to make sure that Kyrie was still drawing and she had to admit that putting all her fears and joys onto the page had helped. It hadn't necessarily made her more willing to tell Isaac but it had made her feel... Almost calmer about the whole thing?
Calm wasn't the right word though, it was more like she'd come to terms with what was going to happen. Her brain had imagined everything, from the worst possible outcome to the best and all of them had been put down on the pages of the notebook in her lap. It was almost cathartic to slowly flip through the pages like she currently was, and she was soon closing her eyes with a heavy sigh.
She would tell Isaac tonight. No matter what the outcome would be, she had to tell him tonight.
Her eyes began to water with unshed tears from this decision and she had to struggle hard not to start crying again. Kyrie was so tired of all this crying, but she knew it wouldn't be over until she'd finally told Isaac about what she'd done. Well, it probably wouldn't be over even then, but she'd actually be able to start settling in to whatever got decided afterwards.
In the middle of trying to get herself not to cry, she practically jumped out of her chair when the door opened to reveal Isaac. Kyrie had a single candle lit up by her so she was visible to Isaac, and even though the light was ultimately dim he could still see that his lover was distressed. He had entered the room with a wide smile on his face but now that he saw Kyrie that smile quickly gave way to concern.
Unable to hold Isaac's gaze, Kyrie turned her eyes down to the book in her lap and slowly closed it. There was no need for him to see just where her imagination could go while it was anxious, and as he watched her close it Isaac couldn't help wondering if there was something in there that had made her cry. Was she looking at older pictures, ones of memories that weren't quite so fond? As usual his heart went out to her, and he was quick to close the distance between the two of them to place a gentle hand on her shoulder.
"What's wrong?"
This gentle inquiry from Isaac caused Kyrie to bite down hard on the inside of her lower lip and she could feel the muscles of her throat tightening up. He was being so kind to her and she wasn't... She wasn't sure she deserved such kindness from him. Her eyes blinked furiously as she tried to keep the tears from falling, but she just couldn't hold them back anymore. The inevitable time of reveal had come and she knew that after this evening their relationship wouldn't be the same. He wouldn't so willingly give her these soft touches: he would feel horribly betrayed by what she'd done, and his relationship with Renard would be ruined as well. For Isaac his whole world was going to come crashing down on him and it was all because of a single choice that Kyrie had made.
As the tears started to fall, Isaac immediately widened his own eyes in alarm before crouching down in front of her. His hands moved to lightly rest on her hips and his eyes looked imploringly into hers, or at least they would've if she hadn't brought her hands up to cover her eyes while her body shook with soft sobs.
"Kyrie--"
As he said her name he reached up to touch her cheek, but she jerked away with a soft whimper that just gave way to more crying. At a bit of a loss for what to do, he let that hand drop back down to softly rub at her leg in an effort to comfort.
She had to get him to stop, it hurt so much that he was still trying to comfort her when it was something he himself wouldn't condone. It was like the night that Vivian had comforted her before Renard broke the news all over again.
With that thought in mind, she managed to choke out some words.
"I've done something so horrible to you."
He'd heard her correctly, but the sheer unexpectedness of the message made him doubt that he'd interpreted her right. What could she have possibly done that was so horrible to him? She had done absolutely nothing aside from add joy and comfort into his life, there was no way that she could've done something as horrible as she was imagining. He was still half convinced that wasn't even what she'd said: maybe she was talking about something horrible in the past that just came out a little funny due to her crying?
"What?"
Her throat constricted all the more when Isaac asked for a confirmation. The first time her words had basically just slipped out but now he wanted her to say them with more of a conscious effort. Letting out a pained noise, Isaac's expression furrowed further in concern while Kyrie doubled over a little.
"Deep breaths, Kyrie. Deep breaths, everything will be ok."
Would it really be ok though? Could she really believe that Isaac would still love her even after what she'd done to him? Her mind traveled back to when she'd worn the lingerie for him, how he'd told her that she would always have him and she'd responded that he would always have her. Their bond was strong, wasn't it? Perhaps even stronger than the bond that she shared with Vivian. If it was so strong, shouldn't it be able to survive this blow? Or was it a more fragile strength than she thought? Kyrie wanted to believe that everything really would be ok as Isaac said and that thought was what helped her take those deep breaths.
Isaac watched her with relief as her shaking calmed a little, not entirely, but enough for her to be able to speak more clearly. She still had her eyes covered, but Isaac watched her in silence, the only thing breaking that silence being Kyrie's shaky breaths as she exhaled.
"Can I... Can I really believe that everything will be ok, Isaac? Even if... Even if I've done something I know that you'll hate?"
Here she removed her hands from her eyes, and one hand went to softly frame his cheek. He could see just how red her eyes were, just how much whatever it was that she'd done was hurting her. She was looking at him with nothing short of desperation, and his heart clenched, both because of how much he wanted to hold her and because of the growing sense of dread that was rising in his chest. Something that she knew that he would hate? There was one thing that immediately flit to mind, a worry that had plagued him in the beginning of their relationship but one that had long since been dispelled. Kyrie wasn't that kind of woman, he knew that she wasn't. Yet... What else could it be?
The darkness that passed over his features wasn't missed by Kyrie, and her features scrunched up all the more as the tears fell down her face anew.
"I don't know... That you'll be able to forgive me. I want so badly for you to be able to, but I don't know that you ever will. I love you Isaac, I love you so much and yet I..."
Here the words failed her, and she buried her face in her hands again while Isaac remained frozen to the spot. A coldness was beginning to build inside of him: even as he witnessed the woman he loved crying, the confession that she was angling towards had him shaking a little. Whether from anger, distress, or betrayal he didn't know, but he did know that he couldn't seem to bring himself to raise up a hand to comfort her or say another kind word to her. If she was trying to say what he suspected she was trying to say...
She knew she had to finish this, she couldn't just leave him in eternal suspense, but the expression on his face right now... She had drawn what she expected he might look like at least a dozen times in her notebook, but none of her imaginative depictions would ever be able to compare to what she was seeing at this moment.
Biting the inside of her lip hard enough to make it bleed, Kyrie forced herself to speak, to say the rest of what she had to say.
"Yet I've... Had sex with your best friend."
Her words broke at the end of this, and she practically doubled over crying while Isaac didn't move an inch. One hand was still on her leg, the other still on her hip but he didn't say a single word. He just watched as she leaned over her own lap, crying her heart out while his own heart felt like it was breaking to pieces. Why would she have had sex with Renard?! Was he not good enough for her? How could she love him if she'd been so willing to have sex with another man?! Or maybe... Maybe it wasn't so much Kyrie's fault as it was Renard's? Was she yet another woman that had been caught in his sweet trap? He'd told Renard to back off, to leave her alone and yet he'd disregarded Isaac's warnings and taken her anyway?! There was no way Kyrie would've looked away from him willingly, not when she loved him so much! Renard must've been doing some serious fucking pushing to get her to turn away!
His body shook with a silent rage, and soon he went to move his hands away from Kyrie, as if getting ready to stand up. This caused Kyrie to startle into motion though. Terrified that he was going to leave her and never come back, her hands snapped forward until she was gripping his arms.
"W-wait! Please... Please don't leave!"
She looked at him with such emotion that it managed to get through his anger, and he stayed crouched in front of her, but he still couldn't bring himself to say anything even as she clung to his arms. Soon, she was resting her head on one of his arms, and he swallowed hard as he felt the so familiar small frame of hers tremble against him. He'd always loved the way that she felt, and even now there was no exception to that love. He wanted to bundle her up in his arms and keep her there forever so that no one would be able to touch her body but him; it sickened him to think that Renard had touched his lover in the same ways that he himself had touched her.
"How many times?"
Isaac's voice came out low and quiet, yet Kyrie had her ears perked for anything that he might say--she was desperate to get him to stay with her, to see that she still loved him so she'd been poised to be able to respond. This wasn't the question to really help him see that she still loved him though, so she bit at her lip until Isaac repeated the question, slower this time. She flinched to hear the thinly veiled anger in his voice and her brain frantically tried to think of a response. What could she say? How could she diffuse this anger?
"I don't... know..."
This answer told him all that he needed to know. It hadn't been just once or twice, it had been enough times that Kyrie didn't even know the exact number. No matter how much of a victim Kyrie had been the first time, there was no way she could've continued being a victim with a count that high. His anger spiked at that, and when he moved to jerk his arms away from her, her grip on him tightened with a strength that quite frankly surprised him.
"Please, Isaac! I love you, I love you so much that the thought of living without you is just too painful for me to bear! Never once have I lied to you about my feelings, about what I want for us. I want us to be together forever, I want you to be by my side and I want... I want whatever my future holds to have you in it. I don't love Renard, not even a little, but I do have a connection with him that just... That just seems to help me grow. He's not even trying to get in your way, Isaac! He would never dream of taking me away from you, and I don't even want to be taken away from you! You matter so much to me... Please... Please don't leave..."
Her nails were digging into the skin of his arm, and her hands shook with just how much force she was putting into getting him to stay. He could push her away if he wanted--he was stronger than her--but he couldn't deny that his heart went out to her. She was crying so much for him, and she was so desperate for him to stay with her that she was even hurting him a little in her efforts. He couldn't deny that there was a burbling rage brewing in him, but he found that his love for Kyrie was still the stronger force. He'd meant it when he'd said that she was the only one for him, and even if other women did come along he didn't think he'd ever love any of them more than he loved Kyrie. She was attentive to his needs, kind, a wonderful artist, and absolutely beautiful in his mind. Her expression brightened whenever she saw him, and he knew that kind of reaction couldn't have been an act.
He still loved her, but he wasn't sure he forgave her.
Still, he did move a hand to softly cup her cheek, and she moved into his touch with an eagerness that just broke his heart.
"Are you going to stop what you have with him?"
The happiness she felt at having him reach out to her faded in an instant, and her lip trembled a little as the tears continued to fall.
"Does... Does it really have to be one or the other?"
Isaac was quiet as a despondency settled over him and this caused Kyrie to panic, putting one of her hands over his on her cheek and lightly gripping it.
"If it does that's fine! You... You are more important to me than that."
That addition didn't really help much since his whole demeanor had drooped and hadn't recovered. The only upside was that he didn't move his hand away from her cheek yet. Isaac let his fingers gently stroke her cheek, and as he silently ran his finger over her skin, Kyrie felt like she could feel every stab into his own heart just as strongly as if it was into her own. Nuzzling into his hand to try and comfort despite the fact that she was the one that hurt him. His reaction to this movement of hers was minimal though, he just continued to stare with that lifelessness in his eyes.
"I don't know, Kyrie..."
This was murmured softly to her, and it was clear that he really didn't know what he was going to do about this information. He seemed to have lost all ability to think or react. But... But she'd stopped him from walking away, that had to count for something, right? He also was touching her again, actually listening to her pleas... Could she even dare to hope that he still loved her?
Feeling like this was at least a small victory, Kyrie slowly closed her eyes with a rather shaky sigh. He was still offering her comfort, after all this he was still willingly choosing to touch her. The hand still on his arm slowly unclasped, revealing the angry red welts that she'd left there with her nails; if he cared about the damage she'd done to him he certainly didn't show it. Letting her fingers entwine with his, he still didn't resist her motions, and she made a soft almost pained noise at that.
"You have to believe me, Isaac: it's you that I love, more than anything."
Pain etched across his features as she said this, and after looking at her for a moment he bowed his head.
"I do believe that..."
And perhaps that's what made this so painful. They both loved each other so much, so why would she possibly go to someone else for fulfillment? Was he somehow not good enough for her? Clearly there was some way that he was insufficient.
He hadn't said that he loved her back to Kyrie, but at least he knew that she loved him. That would have to be good enough for now. Kyrie leaned forward to softly kiss the top of his head, and he flinched a little, but otherwise didn't really respond.
A part of Kyrie felt nervous about that because she didn't know what Isaac was thinking, what he was deciding in his silence, but she just couldn't bring herself to want to ask and break the tenuous balance that they had right now. Isaac didn't break the silence either, and the longer he held his tongue the more she fretted about it. There was only one thing she really felt she could do at the moment, and that was hold tight to him. She was trying to show him with her actions just how much he meant to her, and just how much she didn't want to lose him. Isaac didn't fight her when she moved to hug him with one hand while the other continued to hold onto his. He didn't really return the hug though, his hand sunk down from her cheek to rest at her waist.
He was just kneeling on the floor with his head bowed, looking for all the world like nothing really mattered to him anymore.
Even still, the warmth of the woman that he loved pressed up against him was somehow comforting even despite knowing that she'd been with another man.
The two of them didn't say anything more to each other for the entire night. Kyrie desperately clung to Isaac, while Isaac silently accepted this attempt to keep him with her with seemingly no reaction at all. Eventually Kyrie managed to cry herself to exhaustion in Isaac's arms and she only hoped that he would still be there when she woke.