"What are we going to do when everyone else comes back?"
The words got blurted out by Kyrie one evening as the two of them lay together in one of the guest room beds. It wasn't the guest room that she and Isaac usually shared this time: after that first night, Kyrie felt like that room really should be reserved for just her an Isaac. She didn't want her experiences with both men to get muddied together, she felt like spending time with them was distinct enough that she wanted to keep it that way. After all… Why would she feel such a strong compulsion to enjoy both men's company if that wasn't the case? Renard had been understanding when she'd expressed that, but on the question she currently posed he rose an eyebrow at her.
"What do you mean? Didn't Dessi make it pretty clear what we're going to do?"
"You mean just... Confess everything that we've done to Vivian and Isaac?"
There was clear dismay in her features as she asked this, as if she was hoping that Renard was going to counter it with some other plan. He moved both hands to kind of ruffle her hair then, effectively interrupting that sad look that she was giving him.
"Don't give me that face. Everything will work out somehow or another. Vivian's stuck around with me before despite knowing that I've slept with other women, she'll get over it. I imagine Isaac will go through something similar: he'll be hurt at first but if he loves you enough then he won't leave you."
"But what if they don't get over it?"
Renard gave an ultimately rather nonchalant shrug.
"Then I suppose that'll be the end of that."
Kyrie was struck by just how unsettling she found Renard's reaction to be. He knew that he'd be causing Vivian and Isaac pain by telling them, but it would seem that he was much more receptive to the idea that they wouldn't continue to interact with him. Looking up at Renard's face with a furrowed brow, she was about to dispute his words when she saw the expression on his face. Ah... So it wasn't that he wouldn't miss them, it was that he wasn't going to stop them if they really felt that was what was best for their own happiness.
Even though Kyrie understood his perspective, she still didn't think that she could ever share it. If she ever lost Isaac that would be absolutely devastating; she didn't know that she'd ever be able to recover. If she lost Vivian as well then it'd be even worse; she wouldn't have her best friend or her lover, and that would just be unbearable.
It was strange though, when she thought about Renard sleeping with other women it really didn't bother Kyrie that much. It wasn't like she demanded that he only spend time with her, she just enjoyed what time the two of them had together whenever they had it. Even though she felt that way with Renard, with Isaac she didn't think she did. For some reason she wanted to spend more time with Isaac, and be involved with everything that he did. If he was sleeping with another woman that might bother her a bit. She wasn't sure why though: was it because Isaac advertised himself as more monogamous, or was it because she wanted to monopolize all his time herself? Whatever it was, her mindset for Renard and Isaac was completely different, and she fully internalized now that she didn't love Renard. Their bodies were attracted to each other, they enjoyed each other's company, and in a way he was helping her grow, but she didn't feel the urge to share everything with him. Every time she'd been drawn to Renard it was either from curiosity or desire, not because she wanted him to spend all of his free time on her. She loved Isaac, but she was just attracted to Renard.
Renard and Isaac really did love so differently though... Since Renard slept with so many women, the relationships that he had with them were looser, so to speak. It was easier for him to compartmentalize them so that he could thoroughly enjoy whichever one he was currently with. For Isaac, his love was only focused on one. He became immensely attached to that one and would do anything to keep his love happy. It felt like Renard was constantly only thinking in the moment, while Isaac was looking towards the future and preparing for it.
To think of what it must feel like for Isaac to know that she had slept with another man... If her own feelings about Isaac were anything to go off of in that regard, it would be horribly upsetting to say the least.
She didn't want to tell him. She didn't think she could tell him.
"Do we really have to tell them?"
Kyrie's voice was small as she asked this, and Renard tilted his head to the side a little. It was clear by his expression that he was at least receptive to this line of dialogue, and Kyrie only hoped that she'd be able to convince him to keep all this a secret. Or rather, she hoped that he would see the appeal of keeping it secret so that he could approach Dessi with the idea.
"Do you think it'd be better not to?"
Here Kyrie was silent for a moment. Once again her eyes were looking down though it would seem that this time it was more in contemplation than just shyness. Her face was slightly scrunched as she thought and once again Renard was struck by just how cute she was. His hand gently began massaging Kyrie's scalp then, and this distracted Kyrie for a moment as she closed her eyes and let out a soft hum.
Honestly, he couldn't care less whether they remained secretive about this whole thing or not. Usually he liked to be fairly open about what he was doing with everyone, but in this case being so open about it would seriously tear at the established relationships in the house. Vivian would end up hating Kyrie, and Isaac would end up hating him; perhaps they would both get over that hatred eventually, but there was no guarantee that was going to happen. It was one of the big reasons why he'd opted to keep the whole thing under wraps until now. It was just a hell of a lot nicer on everyone. Well... if Kyrie hadn't become a nervous wreck for a while it would've been everyone.
"It's something that'll hurt both Isaac and Vivian..."
"That it will, but don't you think it'll hurt more if we hide it for a while before they find out?"
"B-but why would they find out?"
"Surely you haven't forgotten how you acted after I first confronted you in the garden?"
Kyrie bit her lip at that, looking away from him with a mixture of shame and indignation.
"I wouldn't be like that again..."
"No?"
A smile rose to Renard's face and he ruffled up her hair.
"I've corrupted you real good, you don't even feel guilty about what you've done anymore!"
"This isn't a joking matter!"
Pushing his hand away from her head, the upset expression on Kyrie's face sobered up the smile on Renard's. Slowly bringing his hand back to place it on her cheek, he held her close to his body with his other hand.
"I know, I know it's not. But I don't really have the answers here. We can try to keep this a secret, sure, but we won't know what all can reveal itself completely subconsciously."
"If... If we didn't spend time together except when Vivian and Isaac weren't around, that should be safe, shouldn't it?"
"That's a long time to wait, Kyrie: Vivian doesn't often leave the house."
"Were you thinking we'd spend time together while they were around?"
The horrified look on Kyrie's face told Renard everything he needed to know about what she thought of that idea, and Renard shrugged in response.
"That's what happened the first time. Isaac may have been gone but Vivian wasn't."
"I couldn't... I couldn't do that... Not again..."
"You'd be surprised what you could do if you just tried."
Renard put both of his hands on either side of Kyrie's face as he said this, beating her to the punch before she could turn her gaze downwards. Leaning in for a soft kiss, Renard smiled at her then.
"But there's no rush, I suppose. We'll have all the time in the world assuming nothing happens to Lady Dandridge."
He knew Kyrie: when she said something was definitely not going to happen, what that really meant was that she could be convinced if the right conditions were met. She would have sex with Isaac and be perfectly content with that, but eventually, when her body began to crave something different again, then she'd be likely to start seeking him out again. In the roundabout Kyrie way, of course. With Kyrie it was often a matter of patience, but so long as he had that patience he was more than amply rewarded.
Letting his hands slip past her cheeks to slide against her scalp again, Kyrie made another soft sound as her eyes closed. Renard had learned just as Isaac had learned that she adored this feeling, and as Renard rubbed his fingers through her hair, it made her think of Isaac and of how much she missed him. Renard was a fine partner in bed, but the feeling of snuggling up to Isaac was completely different to snuggling up to Renard. She could feel her eyes watering as she thought of her other lover, and she clenched her eyes shut harder to prevent the tears from falling.
"I just... I don't want to lose them."
Renard let out a soft sigh as he leaned in to rub his cheek against hers.
"No matter what you decide to do, I don't think you'll lose them."
The only response Kyrie gave to that was silence. Perhaps they wouldn't be lost completely, but things would never be the same if they found out. Kyrie would have broken both of their trust, and trust was not something that could ever be fully regained. At least, in Kyrie's experience it certainly wasn't. She'd watched her previous mistress lose all faith in her licentious husband, she'd heard of Mae immediately dismissing anyone who once opposed her, she'd felt the lack of trust herself towards her previous housekeeper that had made so many promises but barely ever followed through on them... Once that trust was lost, there was no getting it back. If it ever did come back, it was very different than it had been before.
"So what do you think, Kyrie? Shall we try to keep this a secret, or should we tell Vivian and Isaac once they get back?"
Kyrie's eyes snapped open to look at Renard briefly, almost with a bit of panic to be made the one making the decision. She'd been hoping that Renard would have more of an opinion on the matter, not just complete and total apathy. The way the conversation had gone, she had no idea if Renard even had a preference on what should be done. It was painful for Kyrie to really make a decision on this whole thing, but Renard had always been one who wanted to get Kyrie to advocate more for herself rather than just follow what someone else said. He would back whatever it was she said, but it didn't change the fact that it was still what she said that would be the deciding factor.
What did she really want...? Did she want to keep hiding all of this and potentially have her guilt slowly build again? Or did she want to tell Isaac and Vivian what happened before things got too far in? She didn't want either of these options, but still she had to choose one.
Letting out a hard breath, Kyrie rubbed at her eyes to make sure whatever moisture had been there was no longer threatening to make a scene. Finally she spoke, but in a voice so soft that Renard had to lean in even closer than he already was to hear her.
"I don't want to tell them..."
Gently brushing her hair out of her face then, Renard kissed her forehead before smiling gently at her.
"Then I suppose we'll have to talk to Dessi about it. It wouldn't do if she ended up blowing our cover."
Kyrie gave him a weak smile at that, but she was already dreading bringing this up with Dessi. She was definitely going to disapprove, and even though Kyrie could see the merits of making everyone aware of what was going on in the house, she just couldn't bring herself to want to share what she'd done.
It just... It couldn't do any harm so long as no one knew about it, right?