Today was one of his off-days. The library was closed and will continue to be so until Aaron gathered his bearings. If his mood didn't improve he might have to regretfully stay closed for the whole week. The thought of not having any income twisted at his stomach but for right now, he could care less.
Every year at the same day he shuts by himself and succumbs to his inner demons and his guilt. Aaron may appear to be the perfect and organized man but at times he didn't feel like that, the weight of the world crushing his shoulders and threatening to drown him in its sorrows.
He prided himself in having most control over his life, calculating and analytical down to even meals. He is precise and meticulous like that but on this day of every year, he crumbles.
Three days had already passed and yet he can't stop sobbing his heart out. Donna attempted to coax him out of his room but he wouldn't listen, opting to turn off his phone and tuck it by a corner, wallowing in his room and only getting out to eat or head to the bathroom. After the quick trip he would shut himself back in his room, accompanied by Chip most of the time.
Chip of course sensed his melancholy, nudging his master's hand with his wet nose and whimpering sadly. Aaron gave him a sad smile and stroked his head, scratching his dog by the neck.
"I know, boy. But I can't help it; I miss her too much and the guilt still eats at me. Forgive me, Chip."
The terrier only yipped in response before trotting off to the other side of the room, sniffing around and curling into a ball once he had found a spot. The familiarity of the action pulled a slight smile to Aaron's lips, but soon after his mirth dissipated and he sighed, resting the back of his head on the wall and letting a tear drop from his left eye to stain his pajama pants.
Seconds after, loud pounding and banging from below could be heard, Aaron looking up from the page he was mindlessly destroying to curiously tilt his head at the sound. When there was silence once more he focused once again on the page but was interrupted by a series of knocks which sounded like they were coming from downstairs.
Now who would be making such a racket?
Aaron stood and crossed his room to get to the window overlooking the outside, pushing the curtains aside and throwing the glass pane open to be able to peek out and see better. He choked on his spit at seeing Georgina's unmistakable mouse-brown curly hair, frizzy in the cold air; how interesting the weather seemed to match his mood.
"Aaron Miller why the hell is my favorite place locked up huh?" he heard her shout at the top of her lungs, earning stares from passersby. She sniffed and growled at whoever gave her judgmental looks, the people scurrying about at her fierce glare. Aaron chuckled; that was her all right scaring them away. She pounded her fists on the closed library doors. "I demand an explanation, buster! Don't go hiding in your hole all day and come out and face me!"
Why did she have to be so loud? Maybe if he left her alone she would leave.
Then she paused, Aaron looking at the top of her head in curiosity. He saw her tilt her head up and he promptly shut the windows and curtains, heart hammering in his throat at the possibility of being caught.
He didn't want to see anyone today; not even her. He hoped she understood.
Perhaps if he pretended not to be at home she would also consider leaving.
The banging ceased after a few seconds and Aaron was extremely grateful she stopped her incessant pounding. She should know even if she did that he wouldn't open his doors. But then he heard something heavy being pushed and when he set his curtain aside just a bit, he saw Georgina already entering.
He figured she must have picked his lock. Well, being friends with a thief certainly had its perks, he mused with a rueful smile.
Not long after, he heard her angry footsteps and her knocking on each door she came upon.
"Aaron! Aaron where're you?!" he heard her demand angrily as she knocked on what he assumed was the bathroom.
Chip then began barking, Aaron turning to him and quickly scooping him in his arms. Soon a fist hit his bedroom door, the librarian unconsciously hugging his dog close to his chest, knowing he had been found out.
Georgina's palm batted at the door then it stopped, thankfully. Then the doorknob jiggled and came off completely, Aaron's jaw dropping at the sheer brute strength Georgina displayed. The door was kicked aside with such force it collided with the wall but the woman before him stopped its momentum with a hand, her steely gaze only on him. Despite himself he gulped and set Chip down, his dog barking happily as he circled around Georgina's feet.
Georgina allowed herself a tiny smile to the dog that left after greeting. Then her expression hardened once more and she pounced and sprinted toward him. Aaron stood his ground and mentally prepared himself for a beating that was bound to come. No more running away… he had been doing this for three consecutive years and it was draining.
What he didn't expect was a pair of arms to be around his neck and a warm body hugging the life out of him, a shocked gasp his only response.
He was used to receiving violence from this woman; not compassion. She fought with sharp words and flying fists; not with something like affection. Still, even with the unusual treatment he couldn't keep the waterworks at bay and let slip a tear or two, struggling feebly to give any sort of hint to Georgina he didn't want—didn't need—a hug of all things.
Aaron gave her a slight push and managed to croak throatily, "Go home, George."
"Let it out if you need to, jerk," Georgina softly said, squeezing just a tad tighter and never relinquishing her hold. "I ain't leaving and that's that."
Aaron wanted so badly to throw her off, shove her away, and cry until next week. But at the same time his feelings were bubbling to the surface and he didn't know how to respond. He wanted to hold her close and cry on her shoulder; being alone made his heart clench painfully and left him breathless; as if he had run miles and wasn't even able to catch a few seconds of reprieve.
He blinked numbly and for once gave in to the torrent of emotions attacking him, sinking down to press the cloth of Georgina's sweater by his eyes, winding his arms around her waist and sobbing uncontrollably, unable to stop even if he wanted to.
Georgina smelled of flowers, cider, and something spicy he couldn't quite name but it was a nice scent. Some of the strands of her untamable hair managed to get caught between his lips but he merely shook his head to rid himself of the mouthful of hair. And still he didn't mind. His back hurt due to stooping so low. Georgina was small for her age and Connor usually poked fun of her height but Aaron couldn't bring himself to care, breath hitching and the flow of tears never stopping as he thought of his dear mother, her sickly and kind face flashing through his mind's eye. Guilt once again took hold of his heart, threatening to crush it into indiscernible pieces.
~~
Aaron sat by one of the tables in his library, a warm cup of English tea clutched in his hands. Ah, George was getting better at remembering what he liked. The thought of it made a small smile bloom on his lips, heart warmed at the small but meaningful gesture.
Soon enough she appeared with a cup of coffee with a few lumps of sugar floating at the top. He pointed at it as she took a seat across from him.
"You didn't stir too well, George."
If she called him by his second name, it was only right he had his own name for her and it was to shorten her first name. Granted, it did sound like a boy's name but Georgina rather liked it so he kept at it.
Georgina looked at her cup and scoffed, waving a dismissive hand.
"Don't worry about that; there're more important things to talk about." She stared at him knowingly. "And I admit I don't know much but Donna went out of her way to explain stuff to me. But of course I wanna hear the whole thing from you. So I'm waiting. And if you think you can send me away with some dumb smile or a half-hearted excuse I ain't leaving anytime soon." There was the familiar fire in her eyes behind her spectacles as she stared hardly at him. "So you better start talkin', Lance."
A soft chuckle of amusement left his lips as he set down his cup.
"I was about to tell you."
Her knitted brows unfurled and an embarrassed look appeared on her face. She giggled nervously and attempted to pat down her hair. "That so? Well fire away, my man."
He chuckled again and nodded once before turning sober and frowning slightly, trying to organize the jumbled mess his thoughts had become.
Georgina must have sensed his difficulty and reached out a hand to pat his. Aaron's eyes snapped to her and she offered an encouraging smile.
"Doesn't matter if you don't know where to begin, ol' buddy ol' boy," she said. "Just take a deep breath and try to clear your mind. Yeah they're overwhelming but it's nothing a deep breath can't fix." He kept his eyes on her and she smiled a little. "Trust me on this, yeah?"
He nodded and took a deep breath, feeling the air reach his lungs. He did feel better and his raging thoughts simmered into something tangible that could be expressed through words.
"I've never been too good with feelings," he said slowly, gaze on the polished wood of the table. "I tend to overthink and over-analyze even the simplest of gestures sometimes I find myself going through sleepless nights." He sighed woefully. "At this point I am convinced I will stay this way. But what really is the heart of my concerns is this guilt that consumes me on this day starting three years ago."
He chanced a glance at his companion, who had been dutifully silent until now. She gave a small nod and smile. He returned the gesture and sighed heavily.
"Three years ago on this very day, my mother died."
Georgina gasped, hands going to her mouth in horror and shock. He knew she prepared to spew out condolences and he stopped her with a raised hand, giving a sad smile.
"I appreciate your sentiments," he said sincerely. "Three years ago, I found out late my mother had cancer. I studied far from home and no one in my family bothered to tell me of our financial problem. As it is, most of my parents' money was spent to send me off to college to become a doctor. It had been my dream once but I quickly realized it wasn't what I wanted in life." He snorted. "Some son I am, right? Wasting his parents' money with almost nothing left to scavenge.
"My mother died in her deathbed and our family spent a good four years trying to pay for her hospitalization. My father and younger sister assure me it isn't my fault but I don't believe that for even a second." His hand curled into a fist, eyes watering fast. "Had I known what I wanted from the beginning my whole family wouldn't have to suffer and my mother would have been treated." Only then did he raise his eyes to Georgina, eyes swimming with an expression he couldn't understand. "I'm pathetic, aren't I? Your look says so."
She frowned. "Why you gotta assume the worst, Lance? Can't it be possible I feel bad for what happened to you? You know I respect you. One sob story doesn't change that."
"You should be hitting me and telling me I am a horrible man for doing this to his own mother," Aaron said. "I don't deserve any sympathy. That is why I punish myself by mourning her death at the same day every year."
She only stared at him, unblinking. Aaron believed he's won the verbal spar.
"She doesn't blame you."
He blinked. "Excuse me?"
"Your mom," she clarified. "She doesn't blame you. Your parents wanted the best education for you simply because you're their son. And about your family not telling you, I guess they wanted you to focus on your studies." She pursed her lips. "Haven't you thought of that possibility? I think your family was serious when they said it ain't your fault. I mean, I totally agree."
He pinned her a deadpan look. "You are only stating this because we are friends."
She shook her head fervently.
"I'm serious. I'm telling you what I think. Put yourself in your dear mama's shoes for once. I'm sure you'd love to give the whole galaxy to your kid. That's what my own mom would do, I know."
He gave an apologetic smile for making her remember the horrible memories of the car accident. She smiled a little to show she wasn't bothered much.
Georgina slapped his shoulder then and he yelped more in surprise than pain.
"Smile now, okay?" she said in a soft tone as he rubbed the sore spot. "How're you gonna give me a niece and nephew if you're fucking frowning like that?"
For the first time in a long time, Aaron laughed. And seeing Georgina grin like that, he deduced she was also glad to see him smiling. Really, he appreciated her.