Have you ever believed that first love don't always come true?
I used to think that way when I unconsciously and slowly fell in love with the player, bully, and a total slacker guy in our school. He often go to the rooftop of our classroom building to sleep every lunch break, I went ahead and visit the rooftop when I was in third year highschool, although I successfully met him, I went in the scene at a pretty bad timing, his buttons are already undone by the famous cheerleader in our school who's sitting on his lap, by the looks of it, they were kissing.
The famous cheerleader May Margaux who flinched when she saw me stood up and ran towards to my side to where the door is.
" I'll remember you, bitch!"
She whispered with an angry and firm tone, forcing me to look at her expression, but it was too late, she was way too fast for me to take a glimpse at her angry expression. I turned ahead only to see Kurt Blythe wall slamming me as his face leaned nearer to my ear, I was shocked and scared at the same time that I couldn't move an inch.
" Ahh~" he chimed a sigh. " Look what you've done, now that she's gone, will you be her substitute?"
He whispered in my ear with his soft yet slightly deep voice, he said that but it somehow felt forced. I can feel my hands trembling, heart beating fast, and face heating up, I couldn't even dare to look him in the eyes!.
" Pfft, what's this? After ruining my mood and my meet up with someone, you can't even take responsibility of the trouble you made?"
He chuckled sinisterly as he shove up his messy bangs which reveals his handsome feature.
" I-I'm sorry!"
I bowed but ended up hitting his stomach! I didn't realize that we were super close! he crouched and groaned from the pain. What should I do?! He's gonna kill me!!
I extended a helping hand to him, my hand is trembling and my eyes are shut tightly. Moments later, I can feel a warm hand grabbing mine, I opened my eyes at the same time as he pulled me down to him.
" What? Girls call me handsome, how come you look scared? Am I scary or something?"
" N-no..." I answered, but I just can't look at him, he's half naked for Pete's sake!
" Get off, you're heavy!" He complained, he seems pissed off but he's not pushing me away or struggling. I just obediently stood up and offer him a hand once more.
" Y-you could've just push me away..." I said.
" ... Idiot, look behind you" He said as he accept my offered hand and stand up, I did as I was told. Behind me was ten step stairs and another ten steps to the left. So if he pushed me, I'd fall there and probably break a few bones.
" I... see..." I gulped.
" 'I see' my ass! Why the fuck are you here? didn't I announced I've had enough sex for today?! That the girl seconds ago would be the last for today?! Go find someone else as your fucking dildo! Ah! Fuck! I'm already in bad mood because of that bitch!" He continued cussing, venting his anger on me.
' Hold up... did he say... d-d-d-dildo?!! '
*
Well, that was a year ago... but it felt like it was just a moment ago when he cussed me repeatedly... Haah, even though that was a year ago, he's still a womanizer, a fucker, and a total jerk... but just like his personality, my feelings for him remained the same. It's weird how I fell for him when I saw him playing the game I made when I was 15, he was having so much fun that a rare smile appeared whenever he reaches the next level, and that made me fall deeper... I felt appreciated, it was refreshing and nice.
It was also a year ago when I messed with someone I shouldn't have, May has be torturing me since then from now, not only her, her co-cheerleader friends also joined the bullying, and just like that, I was treated like trash by the whole school, my parents can't afford to transfer me to another school... all they could do was beg me with tear streaming from their watery eyes to bear with them a little longer, and that everything will be alright because God is with us always...
I cry every night from the pain I feel mentally and physically. I must be brave and rationally understand why things happens... I know, but I can't handle this... but I will anyway. I tell myself that this is a fight that I don't want to win, a fight that will determine that money is not all there is in this society! How can I?!
*
I went to school, be bullied, study, read, and be bullied once more before going home...
I didn't go home yet, my hair was poured with my orange juice, May did it... and my only allowance that was enough for that orange juice box was gone just like that... " Ew, you stink! Sticky monster bitch!" She said and left me behind the canteen building.
I crouched and started breathing slowly, letting out the bad things and thinking that's building up in my head. I want to stab her, to pluck every stand of her hair one by one, skin her, feed her to maggots, humiliate her, choke her to death, I want to make her suffer badly enough for her to beg me on her knees as she kiss the ground... But... My parents won't ever allow it, they believe that being kind and faithful to God is all it takes for better life... but that's not how I see it, I want to believe that in this land I shall dirty myself and wash it all up in heaven... Am I bad?
" I just felt bloodlust, was that you?"
A familiar voice asked as I feel a finger tapping my shoulder.
" Do you know the game called 'Cute Pet of Mine' ?" He asked after making me face him. " If you're ever stressed out, you must play it." He recommended.
" Pfft, haha " I laughed weakly.
" What? You think I'm childish too?" Kurt Blythe looked at me like I'm judging him, he must be feeling self-conscious because it's a game that usually attracts girls and childrens. Looking at our surroundings, we are the only ones left there except for the old lady that sells the food.
" No, thank you. That cheered me up just now haha."
" Why are you laughing, are you nuts?" he asked, weirded out.
" Haha, that's because I made that cute game, and you just recommended it to its creator, you're funny haha. "
" WHAT?! " He stood up, probably stunned. His face went all red, and wow, Sir you just made me fall for you all over again, I'm already deeply in love with you, please stop blushing, you're giving me a heart attack.
" ... Are you hungry? What do you want to eat? My treat. He offered.
" Really? Thanks! I'm hungry!" I accepted, well, since there's no reason not to.
And just like that, I have gained a "Cute Pet of Mine" that follows me around.