Rayleigh
I suddenly wake up from the voices that held me out from my long-time sleep and I realized I was in a hospital bed at the same time.
WHERE I AM?!
I didn't remember any of the memories and think for now since it's hazy and I felt dizzy, I can't get up since I'm weak.
But I know I was in the bed, lay in here, as I remember myself alone, same quiet room before, seeing myself lay there alone and the feeling of peace once more, I felt I was in my state, my dying self but no I'm not dying today since I'm awake with this new self and new life that I have, this boy
Who knows and I realize that why I am here and reborn in this person.
Here I am awake from this place without the memories about this person, I am aware too well that I can't go back anymore I am dead in the same hospital bed,
I just don't want to sink it to me since I don't want to be frightened and this feeling of being terrified
I precisely think of myself to what am I going to do, in this new life of mine. This face of the stranger that I would live with I
so I lay there for a while, I have no time to be in a panic, I need to think.
Breath in
Breath out
I suddenly felt an ache in my head, like it crack my skull it look like I banged my head big time.
It's hurting again but I need to get up and turn to look aside, I was frozen when I saw someone stare at me with widened green eyes this person, or I would say my current self and this pale face of mine since there was a mirror in my side.
The heck?!
Who this being be?
who is this kid?
A girl?
I looked at myself and touch my chest at it seem flat and I noticed that thing down there.
I frown at a lady-like boy.
So I did reborn into someone else in this state. this a ladylike body named Ashton or Ash
The question was who this boy was?
What is this boy doing in here? This skinny body of his laying in this bed for a long time. And why?
When I stay here my feeling and pain of memories come back.
My memories from the past self lay in the bed and hopeless.
The feeling of loneliness and painful realization that no one wouldn't go to visit you from his last life, remembering the people who love the most, the people you killed just able to, and the cries of the people cursing me to death. Before dying this was I am thinking and wished to go back and do the right thing but I know I can't do it since this fate the way of me for a living, and now my time was going to end since my goal (I mean my fate was done) and died alone in the hospital since my only home that called mine was longer to be mine since I let it go for a long time ago
My home and my family were not mine anymore.
The family that I grew up with was not with me anymore and I can't call mine since I give up them before my death.
Since my death limited for me to do the right thing, and it's too late to regret since that was the life I choose (no, this thing called fate chose this for me and also the death itself since it's a plan for a long time)
Even I ended like that alone but still, I have done something before I died, I save someone's life from his death, it been 10years ago when I met that patient who that I closed before,
the boy who been sick since he was a baby and now I guess he was alive and healthy, maybe he would live what he was in mind while myself did die that time but I was given a second chance to be alive and do the right thing and the thing was to live a peaceful life he wishes before he dead
The death was not a scary thing to accept, only to have regrets about this without resolving on it, you can't fix it.
Memories of the regrets I have been still in there bothered me, the voices of the people who begged to their lives and voices while cursing me to death,
But here I am now alive and still breathing that's why I felt blessed and also felt disgusted from myself since I think I don't deserve this, I looked at this boy, this beautiful young man with green eyes staring back.
'I don't know why you end like this, but I assured you, you'll live as best as you wanted to'
I just sigh
I honestly don't know what to do, and I just stare at the open window, thinking what this world became this time since I remember it's been 10 years since I died.
I was just 35 years old, I'm been diagnosis with different kinds of cancers, plenty of it, I am like a corpse, only mind, and heart who still make me alive, but the others slowly gave up on me, my own body started to give up, not my heart, but I give up this one to give another chance of living, this young boy with that innocent and beautiful blue eye, and died young since maybe this was my punishment.
I don't know what to do? Since here I am alive and breathing
I felt this feeling of unsure since I am always sure what I'm going to do, my every decision it's always had an answer but now I didn't know
who knows what my life will be like.
While I was thinking deeply into it, suddenly the door opened and saw this two old couple with teary eyes
(I think this boy's Grandparents).
"Oh, my Lil Ash.. you're awake," Grandma said in her teary eyes when they saw me, while me staring at me since I didn't know them so
I don't know how to react.
It seems these two felt my discomfort so they held to themself and I see their sadness in their faces so I felt guilty to hurt them through my action, It was new to me as Rayleigh who been never had a family since. Except the family was not a family but I regard it as a family of my own.
I just live my own and make my name when I was still alive.
As Rayleigh, It's new to me, and I tried to reach out to them and I did.
"I am sorry, Grandma," I say in a timid tone
(I shocked myself since I did not speak like this).
The two look at me with shock and soften.
"It's okay, Ash we don't blame you, your grandma and I were glad that you are safe," my Grandpa said.
Then the doctor came in and speak with them then to me.
so He just nod and said
"I see, he has amnesia, since its a serious one, its whole memory of his, still he didn't gain to remember, so it's hard to get it back," He said.
"Can He still regain his memories and remember Doc?" asked Grandpa
"In this case, it depends on the patient to gain their memories but to me, it's hard to gain the memories back after that accident, He bangs His head pretty good," the doctor said, slowly " I am sorry sir ma'am."
The two elders didn't believe and they became emotional, that's why theme didn'tbear to see them like this since my guilt became increased since I know I am not their grandson, I never remember them at all (maybe not now) The doctor said I stay here for a bit for examining in 3 days after that I can discharge.
"It's okay, son if you have no memory about us, the important was you awake and alive," my grandma said, hugging me and my Grandpa just tap my shoulder as an agreement.
I just let them hug me
I just sigh
I don't know what to do, at least I will be their grandson for a while (To ease my guilt that has been eaten me slowly day by day).