I am Aine, Class C student, my family are middle class peoples, and my parents support me from what i want to do, they said that i should enjoy my life while i am still a teen because if i step on the society of the adults, i won't have any chance to live my life by the time i can earn my own money.
We are just a middle class family, a lot of hardwork would be needed if i want to enjoy my life, but i would be selfish if i do so, i want to pay back my parents.
And so, when i transferred, i tried to make friends, and do parties, but, it's too late when i realize that they are not real friends.
Gossips spreads throughout the scholars, the so called privilege enjoying what's happening like a person watching a drama on tv, not affected physically of whatever is happening.
I got labelled as slut, bitch, and many harsh words since my friends are delinquents, the girls are connected to a gang that is just concealing as a club room, the boy friends i have just want to laid me off.
I am pretty, but i became scared after i became the main entertainment of the people for a while.
I was bullied, classroom, hallway, restroom, i am lucky enough not to be harassed by guys.
Burning my bag, wet paint on my chair, shoes full of sand dirt in my locker, a bucket of water in a cubicle, photoshop picture of my nudity.
I accepted all of it, i cried secretly, i never told my parents, i don't want to cause troubles to them, i can still bear it.
The bullying become more severe, some hit me with rulers, some interrupt me when i am in front of class presenting something, to the point it affected my grade, the teachers looks zombies, they are tired to deal with these students.
Some guys started to harass me, it belongs to the gang of my past friends, i leave them long time ago ever since the rumors started to become severe but i think that they are the one who started it.
I cannot bear it anymore, my hands are getting cold, i ran away and scared of everyone's gaze, until he greet me.
"Um, hello? Uhhh, are you troubled?"
He looks like a dumb but then when he saw the people around him laughing and gossiping, he instantly changed.
"Oh! That's right, i remember, didn't you promised that we are going to have a meal?"
He is embarrassed as his hand is shaking trying to touch me, he drag me to the cafeteria and then buy me snacks.
I thought he is one of the people who are just taking advantage of me and my suspicion become stronger everytime i look to his eyes.
My everyday school life never become the same after i met him, he is a transfer in our class and always greet me, he always saves me in trouble by standing in front of me while being embarrassed.
One day, we stayed on a rooftop after tricking the people who bullied me that i am in a specific location he pointed.
We ate launch together, he is shy to talk to me, and it's getting worse every yesterday that he cannot look at my eyes or any part of my body directly.
"Hey, say, why are you staying with me, you know who i am right."
I am calm when i talked to him, i don't even care now if he is just trying to get laid, i just stay away from him, possibly set up by those people.
But then, i felt it in my heart, why am i so sad? Is it because this false help gave me hope? Is it because i felt that i trusted a wrong person? I trusted my friends before but why does this feel different? Or is that, i failed to understand my parents words.
I am shaking, my tears are about to fall, i want to leave but why am i still waiting?
He saved me from those bullies by stepping out and threatening them with student council nearby, he always buy me foods and take me to quite places, tell me interesting stories.
Do i want a confirmation if all of this events are real?
But then, all of my thoughts was ruined with his answer.
"I... It's not that, not like that... Well, i like you."
"What?"
My voice is filled with questions asking the stuttering voice.
"Well, it's love a first sight to be precise."
"Love at first sight?"
"Ah yeah ahhh."
He's nervous, he's out of excuses right? Is this a prank by them? And ruin me?
"Why?"
"....Well, i know what you have been through, it may be a childish reason, but i just really want to be cool in front of you..."
To be cool? Im front of me?
I never really saw him as cool or anything, i never looked at his face that much, glances, i thought that those smiles contains impure thoughts but when i look at his face now, i can see it.
His clear forehead is dripping sweats, his eyebrows are tensed, his brown eyes are clear, his black hair that is freshly comb is looking weird, his red lips are stiff while his hands are gripping as he rubs his index finger nail to his thumb out of nervousness.
He's eyes is conflicted of anxiousness and determination, his breathing become deeper, he frequently blink his eyes even more.
Is this still an act?
This is what i am thinking but my brain says, i want to listen to him.
But he suddenly become sad and losing hope.
"You know Anria-san, i did really like you, i feel that if i act like a cool person, you might come to like me, but when i saw that your face still never change, i tried other ways, such as treating you in cafeteria, i really like karaoke but if i drag you there, the rumor will only become severe and you might avoid me, i also tried to be more cool by visiting some places i think it's cool, but...your face, it never changes."
It felt like someone stab my heart, i am pale, i can feel the heavy beat of my heart, my sweating hands and stomach ache, it's different yet similar to the first time i heard the gossip about me.
"Even now, i think that i never become cool in front of you, haha... I am, even losing hope now Anria-san, but i don't want to leave you, if i do, you have no one to rely on, and you'll become even more sad than the face i saw when i first met you, my guilt is holding me back from abandoning you, but my affection to you is also the one supporting my guilt."
What do i do now? Is he confessing to me? But he will only get in trouble, i think he's sincere but... It's not like it's going to change anything, i will be still bullied, not only that, i will even drag him.
But why? I can feel, someone saying to me that i should accept.
I don't feel any romantic feelings about him, but is it a pity, a pity of not wanting to disappoint someone and make them sad? Does my fake friends also felt this once in their lives?
I am conflicted to what to say.
"I understand Anria-san if i am being a creep, but please tell me, do you want me to leave you alone? I... I already gave up the thought of being your boyfriend but, somewhere in my heart is still finding a chance, if not... Can we still be friends?"
But my bursting thoughts can't just respond to him, i don't want him to get hurt too, i can't!
His face become more lonely as i stayed silent for a long time.
"....I see Anria-san, if i am being a bother i understand, please eat more a lot, i really made this bento for you, i noticed that you eat less, so please eat this."
He stand up as if he wants to stay away from me, not because of my reputation, but he ran away the same manner as i avoid my parents from seeing me crying.
I can't say anything, and i will hurt him, but if i accept, aren't i just using him as my protection?
But when i saw his bento, neatly made and reheated, i changed my answer.
He always leave for awhile during lunch not because he's going to report to his friends or the gangs, but to reheat the foods every lunch, and the cafeteria is far in our class so he always sweating when he came back, i always thought that he's getting bullied too and they tried to use him to hurt me too.
It's all misunderstanding, i just overthink too much!
He always do this just for me, and i failed to realize that.
That's the reason why the lunch... It's always warm, he is just doing this for me, sometimes, the place we stay are even farther than this, he always try to make it fresh just for me.
The moment he is about to leave in the door, i ran toward him and held his clothes.
He looked at me, his eyes is about to drop a tear.
Is it late? Will he still accept me?
But i think, those thoughts are useless,. because i already spoke the words i want to say.
"Please, let's be friends."
I bowed down with a shame.
Our guilts are pity but why does it feels different? I feel that it isn't pity for me.
"A Anria-san, please, don't bow so lowly." He's surprised
"I am sorry for making you take care of me."
"Haaa? Ah, i mean, okay."
I lifted my head and i can saw his face blushing, his mood seems to become better and his tear stopped on his eyelids.
"I.. Is that true..."
"I am sorry, i failed to look at what you are doing, i always thought you have an ulterior motives about me and being instructed by the bullies, but after i realized it, i am wrong, that why, i never saw you as a cool person, that's why. Please, show me again."
"Ah..."
He's embarrassed he turned around and mumbled.
"Ahemmm, of course, it's nothing, let's get to know each other well, Anria-"
He blushed again, it's because he thinks he said something embarrassing.
"Let's get to know each other too, Korisu-kun."
My smiled return, it's been a while since i laugh.
I don't care if it's a small happiness, but this is the hope i am still clinging.
Have a happy life, even it is temporary, please god, make this moments real.