Phobos stiffens to my abrupt contiguity to him and takes an apparent step apart from my heat as I wince at his immoral action. He is truly ruthless with his ways, he does not care if it bites me.
"Your female?" Deimos questions with stupefaction as I chew into my lower lip. I wonder if he shall be perturbed with me that I hid this from him or would he think that I merely found out about it recently as well? I wait tenaciously for my mate to answer but startle as I sense the flame of his blues upon me.
Meek eyes rise to behold his only to gawk in perplexity. Why do you look at me like that? As though I have committed a trespass against you and the moon. As though I have done something shameful and corrupt. Never in my wildest dreams did I ever think I shall be marked down by you this way.
Ripping my eyes off him I pray that I can disappear beneath the storm, this position I am in is not of happy one but a gut-wrenching one. I loathe it.
The way he stared at me now is ranging from how his globes held me when he claimed me as his in my pack. It is as though he wishes to complain to his brother about being gifted with something he did not want. The variation of his actions agonize me with fervour, I cannot understand him. How can I when he would not speak to me?
Our gathering ceases as swiftly as it commenced for Deimos and Lumina are fatigued after their travel and she wishes to rest. Carrying a pup is no effortless process, I know this for I assisted Cronus with the pregnant females.
I stand alone on the barren field as the storm rests, regarding every wolf depart to the warmth of their mates and homes until I am left alone with nature hiking quietly to the place that retains the heart of my memories.
Phobos left to unwind in his own room, I knew he wouldn't share one with me. Why would he when he does not need me as I need him? Perhaps being next to me is agony for him yet I am unable to comprehend why he would claim me then, for what purpose?
I take the ubiquitous trail to the rear of the castle envisioning me as a pup leaping ahead in front of me in eagerness to see the male she missed. I remember how smitten I was by him, I would have been so thrilled to know he was mine.
The castle is sombre yet I find it to maintain the same light it held when I was blooming. The turbulent excited booms of her laughter seem to echo buried within my ears. I follow the childish me as she guides us to the garden, to our place. I had yearned to return here, to perch by the tree and gather succour.
We halt, her and I gawking up at the bolted gates with puzzlement. Thick vines wrap oppressively around its archaic rods revealing to me it has not permitted any wolf to pass for years. Why is it locked? Did Deimos arrange this, but why? Knowing this place subsisted gave me life. Why would he abandon it this way?
With an indignant huff and a brusque nod of determination, I unhesitantly climb up to plant my bare feet upon the bars attempting to balance well and not slip. The gate possesses razor-sharp heads that shall surely slit me deep if I falter.
I am cautious with my steps, being patient with myself as I triumphantly surmount over to the other side ungracefully. If mama saw me right now she would surely be provoked by my unfeminine ways. Yet I have come to the castle after years of parting, I must see the one place I treasure.
Yet as I try to descend my enthusiasm has me overlook my current position as the fringe of my dress is trapped by the spikes and I speedily lose balance, my dress ripping with my weight as I collapse to the ground brutally wounding my knee.
"That hurts." I kvetch inspecting my leg as the supple flesh is slashed open to release dense squirts of blood. I close my eyes and groan in distress at the sight of blood. After a few seconds, I scrutinize my soiled dress now enduring bloodstains. I must cast away this attire, it cannot be resurrected to its originality for it has been dirtied to the supreme extremity.
Arising nonchalantly dusting my palms over my dress I turn to take in the entirety of the tenebrous garden. Dead. Everything that once existed glamorously has been left savagely to expire. There is no beauty to the place anymore, it is vacuous and soulless.
The waterfall has shrivelled up the rocks engulfed by lush moss, whilst the dove cages have eroded and look worn and drudging. Yes, it looks sad to me yet the pup that stayed all these years preserving inside me through ordeals is set free to explore the place she treasures.
She marshals me straight to the tree, our precious tree. She still compasses its exact location with precision. With a tender smile on my face, I follow her once more each memory I hold here with Phobos dawning to me with luminosity, all my senses inundated by the essence of the garden.
Our mingled laughter as we sat here on the fresh grass and read books together, the way he ruffled my hair with playfulness as I had splattered water all over him from the waterfall and the way he squatted down by my side to narrate the names of each dove within that cage. Never once was he bothered by my antics always by my side.
It is a tortuous path towards the tree but it supplies the solace and closure I seek. With her tiny white floral dress and bare feet, the pup hops on her feet eager to get to it. Yes, this was how hyperexcited I was. I remember it all now.
When we do reach the tree I stare up at the thin frail branches void of any life or leaves. I remember the dense leaves it possessed and all the birds that would create their nests upon them singing their melodies early in the morning. I would sit right here and wait for Phobos. He always knew that this is where I would be and would come to find me.
A faint breeze sweeps past my flesh as I settle my tousled locks securely behind my ear. Laying my palm over the log I stoop down to see the words I had carved here when I was eleven years of age after Phobos had left.
"Phobos and Theia," I murmur out loud as a soft smile rests over my face. Holding the pendant of the necklace I have worn proudly for years my fingers brush against the stone with a contentedness. It was the leaf from this tree that he embedded within the gem, I never once took it off as I promised him. I wonder if he noticed it.
Craving to spend the night here in the garden I settle down beneath the tree. The pup I followed sits with me by my side her legs clasped to her chest, her nordic blues profoundly upset.
She is me yet I feel I must soothe her sadness. I know whom she is waiting for but I also know he shall not appear. I peer towards my left, the seat that must be filled with his warmth is empty adding to my pain.
I hallucinate the male I grew up with is sitting by me looking at me with affection as always. "Theia." He beckons me with that softness and that delicate smile of adoration he possessed for me. This is a punishment I do not deserve.
Leaning my head against the bark I peek at the pup awaiting with the hope he shall come to her. Tears that I had repressed with stubbornness is set free bearing my excruciation with it.
"He will not come. He has forsaken us. He does not like us anymore. The male we knew...has died." I weep blanketing my eyes with the heels of my palms. The weight of my heart, the burden it brings is too ponderous for me to endure.
Slumping to the ground sprawling beneath the tree I seek the solace of nature. My wolf whining within me, she does not understand my grief for his beast worships her. But for me, I am not wanted. I am unneeded, a liability he finds me as.
"Heartless male." I whimper nestling my back against the tree closing my eyes imploring that his face shall disappear as sleep takes me, that I shall not have any dreams of him tonight. I desire peace but I know being his mate, I will never be able to acquire it.
That night sleep did come, but it came to me with a nightmare. A nightmare where Phobos stabbed me with his own two hands.
Phobos and I stayed back for a few weeks in Deimos's pack, and for those weeks not once did I see him. How could I when we were both confined in our rooms hesitant to face the other? I did not know weeks had crossed for I kept to myself bathing in my depressive state of mind.
Yes, I am weak when it comes to him. I cannot confront him, I do not possess the confidence to speak with him afraid of how viciously he could hurt me and I cower beneath his wild gaze for this male is not the Phobos I grew up with. This male is foreign to me.
Drakho had informed of today's departure that we would leave before sunset. There was no need for me to pack for all my possessions are in Phobos's pack. I mustered the courage to leave my chamber for breakfast but I had not foreseen that I would be driven to sit right next to him.
He did not even blink when I did so, merely eating his meal with silence. It was as though I was invisible to him, insignificant. Yet I sat down by his right, placing food on my plate for I knew he would not do it for me as all Alphas do for their Lunas.