I am at my home. It's 1:00 am already but I am still up.
Though I am still having those nightmares but this isn't the reason for me to stay awake right now. I am making my video diary.
"It's been a month. I am already used to work as his (superior) secretary and as well as an intern. The fact that I didn't get scolded much by anyone neither my manager nor superior, I assume that I did well. Though in my heart i know what I've done."
(Now I am reimagining all the messed up, I created in this month)
"After running errands here and there.
I was so exhausted that I fall asleep while working on my desk.
and while arranging the files I even messed up all of them. I sent financial files in legal department and PR files in finance department. I can't forget how manager was holding back her anger on me.
I skipped meals everyday, and when I felt hungry I ate ramen in office.
I used to work late. Many times superior himself came to drop me off at home.
I was always running here and there in office but fortunately my colleagues are really nice. They helped me with my work and even superior went easy on me sometimes.
Though it was difficult it was exhausting but I was really enjoying it. it was really fun I'm already used to it and when I come to think of it I enjoyed everything.
I enjoyed running, I enjoyed eating ramen, I enjoyed messing up everything enjoyed working late night. But then,
I received a call from father. He got the university notice about our exams, he wants me to resign and go back to the my world.
He said once my exams is finished he will start to look for the perfect match for me.
I talked with Rachelle about this. She is also sad.
when I told her about the exams. she said
(flashback)
" jazzelle, what if we don't go. You already have a job here, you can apply in any college here. I don't want my degree. I am already learning fine arts. Please jazzelle let's not go"
Rachelle is extremely sad. She almost cried. It's not that we don't want to go to our family or hometown. We miss them very much.
Every time while eating we talk about our mumma's food, when we feel sick or we don't feel good we miss them. While watching TV we miss our brothers with whom we often fought over remote. We miss our friends there.
But despite that, we know once we go back, we no longer have a word to say. We won't even know what will happen afterwards.
deep in our heart we know that Our parents always wants us to be happy, healthy and prosperous. And Their every decision is to give us the best. But how to tell them that our true happiness is to make ourselves independent.
They want us to rely on someone, they want to protect us but we want to be strong so that we no longer need a guard. They are right but we are not wrong either.
I couldn't say much to her I only said,
" I know you are worried about your art career but you don't have to. Once you get your diploma you can go on with you dream what is there to be afraid of."
But then what she said, I was stuck after hearing it.
" I can't get the diploma, this course is for over one year."
The reason she doesn't want to go back, the reason she is trying to convince me to not go back is this. She didn't tell us that the course she is been applying for is not for six months but one year.
" jazzelle when you told me that you are going mumbai city, I wanted go with you as well. I searched everywhere but I couldn't find any course for six months. When I get to know you will only go there only for six months, I didn't have choice but to lie. I can't go backwards now. I thought one we go there we will find a way out. Please jazzelle, I ask this for you."
(flashback ends)
I don't understand what to say to her.
If I were her I would have done the same. I can't even get mad at her. And I can't let her give up on her dream after coming so far. But I can't let her stay here and deceive her parents either.
For now I've convinced her to go back with me. I've assured her that she won't have to give up on painting. Her dream of holding a art exhibition by herself, we will definitely make it. She will definitely be a skilled painter.
Tiny though I assured her but I myself don't know how will I make it. I promised her that I will solve her problem but I don't even know what will I do with my situation.
Once I go back, father will ask me to get engaged with some guy whom I wouldn't even have seen before. In just one meeting I'll have to make decision whether or not he is reliable for me.
But I have to do something. I wish some miracle would happen that can help me as Rachelle.
Now that I am going to marry, I wish that guy would be someone like.... .
Forget it. After a long time I am thinking about him. I wonder how is he doing.
(author's POV starts)
On the other side. A man is sitting in front of laptop.
" but you meet me everyday, what are you wondering about."
It's Ryan Alves. Jazzelle's superior. Jazzelle doesn't know that there is someone who watches her everyday there is someone watches her diary.