I am in the garden, sitting on the bench. After I went to the superior's office. I am feeling down. I don't know the reason but I feel sad.
" jazzelle! What are you doing here." Rachelle is here. She sat near me.
" nothing, just having some fresh air. Let's go." I put a fake smile on my face, and I stood up.
" sit" she pulled my hand. " what happened jazzelle. Now don't say nothing, you know you can't lie. Say it. Did your presentation go wrong."
I exhaled breath and said,
" actually it's nothing, my presentation was very good. Everyone praised me for it. Even my department head said that I did a great job."
" then what's the problem?" she put her hand on my shoulder.
" Rachelle, I don't know why but I am very sad, I went to the department head's office to thank him. But when I got there I saw him with a girl, they were embracing each other." Then I said, " it's not a big deal, but I can't stand it."
Rachelle smiled and she hold my face with her hand and turned my head and said, " oh my dear jazzelle! You are so innocent, you are sad because you are jealous."
I looked at her and blinked my eyes for three times and said, " jealous!!"
" Yeah!!!!! You are in love jazzelle, you are in love." Rachelle looks very excited.
I stood up and said, " what?? Love!!!! Me!!!! It's not possible. How can fall for someone."
Rachelle also stood up and said, " why can't you jazzelle? You never know. You were attracted by him at first, right?"
I walked two steps ahead and said, " yeah, just because of his looks and physic. Nothing else."
Rachelle came to me and said, " but jazzelle…."
I didn't let her complete her sentence and said,
" enough! Don't think about such irrelevant things. Let me focus on my career and you also focus on your art classes."
And I walked very fast and left her behind. She followed me and kept shouting my name.
We are at home, we already had dinner. All the time Rachelle was trying to convince me. But I didn't pay attention to her. She is sleeping now. I pretended that I've fallen asleep already, or else she must have saying that same things again and again. But I'm not asleep at all.
Is she right? Am I really in love. Did I really fell for him. there are many questions in my mind but I have only one answer. I am no one to decide it. I should kept all those conditions in my mind. I must not forget that.
I fall asleep.
I wake up on time. Need to prepare the Breakfast.
" Rachelle, come on. Breakfast is ready. Speed up darling, or you will be late." I am calling Rachelle.
She came and hugged from behind and said,
" good morning dear, have you….."
I didn't let her complete and I said,
" I don't want to hear those stuff again. Forget about it. Understand?"
she sat on the chair and said, "yes ma'am. Understood."
We had the breakfast, and Rachelle has gone to her classes and I am on way to office.
I am very calm and as usual as I was. I greeted everyone and sat on my desk. I am doing my work now.
I didn't see him today. And actually I don't want to.
I stood up. And I am going to pass some documents to the PR department. And I keep talking to myself
" How can I fall for him. It was an attraction. He has a handsome face and a fit body, any girl will get attracted, The more I will see him the more he will effect me, so it's good if I keep my distance from him. " I was talking to myself and, I wasn't looking ahead, I bumped into someone. The papers are in the air, I am going to fell down, I closed my eyes.....
Someone has hold me, I slowly opened my eyes
It's superior. I am in his arms. It feels like the papers are the flowers and the office has turned into a fairyland.
We keep staring to each other. We are somewhat lost in each other's eyes. I am not sure about him but I am lost in him.
" Hello, how long are you going to be like this? Hey!!"
I came into my conscious. I stand up and started fixing my hair and clothes. The papers were scattered on the ground. I started to collect them.
" Such a clumsy girl, you don't look around when you walk. Or do you like to bump into me again and again." He said it in a sarcastic but a cold way.
I stood up and said, " don't you have manners? Shouldn't you help me?" Then I whispered
" I don't understand how your girlfriend does manage with you?"
After saying that I again started to collect the papers he was looking at me,
he hold my arms stood me up he took the papers from my hand and threw them in air And then pushed me over to the wall. He put his left hand on the wall. He is very close to me.
He is slowly coming closer to me. We are constantly looking at each other. After all, what does he want to do when he comes so close? He and I was looking into each other's eyes my heartbeat and breathing is very fast.
so fast that I am able to hear my heartbeat. Before this I have never felt something like this, he kept looking into my eyes and I kept looking into his. I don't understand what's happening.
He is very close to me, my heartbeat is running very fast. He is stopped and he said,
" what happened miss jazzelle? Hope you understand what nervousness means. Your heartbeat is so fast even I can hear it. This is called nervousness. You've always wanted to experience it once."
He said it and collect the papers. He put the papers on my hand and walked through me.
And I am standing here like a fool.
I adjusted my breath.
But that scene when he was so closed to me, is keep projecting in my mind.
I am back on desk. I put the papers and sat down on the chair. I closed my eyes.
" why did he came so close to me? Why was I nervous? And most importantly, how does he know that I've never felt nervousness before and I want to experience it. As far as I know, I've never said this to him. But I said this, I don't remember when and where? But I am sure I didn't say this before him." I am saying all this in my mind.
" JAZZELLE,!!!" someone shouted my name, oh no it's manager.
I stood up and I am trembling badly, " yes ma'am"
She looks mad right now, I am gonna be badly scolded by her.
" Jazzelle! You are sleeping in the office. Are you doing this much work. Are you so tired that you fall asleep. If I am not wrong you didn't even hand over those documents to PR. You haven't done a small work and you dared to sleep."
" ma'am I wasn't sleeping. I was thinking….." she didn't even let me complete. And started to scold me again,
" thinking, what thinking what the hell were you thinking. You are caught red handed by me now I am gonna…" I didn't let her complete, I bowed down and said...
" sorry, I am sorry. I will make sure I don't make such mistake again. I'll hand over this document to the PR right now." After saying that I ran away from there.