I didn't catch sight of Nikolas after that. Everyone must have thought that we'd already been escorted to the house that the queen had given us. As for me, I wouldn't care if they couldn't find us there first thing in the morning. My mother and the other three members of the Quartet were nowhere to be seen as well.
So I snuck up to the second floor, went to my room, changed my clothes and took off the wig. I replaced the destroyed wedding gown with proper pajamas as I prepared to go to sleep. But I couldn't. I kept tossing and turning, feeling the entire space around me suddenly too large, too suffocating.
I'd trade this extravagant room for the narrow one back at the dorms. I found myself missing Karina and Zarina's teasing remarks, the horrible food during meals and the beatings I took from instructors during practice matches.
This wasn't the life for me. I never imagined it to be this way.
I hefted myself in a sitting position, every bit of me wide awake. Who was I kidding? I should just give up on sleeping.
The moon shone outside my window, and I had a sense that it was laughing at me. Mocking me for the stupidity I'd done tonight. Right, I wasn't too dense not to realize and own up my foolishness. It was my fault that we got caught. If only I didn't bring Niko to the gardens. Technically, it was his own fault, too.
I groaned, my head hurting. I stood up and headed for the door.
I wasn't sure where I was going until I twisted the knob, the cold of the metal biting my fingers as clarity filled my mind.
Across me was Erilyn's bedroom. I had subconsciously tried to look for her all along.
I stepped inside and turned on the lamp, closing the door behind me. It was in the exact same state as the last time I saw it. In every inch and corner, traces of her lingered. The soft blue walls, the pianoforte by the window that overlooked the yard, the tea set on her round table, the canopy on her bed that was the same baby blue—her favorite color. And lastly, the massive bookshelf occupying an entire wall to my left.
I touched the spines of the books as I went and not a speck of dust was on them. They must have constantly cleaned her room.
When I got to her desk, there were also piles of books on it. But beside them was a portrait of us. We were both smiling, both of us wearing the family colors.
She was a Fire-Wielder just like me and Mother. But I always had a hunch that she didn't appreciate her powers when they intensified back then. She always wanted to be a Water-Wielder like our father.
Years ago, I had asked her why.
"So that I could heal your injuries every time you get hurt, dummy!" she had said.
I took my eyes off the portrait, my heart constricting at the memories of her.
I sat on her bed, my palms on the soft sheets. I'd thought that if I closed my eyes and concentrated hard, I would eventually feel her presence beside me.
It was useless.
Erilyn's bookshelf towered before me. She enjoyed stories of true love and happy-ever-afters, no matter how much I called them "mere fairytales". Maybe that was the reason she ran away. She didn't want to be tied down to someone she didn't even know. This was because for ten whole years, August was not in the freaking country. And August had only returned home this month.
I let out a breath. If they wanted for those two to marry, they could have at least let them meet prior to the marriage. I'd never understand what went on in adults' minds.
I shook my head. No, it wasn't even that. Erilyn shouldn't have been forced to agree to this in the first place. She should have had her own choice. Her own freedom to love someone.
I was too caught up in my goals of being a Templar that I didn't stop and consider what it might feel like to be in her place. When she graduated from the academy, I didn't ask her what she wanted to do. If she had any dreams and places she wanted to go before getting married. By then, I thought she'd completely accepted her fate.
The hinges of the door creaked as it opened, light crawling in from the main hallway. My father entered and I got up, wiping the tears from my cheeks. Ah, I didn't even notice that I was crying.
Holding my breath didn't work, the tears kept rolling down nonstop. I was a mess.
My father's face softened as he walked toward me. Without wasting a second, he wrapped me in his arms, letting my head rest on his chest.
It didn't matter anymore. I let out the sob I'd been suppressing and wailed with the pain in my heart.
Father swept his hand on my hair, gentle as a breeze. "Now there, my love. It's all right, I'm here. Cry all you want. I'll be here, I promise."
"I… I miss her, Father." My voice broke. "I miss her so much."
"I know, Lily." He said softly, "I miss her very much too."
"It's my fault," I sniffled. "I was too selfish. I was never there for her. She needed help and I was never there."
Hearing that, he hugged me tighter. "Don't blame yourself. This isn't yours to carry, my daughter. Our choices drove her away. I should have done better as a parent to both of you."
"Father…"
"My sweet, Lily. We'll find your sister. You will see her again. I promise you that."
My heart seemed to shatter, my wrist throbbing hard. I cried and cried in the safety of my father's embrace. In the end, our quiet tears filled the emptiness of Erilyn's room. Our sorrows that were contained and pushed aside were finally set loose after months of pretending to be strong.
I had never felt so vulnerable. But my chest felt lighter.