"You can go back to sleeping now, miss." Cosie had half turned to me, the light from the hallway outlining her frame in gold. "Forgive me for keeping you for too long."
I waved at her. "It is fine, no need to apologize."
She bowed before closing the door, and the room was awash with shadows once again.
I didn't feel like sleeping. And there was a surge of energy in me, possibly due to the food or Father's potion. Or both.
I was buzzing with life, restless. Was it because I was all too aware of having Niko's company in my room? Perhaps that was it.
My feet moved on their own. They led me to the couch Niko was seated on, stopping mere inches from him. His silver lashes were crescent moons upon his cheeks, the side of his head resting on a knuckle. My breath was taken from my lungs as I continued to stare at him, and I felt really weird doing this—acting like a complete freak.
But a moment as rare as this was hard to come by, being able to look at him without pretending I hated him.
All those years convincing myself I loathed him, I had actually learned to do so. Negative feelings were easy to cultivate, and they stayed like a stubborn stain. But was this stain real? Or could this probably be another product of me fooling myself? An illusion to cope with the pain and suffering.
Whatever this was, what happened five years ago was undeniably true. Something created a rift, and the crack widened, separating us forever. We would never go back to those times.
Ivan and Mel, they were ghosts to me now. They were students at the academy as well, and they haunted me like reoccurring nightmares, except that they existed in the plane of reality.
Niko stirred, and I ceased breathing, my hands flying to my chest. He groaned, his delicate face contorting into a distressed and anguished expression. As though caught in a bad dream. It was funny how easily someone changed dreams. I should wake him.
But then he jolted awake, hands flaying to grab the arms of the couch. It made me jump, and I had to clamp my mouth shut to stifle a squeal.
From a wide-eyed daze, his focus went to me. And a variety of emotions registered on his features—confusion, realization and . . . sadness.
I stood there, dumbstruck and gaping. His eyes were clouded, as though he remained in the lull of sleep. They were the color of a murky blue lake. It hit me then, that Niko was half awake. And he must have thought that this image of me was part of his dream—or it could have been a nightmare.
Niko raised his arms, and he caught my wrists. I was too busy resisting the electric currents that trailed my skin, brought forth by his touch, that I failed to brace myself for what he was about to do next.
He pulled me to him, and I had to bend my knee against the coach, on a spot right beside his leg, so that I wouldn't fall directly into his lap. My palms were laid flat on his sides, and it appeared like I had locked him in. His fingers secured my wrists, wrapping them tightly and almost intimately.
"Nikolas, what are you doing?" I hissed.
My pulse was a drumbeat against my chest, and I feared that he could hear them.
Niko cocked his head back and peered at me with utter adoration, in contrast to the teasing looks he'd throw at me every time we passed each other in the academy halls.
"Lily," he murmured, as if he was letting me on a secret. His lips tugged upward in a sweet but sorrowful smile. "I've always wanted to touch you like this."
Blood rushed to my ears, heat crawling from my neck up to my ears. My throat constricted, dry. My mind ran in different directions, frantic and nearly going crazy. I was a mess, a bomb about to explode.
"Nikolas Kore," I inhaled, composing myself. "You better snap out of it."
He didn't hear anything. Instead, he broke into a wide grin. "I dreamed of you."
I raised a brow at this. "You did?"
He nodded. "Mmm." One hand released my wrist, and it lifted upward to touch my hair. I bristled, but I made no move as his fingertip grazed my cheek, tracing slow circles on it gently as though it was fragile glass. Then he pushed a stray strand of hair behind my ear. He gazed at me with such longing and affection and misery that behind those crystal blue pools I could see that he was breaking inside. Why?
It was a struggle not to give in and lean into his touch.
"In this dream, Lily, you were mine." Even his voice was filled with agony. "In this dream, I didn't break your heart."
And the last things he said broke my trance. I was pulled back to reality, just like that.
My jaw tightened, and I yanked myself off the couch. This sudden action caused Niko to snap into attention, and the mist clouding his eyes faded.
I burned with shame. I couldn't look at him. Tears threatened to spill as a new cut surfaced on my heart, fresh and raw.
"Lily," Niko launched to his feet. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean it—"
"I know," I subconsciously hugged myself. "You never do."
By the fates, what was happening to me? How could I have laid myself so bare and vulnerable?
I needed a moment to reflect, this must not go on. Had I not learned my lesson? Would I really allow Nikolas to break my heart over and over again?
"Lily, please," he begged, and he had the gall to sound like he was being ripped apart. "Look at me."
I pointed at the door without facing him. "Leave."
"But—"
"Didn't you hear me?" I seethed. "I told you to leave."
There was a seemingly eternal period of silence before I heard the thuds of receding footsteps, the twisting of a knob, the squeak of the door's hinges, and the resolute shutting of the door.
Along with Nikolas' departure, the twin ice orbs glimmered out of sight.