'W-A-K-E U-U-P-P !!!!!'
Rosie opened her eyes again in confusion, just like every other morning. Listening to her ma, she slowly became conscious. She cursed,'...Aaah, it happened again!' Her mother's voice sounded vivid, like it was coming from far away.
'What's wrong with you these days!!' she was yelling non stop as she got ready for her work in a hurry. 'Have you gotten lazy now - right when the exams are knocking at the door!! NOW is the time when you should be working hard..... and here you are - waking up this late. Do you want to miss your class , HUHH??'
There was a sound of door shutting and then the yelling also stopped. Rosie rolled her eyes and then got up. It was like that every day. Usually she got up early and left quickly - all so that she did not have to listen to that kind of nonsense. Her parents meant well but they could not express themselves wisely and mostly, all of their advises backfired them. In work, they were clever and respected, everyone generally listened to them - unlike their daughter who said two words to them the entire day and never smiled.
But all those things were not actually bothering Rosie. Fourteen days ago, she had the first nightmare. She thought that it might go away after a few days of relaxing and having fun. But in those fourteen days, there wasn't even a single day that she didn't have those nightmares. Even after trying so hard, she now had faint dark circles under her eyes and looked a little tired.
Every single day, she would wake up sweating, not recognizing who she actually was. She hated being in dreams where she could not control her actions. After waking up she would feel relieved and be grateful that this kind of life that she was living...it was not bad at all. In fact, it was very peaceful.
When Rosie reached the classroom, it was really late. The bell was just about to ring.
'Rosie, Rosie...do you need coffee? I bought you a cup.....'
Rosie looked up from where she sat, the usual spot- next to her best friend Ricky and some of her other classmates.
Uuuuh, it was the coffee girl again. Round face and black curly hair which was styled neatly. Pretty face...but too bad that she did not have her own backbone. Always sticking to those who had higher status than her and always avoiding the lower.....she really was laughable!
'Thank you....' Wait. What was her name again? Rosie wondered for half a second and then realized that she never knew her name- never actually cared to remember. She was always just the coffee girl to her. Now she just laughed at the coffee girl in her mind for avoiding the weak. Was there any difference between her and that coffee girl? No, there wasn't. In fact, she was just like her. She blamed the weak for not being strong. She never pitied them. They did not even exist in front of her eyes. So what right did she have to criticize her?
'You're welcome Rosie! I heard your father has a big chance of winning the election! Best of luck!'
It's my father's election, not mine- Rosie thought. But then she put on a smile and thanked her again. Her friends were all smirking. They knew how that coffee girl and other people hanged around for a chance of recognition- not knowing that the girl they thought was perfect - was only perfect on the outside.
'Rose, really- is something really wrong?' Tony said once the coffee girl ran away. 'I mean....these days, you look really tired.' There was a hint of worry in that voice.
'No, nothing's wrong. I'll be fine once I drink the coffee.'
'At least coffee girl has some use,' Urbie said, laughing,' Actually, I still think that it's quit annoying having her around like that. Look how she's after your dad... and we all know that you don't like your dad! Maybe we should tell her to mind her own business, then it will work....'
'Don't you think you're being too harsh? She was just helping out...'
'Since when do you think about being nice? You really ARE too stressed out from something, aren't you? Otherwise, why would you...'
'She has her use, Bee,' Rosie said in stern tone that shut Urbie up. Then she thought that maybe she HAD some importance...or Rose would not actually speak out for some lousy two faced fox...
Anyone who was well-acquainted with Rosie knew just how cold blooded she could be most of the time. There were only her and her belongings around her...nothing else. She did not care about anything. It would not be a surprise if she didn't recognize half of these students in that class.
Actually, even Rosie did not know why she was acting like she cared today. Was it because she saw those dreams- where she became a boy who was so violent to the core that actually made her realize kindness?
Nonsense.
No, she still was in illusion. She still had some effects of being that boy. She was acting like that because the boy was kind. That sounds ridiculous but it was also true.
In the dream, she (he) flew on desires - but would not actually fulfill them. Not what she really desired to do. She was selfish inside but would do anything for others. She had no plan, no structure, no goal.....only a life full of broken ambitions and dreams. Just for others. Just sad....struggling to control the overflowing rage and disappointments every second, denying....
And now what Rosie was feeling quite the same. She really was in trouble if it kept going on like that. She was becoming a total different person...a weak person.
No, it could not go on like that.
But that was true- maybe because that was a dream--she saw a world that was devastatingly beautiful. Everything flew on colors. Everything went on wishes.
It was a dream after all.
A dream that could not be real.
Everyday she persuaded herself, saying she was sick of those nightmares, these hallucinations were ruining her.. but it was not true at all. She was addicted to these nightmares. It made her feel alive. The sky, strange roads and trees, pools with colorful fishes -flying and talking...being a boy while screaming and fighting...
It made her feel alive. And she was addicted to feeling those hormonal ups and downs again and again- just to wake up sweating and feeling tired to the bones ...feeling grateful for a peaceful life. That is why she went to bed in a daze. That was crazy. That was fun. Her exam was nearing but she was not that enthusiastic anymore. She felt lost.....
It was Physical Education class and every student in her class was present in the field - preparing for sports. The teacher, sir J J , was really young and fit for this PE teacher position- only 26. He was even more handsome than the boys around.....That was because he was more masculine and mature - and all those boys had that immature air around them. He had really charming green eyes and black long hair suited for a musician. The girls were giggling and among the boys, some were scowling and the others were thinking how to become more attractive like him. Rosie ran towards the field with her friend Urbie from the girls' changing room. They were wearing the school's sports uniforms.
They were the last to come. After they came back, the physical class started. They were doing warm- ups when sir J J came to see how they were doing. 'Hey, you OK, Rosie?' he asked in a low voice, but unfortunately some heard them. Then whisperings came out out of nowhere within a second.....
'Hey, have you heard the rumor about PE teacher dating Rosie?'
'Yeah....it was all over the school last summer....'
Rosie looked up to see that sir J J was handing the jumping rope out towards her in a gentle manner.