๐๐๐๐ผ๐ฟ๐ถ๐ฎ ๐๐ฟ๐ฒ๐ฒ๐ป๐ต๐ผ๐ฟ๐ป
I look at the peacefully sleeping Himura.
'How the hell can you sleep so peacefully?' I eventually look at his missing left arm.
What was left of it was just everything above the elbow. I bit my lips in anger and disappointment.
The memories of my poor village that I couldn't protect came back to my mind.
It was all the same except for one thing, Himura, was there burning with them as I watch their cries from a distance, powerless.
I did everything I could to protect everyone, even going to the frontline, and yet, I still couldn't protect him.
This party's rearguard and the most cowardly out of all of us. This is the second time that this happened to us and it ended with him getting hurt again while I watched him from a distance. My heart aches to see him hurt because of that day.
I was careless, all I thought was that he was someone who prefer not to get hurt and thus always chooses to be at the back.
Himura was always silent and collected so naturally I never thought of him as someone who would ever take the front.
And because of how I saw him, I thought, I didn't have to protect this person, and yet when we truly needed it, he always came through no matter how forced or hesitant it was. My tears start to well up but I manage to stop them and instead I look down.
'This is all my fault, This is all my fault, This is all my fault, This is all my fault, This is all my fault, This is all my fault, This is all my fault,' I repeated these lines in my head as I remember every little thing that led up to here.
Everything I could've done and everything I shouldn't have done. I then hold Himura's right hand tightly.
'It's already been 2 days, please come back already so that I can apologize to you.' Tears start to well up again but I forcefully wiped them off.
'I must remain strong because if I don't, how will I protect everyone important to me?'
I put his hand back on the bed and patiently waited for him to wake up.
*****
๐๐น๐ถ๐ฐ๐ฒ ๐๐ฎ๐ฟ๐ธ๐ฟ๐ถ๐ป
I was heading to a certain library where professor Likru was to ask him for help. When I look around, there was no celebration of any kind.
That is natural since more than 50% of Kliyer's soldiers were killed in battle and about 75% of adventurers that sighed up for this quest were also killed. Most of Kliyer's soldiers had families in this city which is why the streets were bleak and quiet yet they try to stay strong.
'No wonder people say that this was the strongest city on this continent'
I enter the large and silent library and made a b-line to the second floor. There was no maniacal laughing in the distance and there were actual people here other than Likru.
They occupy most of the empty rooms and most of them were swiping the air with their fingers or just looking at the air.
Some of them were writing things on paper.
The character board was a blessing from the god of entertainment, Megu. It appeared while we were fighting the abyss. I opened the character board with my mind and my stats appeared.
But I couldn't care less. I was here for Likru and immediately headed to a room where I met him for the first time. I see him talking to a woman who moved strangely.
"Hahaha, I guess they do that" Likru laughs as the woman speaks again but was cut herself off as she saw me.
"Honey there is. A visitor for. You." The woman said.
"?!" Likru drops his smiling face and looks at me normally. "Ah, it's you again, have you come to a decision?"
I was caught off guard, this woman who was clearly an artificial called him by something intimate.
'Then he was...' I stop myself from delving into this topic and spoke after a short pause.
"No, I'm here for a favor."
"Oh? And what would that be?" He asked.
I breathe out. "An arm"
After I said that, Likru seemed to have realized something.
"For that boy, yes?"
He asked and in response, I nod my head.
He sighs deeply.
"Sorry."
When I hear that, I felt the world crack around me.
Keeping my cool, I ask him a question with a wavering voice.
"W-why....?"
"Because I don't know how to...." He said shamefully and full of regret.
'Why?! You manage to create the artificials'
I screamed in my head but he continues to speak.
"A long time ago, before I became a professor three young scientists were doing a certain project"
"The artificial"
"Yes, I was in charge of making them alive, Dinu was in charge of the body, and my wife, Dina, and Dinu were in charge of making the cores"
As he said that, he looks at the artificial woman.
"But disaster struck and both of them were killed"
"The abyss?"
"Yes, Dinu was the first one to be killed and next was my wife. At first, I thought Dinu was the one who was good as dead so I chose to save Dina instead"
He breathes out.
"When we were running he used his last bit of mana to curse me. I didn't about what he said because my attention was focused on Dina"
"Suddenly the abyss comes out from her body and she screams in pain. The abyss caught up quickly so I had to run like a coward"
"And the pain of losing her led to me creating the artificials though incomplete. That is why I cannot help you"
I look down and bit my tongue. I didn't have the energy to be angry so I turned around.
"Wait, do you still need the artificials?"
'My parents...." I imagine it once again but this time with Himura as the one who will be the artificial.
He was secretive and silent and I have no idea who he truly is so I won't be able to create the perfect replica of him.
I was a fool for even thinking about this for such a long time.
I turn around and said it flatly.
"No"
"I see, then please give him my thanks, from saving me in that sewer to solving a problem I couldn't even do myself"
'Sewer?'
I ask in my mind but I didn't dwell on it. I turn around and left.
I bit my tongue again and this time, blood started to come up. I almost lost someone important from the abyss and it's all because of me.
I look at the sky.
'Can I revive them?'
I ask myself that question but I had no answer.
Himura. The one who welcomed me to his party and the one who gave me a new path to follow in resurrecting my parents, a man who I practically killed.
I sighed to myself and kept my cool as I head back to the inn.
*****
๐๐ถ๐บ๐๐ฟ๐ฎ ๐ฆ๐ฎ๐ล
I open my heavy eyelid and saw darkness.
"A dream?" I closed my eyes and thought of something in my mind.
When I opened it again, I saw a lush forest of cherry blossoms with one of them having a comfortable-looking hammock.
I look next to me to see a beautiful small lake while a cool breeze passes through me.
"A dream then"
I concluded since I was a lucid dreamer. I became one after realizing that there was no hope of me ever being in this place unless it was a dream.
I walk to the hammock and get myself comfortable.
"If I'm dreaming, that must mean I'm still alive"
I smile lightly at my realization before closing my eyes again.
I open it and saw myself without a left arm. I wasn't sad or anything since I knew this was my own decision and the only rational one according to the skill, Undying Focus.
I look at the other me who decided to lay on the grass.
"What do we do now?"
He asked.
"I don't know, all I realize in this world is that I don't want to die"
I casually responded. The reason I summoned another was not that I have any mental illness but because I found it easier to monologue and also to keep my sanity intact after years of living alone.
"That's it? Aren't you ignoring one detail?"
"Tell me then, oh inner workings of my mind"
I responded sarcastically.
"This a new world, a world where no one knows you and a world where you can start everything over"
"Ah..."
I look back at my adventures with my party.
"Himura Satล"
He calls out to me before standing up.
"This is a chance for us to change, we shouldn't spend our time here while still being the old us"
"..."
I stay silent.
That's right, this was a new slate for me and I wasted a couple of months here wanting to die.
But finally realizing that this was a new world where no one knows me, I start to smile.
"It won't be easy but let's try to change bit by bit" I responded.
"Finally, the word that I have been wanting to say" He also smiles back.
"Then for our first action on changing ourselves is learning to care for them" I was reminded of my party, Astoria, Freya, and Alice.
I felt happy being with them though, I didn't realize it until now.
When I made that promise to them, It was because of such feelings, and I was willing to die for them.
I have no idea what kind of feeling that was so I didn't dwell on it.
I simply nod back.
"Good" Everything starts to get blurry and before everything disappears the other me.
"You don't need them to survive in this world but we care for them and they care for us"
That was the last thing I heard before I opened my heavy eyelids once again.