The couch was green and the desk navy, mirror and torches black, so was the hearth and the bed, the blankets grey. The carpets and paintings, and even the wardrobe was in those colors. To resonate the soul of the queen of nostalgia.
Josephine was 53, and not yet the beauty and grace was willing to go from that hard smiling face. The light skin had barely some noble wrinkles, in the fashion of melancholy expressed in that perfection. Her eyes were black, her hair dark blonde, the body fit and thin. She was not the ruler of the Werewolf's Kingdom, but just the consort of her husband. All she wanted and lacked was peace, serenity, love and compassion. She was near a candle sitting on her couch, to calm her nerves she was drinking lavender tea, smoking a cigarette. It reminded her of her parents's home.
- Come on in!, - she responded as she heard a knock at the door.
Her husband came in, on his face she could at once see guilt, but she knew it very well, she had seen it plenty of times. She gazed at him, as he came to sit near her, she knew he could read her pain, it was the least he could have learned through the years.
- Josie!..., - he finally opened his mouth, - I'm sorry!
- I know you are! You always are! But your sorrow never changed anything for neither of us., - she meant what she said.
- I'm aware I shouldn't have...
- You should never!, - she interrupted him moving her eyes from her tea to give him a look, - Yet you always do it.
- I just lost my patience, my dear., - in hearing his lovely tone she felt even more frustrated. He respected her, wanted her and cared for her, yet he always managed to ruin it all, - How can I stand someone defending those vampire monsters.
- Stop justifying yourself! Like every time I came with a hope at that dinner. I thought it will be a family gathering, for all of us to get close to each other, share things and have fun. Get up happy after that., - and she stood up like a shadow raising over her king. Looking down at him she knew he would understand her, but he wouldn't feel her words like she did, - But like all of our family gatherings Daniel had to ruin it. You speak to us of your love for violence and instead of an enjoyable smile on our faces, you end it with telling our son that you should strangle him and replace him., - Her head was close to his as her slow hurt voice shut. Her eyes were telling him he was guilty and she knew he could feel at least that.
Than she pulled back and walked with slow steps from the couch to her desk with her black long dress crawling. She lowered her head all in thoughtfulness, cursing inside her, asking why was she meant to feel empty. Her husband soon came behind her and put one hand on her shoulder, getting his lips close to her ear to whisper:
- Oh my sweet and deep wife, forgive this mess of your husband!
- Leave Daniel!, - she said wondering if she really wanted to say those words. She wanted to let him be there, touch her and comfort her, but her self-respect wouldn't let her tell him to stay. More pain she thought, but her mouth just opened to say, - Leave me alone in my misery.
The king gave her a kiss behind the ear and walked out of the room, 'cause when she said the words she wouldn't take them back. Josephine closed the door and came to sit a chair near the desk. She took a notebook there and opened it, it was her diary, mixed the feather in the ink and started writing:
"Dear diary!
For how long will I get disappointed yet, for how long will my heart ache yet? I hoped this place could be my home, I hoped the family I would create would make it feel like such. Yet today, like many days I find myself longing for the house that was my real hime, that beautiful green garden on the south of the kingdom, where the sun shone brighter and the wind blew warmer, the small lake with the water that felt hot on mu skin. The sense of belonging I felt there among my people and the animals we held. I miss the bark of my dog and the whining of the swans, the run of the deers, the violence didn't exist there. I miss the authentic and happy smile on my face, the one I haven't seen in a while. I miss my parents and my sister. They were the people who actually felt me, because I knew them, since I was little, and I've learned that no connection feels like the ones you create during the time of your innocence. I just wish I could go back to that life, to the happiness I had in those gardens with the people my soul is connected with. I love my sons and my husband, but none of them can make me feel safe like my old family did, none of them can make my bitter loneliness end."
The door knocked again, but this time it just opened before Josie could consent.
- Can I come in?, - Mary asked.
- Since you're already in of course., - the queen smiled closing the notebook.
- I wanted to chek if you're okay?
- I appreciate it! Thank you!
Josie was always trying to be polite, but she knew a hypocrite when she saw one. But yet she knew her daughter in law wasn't as bad a person, she just didn't have the will to care of a child fallen in darkness.
- May we talk?, - the queen heard Mary say with the pretty smile that went to her nerves.
She left her thoughts and got up answering:
- Of course my dear!, - she decided to try. At the end of the day she was part of her family too, and the queen knew what it meant not to feel part of the same, - Please come by my side., - she took her hand putting a smile on her melancholic face and they both sat on the bed.
- Is it so hard to pay less attention Josie?, - and what Josephine thought hearing her sentence if it could be that easy not to, - Won't it hurt less?
Instead the queen decided to be clement and treat her like an innocent being, maybe she would teach her to be more like that:
- 28 years ago I had to make a choice, to marry Daniel and become a princess or stay home. My parents didn't want this marriage, they knew what the prince was like and so did I. I'd met him before.
- And still you decided to marry him?
- I was Josephine Jasperer, my family was one of the most noble in the kingdom and I knew change was part of life. I saw the good in my future husband and I thought I could bring it out, I would create a new home with him and our children.
- And what did go wrong?
- I couldn't let go of the past. Just like you.
- What do you mean?, - she gave her a certain look.
- Weather the memories are good or bad they stay like bullets in our hearts!, - Josie went on with the voice as gentle as possible, - There is always a reason why we can't let go. For me was the fact I couldn't make things right, we lost our first child and then the death of his brother and father transformed Daniel. There were other problems before, but it was different after, he would go to war and destroy everything, of it wasn't for my mother in law, queen Lorraine. He never forgave her for that.
A moment of silence occured in the room after and the queen didn't hesitate to ask:
- And what is your reason for living in the past?
- I don't live in the past your grace, I love my husband!, - Mary answered.
- I can see you love him, but why do I still see darkness in your eyes?, - she wanted to show her everything was visible for the ones that were not blind.
- Maybe there is still hope for our family Josie., - she just said the past could be forgotten. There was no need to say anything further.
- My dear child, for all those years despite my love for all of you, the nostalgia is still there. My sons came yesterday and we stayed in almost silence. Sometimes I ask myself if it was my fault I couldn't bring my family to light., - their conversation ended and they both went out of the room, in separate directions.