Festive lights and pure white snow decorated the capital. Finally, it was the end of a long and turbulent year. How things had changed!
Overall, I was fairly satisfied with the situation, which was far from what it was in the novel. In fact, in the novel, Catherine was quite happy by now, having quickly adapted to life in society and made many friends, obliviously with the male leads wrapped around her fingers. I had mostly prevented that, and made her as miserable as possible. As soon as the Holy Days were over, I could go the rest of the way and remove her completely. The idea would do well to entertain my imagination during the three days of tedious praying.
"Nathaniel, there you are."
We'd practically spent the whole week in the temple preparing. I did not see my dependant much, and I suspected that he did his best to avoid me. Alas, the temple was almost as mine as the Avington estate was, and he could not escape me when I wanted him, which I did after finishing most of the other business.
Nathaniel sighed and closed the book he'd been copying. We were in a small and little-known library, one of the many scattered throughout the grand temple, filled with the only surviving copies of ancient scripture. It was the work of generations of priests to copy and translate them, so they might be accessible to the public, and it still had a long way to go. They were important because if you could spin God's commands to fit your own wishes, which you could do for almost anything not too unreasonable, given how much there was, the public would be much more accepting of your wishes.
Of course, knowing Nathaniel, he probably did it for some more noble purpose, like enlightening society and such. While that was somewhat valuable, I would much prefer it if he could have his priorities straight.
"Good evening, Your Holiness. Is everything acceptable? I finished all the work the senior priestess assigned me, and she said I could, when I asked if I may come in here. These hymns are beautifully suited for Repentance Day."
The first of the Holy Days were indeed tomorrow, but repentance was the last thing on my mind. Perhaps I could try it after I became queen, but if I grew a conscience I may very well be crushed by it, so I'd rather not.
"How wonderful. By chance, have you returned to your room since this noon? From your calm countenance, I gather that you have not, for the honour of the occasion would be impossible to contain. See, if you had, you would've found a summon to the presences of the High Priests on the day after New Day. Having heard of my arrangements and the recent passing of High Priest Wycliffe, you would have likely reached the correct conjecture that you are to be formally offered a position of High Priest."
In the dim candlelight, his face was half shrouded in shadows, and a rush of emotions flowed through the parts that I could see. The wind roared outside, and snow fell in flurries. He did not speak for a long time, and his voice was tired and raw when he did.
"Thank you for informing me, Your Holiness. Please allow me to consider it prudently."
"Certainly. I am also willing to write a reference for your former maid, if you are still concerned, should you make the proper decision."
"Layla died four months ago," he said quietly. "Because no place would hire her, and her debtors caught up. Her children starved to death in the streets soon after."
"Whose fault is that, I wonder? Remember, Nathaniel, that nothing good comes out of going against the will of God."
With that, I left him.
The snow had stopped by the morning of Repentance Day, but the sky was dreary and gray, as if God, too, was mourning for the sins of his followers. Torches and candles lit up the grand temple, the masses were dressed in the usual black, and the organs sounded particularly melancholic. A grave air of penance and devotion hung over the large chamber as it was filled with soulful echoes from the choir.
Having performed the ritual so many times, it had ceased to awaken even a pang of guilt within me, though I still appreciated the serene magnificence of the solemnity, and performed my duty faithfully. My prayers were chanted with spectacular passion, though my mind wandered while I did so, and I observed those in attendance. Catherine and her father sat in the back, and she wore a black hat with a veil that covered her ruined face. The baron had suffered scars as well, but his physique, not weakened like Catherine's, had made the damage much smaller.
Lady Bryant and Briana, recently returned from abroad, sat on the other side of the hall. The baroness had sworn to her husband that she would not go home until Catherine was driven out of the family, and the two had been living in the house her father left her. Her eyes were shut in sincere, bitter appeals. My family and the royal family were in the front, as usual, with the appropriate amount of devotion in their expressions. Damian occasionally met my eyes with idolization befitting to the saint, but with a trace of uneasiness from being in the temple, where his powers were subdued.
The confessions began. There was none of particular interest, until Catherine arrived in front of me. I concealed my smirk behind a mask of perfect piety.
"Lift your veil, child. There is nothing to hide before God."
Hesitatingly, she obeyed, revealing her marred skin, which gave me a deep satisfaction, along with the misery in her countenance. Hideous, lost, broken child, with nothing left but blind faith for divine intervention that will never come. Everything she could've had, stolen before she'd even known them! Recounting what the original Valentina had suffered, I'd never wanted to laugh so much, especially as I saw her red, puffy eyes, and the tear stains on her cheeks.
"Why have you been crying?"
"Because the prayers were so beautiful, Your Holiness. I feel that I have been reborn, or have the chance to be. I've sinned this year, and I deserve all the punishments I've received. I repent for everything I've done wrong, knowingly and unknowingly. But the guilt is still too much, because I'm worried my existence itself is a sin, since it pains those around me without me intending for it to at all. I-if it is, I ask God to forgive me, and to please show me what I ought to do…"
Tears welled up again, and she quickly wiped them away, sniveling pathetically. I considered the nicest sounding way to advise her to kill herself, but decided against it, in case her divinity would not allow even that. Besides, I already had a plan for her safe social demise, so I shouldn't risk any unexpected behaviour now.
I dipped two fingers into the unforgivingly cold water and lightly touched her forehead.
"Do what is right before God, faithful child, and he shall always watch over you. I pray for your forgiveness, and he grants it, for you have repented. Let this blessing wash away your sins, and allow you to begin anew."
She looked up at me, her eyes shining with tears and foolish hope, with a naive smile. I watched her go back to her father's side, her steps lighter than when she'd come, but slowing down again as she saw that he was in the midst of a discreet but emotional argument with her stepmother.
If there was justice and goodness in this world, our roles would be reversed. Yet with my power, money, and reputation, I was justice.