I lay low pressing my face tightly against the brutally cold ground littered with dry leaves. I knew I would die soon, and so was my little girl.

"Please don't cry..oh please don't cry", I whispered into her ear.

There was no escape from this, at least not while I carried the baby. Thinking of every possible escape route, none will work.

Andrew was going to kill us when he found our hiding place. I couldn't let him and I just didn't know how to stop it. I put my hand over Alicia's mouth.

"You shouldn't make a sound baby, you mustn't", I whispered into her ear.

I could hear Andrew ranging above inside the house. He was scattering the furniture, ransacking everywhere. He was crazy, driven by anger, the worst state he has ever been in. He behaved as though he overdosed on Indian hemp but he wasn't.

"Come out Amanda, Come out from your hiding place, No matter where you hide, I'll still find you", Andrew yelled.

" Alicia, come to Daddy, Daddy is here for you….Come out Amanda, come out!", Andrew repeated over and over again.

"It's game over Amanda", he added.

I was shivering under the long couch, my teeth were chattering. This should better be a dream, it was the worst moment of my life.

It was New Year's Eve, and I wasn't sure I will make it to the New Year.

Andrew kept yelling our names, tramping up and down the stairs, his voice sounded like that of a legion waiting to devour.

I could hear the firecrackers, everyone was anticipating the New year but here was Andrew anticipating the agony of his family.

I couldn't believe this was my husband, a man I had loved with my whole heart, got married to, and had a kid with. 

This was the same man who I had dreamt of having lots of kids for, being happy with, and living a life in paradise. 

" I, Andrew Powers, take you, Amanda Thompson to be my wife, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish until parted by death", this words still rang in my mind like it was yesterday.

Our fourth wedding anniversary was in two months. I had saved lots of money and planned lots of surprises for Andrew as we usually did.

Maybe Andrew also had surprises planned for me__so I thought or was this right here part of his surprises?

The Andrew Powers everyone knew was a gentleman, a Math instructor at the Academy. That was what everyone believed, what they wanted to believe, and what I had believed myself.

The Andrew Powers in our house right now was possessed by a legion, or he was the legion himself waiting to devour.

I can't get myself to explain what happened to the sweet Andrew everyone knew, it started from little anger days to worse anger days then graduated to slaps, punches, but today it was at its peak. Andrew was a beast!

I held my little girl tightly, she was soaked in her sweat, I was too.

It was so hot or maybe just inside this pitch-black nightmare, this was a house that was once an earthly paradise for the three of us.

But today, Andrew had made our house hotter than hell.

" You mustn't cry, Alicia. Please don't. I love you".

Alicia looked into my eyes and nodded, I hoped it was just a bad dream that will pass away, but it wasn't.

This was as real as my father's heart attack when I was fifteen and the only one home. This was even worse.

I could hear my husband screaming non-stop for more than an hour, climbing up and down the stairs, punching the walls.

This went on for two hours then three and four…. It was a living hell.

At least I made it into the New Year.

Luckily Alicia had slept off, I felt dizzy but I knew I mustn't do that...Never!

It was the early hours of the morning maybe two a.m or three?

I heard the door slam shut like a clap of thunder, it was followed by loud footsteps towards the couch.

Alicia got up. I covered her mouth with my palm and signaled her to keep calm.

"Daddy!", Alicia cried out like she always does. Only if she knew that her dear daddy was now a monster, a terrifying one with no heart, only if she knew...

A bright light shone under the porch, the flashlight was so bright that it blinded me.

He pushed the couch that it tumbled over. It was like he had been injected with extraordinary energy.

A thousand sharp invisible swords pierced through my stomach. I held Alicia so right, what was he going to do?

"Found you, There you are, My lovely girls", Andrew shouted. His voice sounded raw and coarse. He then gave out his sarcastic laughter of victory.

How could he be my husband, he wasn't, he couldn't be. The man in front of me was insane.

Two deafening shots came from his gun. He fired right at us. He aimed to kill either Alicia or me or both of us.

But I also had a surprise for Andrew, a surprise I never planned, at least just this time.

Fortunately, my reflex took a better part of me.

Peek-a-boo!

I fired back.

Shot him three times!

There was the monster lying in his cold blood. The beast has been defeated. His own game backfired. Blood gushed out of his mouth, his energy had gone down the drain in a few seconds.

He was lying lifeless, he was dead. It was unbelievable. His eyes looked like they pleaded for pity.

Alicia suddenly stopped crying. She was startled. She stared at her father's body that lay lifeless on the ground, her lovely daddy.

Will this sight linger in her mind forever as it did in mine? Will she ever understand?

She was going to turn three soon. Will she forget all of this as she grew up? I wished she will.

I had killed my husband. I shot him. Tears rolled down my eyes, I loved Andrew, and I hated him too.

I was an orphan, no aunt or uncles, no cousins, and now I was also a widow,  made myself one. I had to.

Alicia was the only family I had.

I became a murderer__That was what Andrew turned me into, A bloody murderer!

"Peace at last", I thought...only if I knew.

________________

Sometimes, I feel like I'm carrying a great burden, I feel like guilt is engraved on my forehead.

I was a Murderess, I had this feeling, a feeling that will never be washed away and that was so unfair. It's inhumane and indecent.

The memories were terrible, awful, and bitter, It was so terrifying and explicit that they sliced through my head. I couldn't get it away. I'll live with them forever.

But I'll tell all of it, sparing no one, not even myself. This is a story everyone is waiting to hear.

This is the "Big News Story". I always know what it means to be "News". Do you have an idea?

Can you imagine what it meant to be a piece of news or even news itself, to be in the papers, talked about on the radio and television channels, sometimes getting to hear strangers talk about you everywhere you go?

Can you imagine yourself as a piece of news that everybody reads and makes judgments about?

The Star Newspapers had called the first shooting "The Worst Family Tragedy".

At that time, it seemed as though it had happened to someone else. Not to Alicia and me, or even about Andrew, as much as he deserved it.

After a dozen years later, the second killing had forced me to remember North West Virginia and all of its horrible vividness.

I obsessively confront the questions that pound my brain: Am I a murderer?

Did I kill not just one, but two of my husbands?

Or did I kill the three of them?

I don't know anymore. I don't know! As crazy as it sounds, I honestly don't.

It gets hot here-- sometimes as hot as it was that New Year's Eve when Andrew died. All I can do is sit in this prison cell, in torment, and wait for the trial to begin.

The Press wanted my story so bad, everyone did.

I decided to write it all down. I'm writing for myself__but I'm also writing it for you. I'll tell you everything.

I have decided to write my story. I wrote it raw, unfiltered, just as it was not the lies the Press kept spreading nor the half-hazard rumors that were spreading like fire.

I decided to write the truth, nothing but the truth.

When you read it, you decide. That's how the system works right? At least you can make your judgments after reading the full story.

And, oh, yes, I trust you. I'm a trusting person. That's probably why I'm here in all of this terrible trouble.

And my story begins...