"I cheated on you and I tried, I tried my best to be the best husband I could be but I can't. You deserve more."
I didn't want to hear it anymore, I wished someone could pinch me because that couldn't be real.
I could barely hold his gaze, he was looking at me like he was the victim here. He didn't even have the decency to tell me that before the wedding, maybe I would have spared myself from buying this expensive dress and from looking like a perfect idiot in front of everyone.
I took a deep long breath and swallowed down. I shut my eyes and blinked.
"Please say something," Carl pleaded me guilty, "If you can forgive me I…"
I could feel the anger penetrating through my skin, the blood boiling, and my fists inadvertently clenching.
Like an uncontrollable storm, I spat out all my anger. "You could have told me that before, instead of dragging me here and telling me that you had cheated on me in front of a priest and our entire families. Have you ever loved me?" My voice broke, I couldn't control my sadness anymore and for the first time in 20 years, my eyes filled with tears.
I spotted a slight smile on his face as if he was happy to see me crying as if that was the proof he needed to confirm I loved him.
He didn't deserve my crying, I pushed the tears away with all my willpower, and before I realized it my hand hit his cheek. I slapped him so strongly that the palm of my hand burned and became red right after.
Now his eyes filled with tears, I wished I could smirk like he did but my sadness didn't allow me to do so.
I wasn't the kind of woman who slapped a man or who made a scene, but it was like I gave him my heart and he crushed it on the floor and then he stepped on it over and over until it was destroyed.
Carl turned around and walked away hastily, I could hear some people trying to stop him but he shook his head and kept walking.
A few minutes later I was alone in front of the priest, he slammed his book, "I guess the wedding is canceled." He said, leaving right after.
I turned around, everyone was looking at me with a sorry gaze as if they pitied me, I wanted to scream to them to go away but as soon as I opened my mouth, nothing came out and like a broken stereo I am left with no voice to express how angry I was.
I ran out, no relative dared to talk to me, I started the car and I drove for a few kilometers until I stopped in the middle of a parking area. I held my head in my hands and I tried to push my tears out, I was mentally destroyed and I could feel my heart aching in my breast yet no tears came out. I remembered when Carl blamed me because I couldn't cry a single tear during our arguments. He even said I didn't cry because I didn't love him enough. The last time I had cried was when I was 7 years old after my grandfather's death, I had cried so much that day that my eyes hurt whenever I blinked and my mouth dried for days.
I liked to think that day I had run off tears, and now my body was still recovering from that moment.
Even now, I couldn't cry. I stayed in the car alone, the radio was playing in the background and I mentally tried to figure out how I didn't notice he cheated on me.
You are supposed to notice when your man is a cheater, maybe smelling the woman's fragrance or spotting some traces of lipstick on his clothes.
But I didn't notice any of those, to be honest, I didn't even pay attention, I trusted him so much that I didn't even take into account the option he may cheat on me.
I felt so silly and angry that I wanted to do something crazy.
I heard his voice in my head saying how my life was so perfect, having a good job and working as the boss of a car company. I even considered quitting my job and refusing to work overtime because I didn't want to neglect him.
How silly was I?
I turned on my phone, I saw 5 missed calls from my mom, 3 from my sisters, and one voice message from…. Carl. One hour ago.
I hesitated whether to listen to it or not until my finger pressed on the bottom before I could turn off my phone.
"I don't want to marry you, Lily. I am so sorry, I can't. I can't live a life where my wife earns more than me, works more than me, and I can not hear my friends make fun of me saying you wear the pants in the couple. This may be stupid but I hate hearing you talk about your job all day, we barely even go out to eat. When is the last time we had fun together? Now it's all about how amazing Lily is. Oh god, I am sorry. I cheated on you, with a woman who works with me, she is pretty and very young, and when I went back home I didn't regret it. I knew it was right because you don't have time for me. I can't marry you. I love you too much, you're amazing and you deserve someone just as a workaholic like you, but I want to enjoy life to the fullest. I want to visit the clubs and spend the night out with my friends. When is the last time you went out with your friends? Do you even have any friends left? Or they all left you because…"
I stopped the message and turned off my phone.
I was red with anger, what kind of justification was that? Maybe I wasn't the perfect woman who cooked for her husband and spent the day making romantic dinners for him. But leaving me because I earn more than him? What kind of asshole did I date for six long years?
Right in front of me, I saw a pub, I needed a drink right now. I only liked the fruity drinks, but now I needed something strong enough to make me forget the awful day I had.
I walked down the car, my gaze traveled down to my dress and I remembered I was still wearing this beautiful expensive dress which now went to waste.
I wanted to rip it off but I forced all my muscles to hold back my anger and I walked immediately in the car again.
I had to change, I grabbed a short dress that had been in the back of the car probably for months, maybe it fell out from one of the boxes when I helped my sister to move out of her old house.
It was a short tight dress, definitely her style. I rolled my eyes, I had no other choice than wearing that piece of cloth.
I slipped the wedding dress out, staying down the seats, and then I slipped on the new dress.
Right, when I stuck out my head I noticed a man was looking at me from afar.