01/03
I met a girl today; she was the most beautiful person I have ever seen in my life. Her name is Becky, hazel eyes, light brown hair, soft skin, she is everything.
01/05
Today was our second date, she asked me to be her boyfriend and I said "yes"
But I feel she can do better so I am lucky that I am with a beautiful girl like her.
02/06
We went to my parent's house, as always, they embarrassed me, but I am fine with is because I was able to see her wonderful smile. Dad said he was impressed that I brought home a beautiful lady he told me "I am proud of you son"
I hate my father, well my stepfather. When I was 9 my father died in a car accident, luckily my slut mother had a back-up and married Jared (my stepfather) as soon as possible. I call him dad because my mother told me to call him that, he is terrible towards my mother, he hits her and screams at her, I hope me, and Becky's relationship doesn't go badly.
02/17
We went to her parents' house, she has two moms, moms name is Meghan and mamas name is Jack, odd name for a woman, isn't it? Her full name is Jackie. I had a better time at their house then I did with mom and Jared.
12/25
It is our first Christmas together. We went to go see the big Christmas tree and we had the time of our lives that night. I truly felt connected to her. I bought her a gift even though she said no gifts, I got her a golden chain, and she got me a gift as well even though she said no gifts she got me a golden ring. We both love the color golden, it's such a powerful color it's as powerful as the color purple or dark blue.
01/01
Its our first new year together but, I am not focused on that I am looking forward to our one-year anniversary it is the 3rd and I want to go to the place we first met each other, the café by the hospital she works at.
01/03
We went to the café and a guy was looking at her. I feel angry but it's not like I can stop him from looking at her. I just can't help the jealousy that I am feeling but I would keep it in because I love her, and I do not want to start a scene. And who wouldn't look at her she is beautiful.
03/06
Becky is starting to go out more and staying out a little late. I am starting to worry, and I know I shouldn't feel so jealous, but I can't help this dreadful feeling
07/15
Becky was gone later than usual today, I can't help but feel that she shouldn't be out at all, she is gone all the time and I never see her anymore. I want- no I need her to be with me. She must come home I can't allow her to stay out this long. She is mine, she belongs to me and me only.
01/03
It's our anniversary and we decided to stay home.
02/09
Becky started telling me she loves me more than usual. It makes my heart flutter when she tells me such beautiful things. Her love means the world to me.
02/16
I told her that I want her to quit her job and she told me no, I asked her why and she said that she worked hard to get where she is then I said "I want you to do it" and she screamed and said "NO" that was my first time ever hitting someone, I didn't mean to do it, she was screaming and then I- I did something bad.
02/17
She didn't talk to me all night. So, I went to the mall and brought her a new golden bracelet. What I did was terrible, and I feel bad for doing it. I never wanted to hit her, and I never should hit anyone but that night- that night she screamed at me, there was so many things going through my head, and I just kept thinking "shut up shut up shut up SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT U- "and then is just snaped all the anger and jealousy I have been feeling just couldn't stand it anymore. Thankfully she accepted my gift and I said I would never do that ever again; I made a promise that I hope I will never break.
03/08
She is mine. That is the thought that is constantly being said in my head. Becky started staying home more often and stopped staying out so late. I am happy about this. But I need her to know that she is mine. She haves to know that she belongs to me and only me. My mind won't stop those thoughts, everywhere she goes I must know what she is doing, who is she talking to, why is she there; these are the horrible thoughts that are running in my head I should be the only one on her mind.
03/10
I fear losing her.
She is the only thing I need in this world I need her to stay with me forever.
My heart feels alive when she is around.
She is like a goddess.
She is my goddess.
I love you, Becky.
I need you, Becky.
04/12
I asked Becky to marry me. She told me "No" I asked her why and she said that she wants to take a break. I couldn't let that happen. I don't know what I was thinking, I broke my promise, I hit her. But a miracle happened. She said sorry to me she told me she loves me, and she doesn't want to make me angry and then she said we could get married. I didn't want to wait so we went and got married that day. Finally, she is mine. I am with my beautiful goddess.
05/01
Becky doesn't want kids, but I want her to. She told me "I love you but if I had kids then I would love them more" I told her "That is not possible, you can't love someone more than me" I saw the fear in her eyes, but she told me "I will have a child then"
06/05
We have been trying for a long time and now my beautiful goddess has finally gotten pregnant.
07/14
I am starting to hate this child she is making Becky sick, but it is all going to be worth it. My Becky is the strongest woman I know she is going to get through this I know it. I believe in her. Nothing is going to happen to my goddess
04/14
today was the worst day of my life. The baby was born. I was holding my goddesses' hand as she was giving birth, the doctor told me not to look you will get sick but out of curiosity I looked and she was beautiful, even her insides, "IT'S A GIRL" said the doctor, but that's when everything went bad, Becky wasn't strong enough, her body couldn't stand it, she died after giving birth. I kept telling myself that it was my fault, that she didn't want a child in the first place. I am broken but then I came to discover that its not my fault its that child's fault this would have never happened if it wasn't for her. But then I looked into that wicked child's eyes and saw she has the same eyes as my goddess, perfect hazel eyes. I decided to keep this evil murderous child of mine. Her name is Cassie I couldn't bear to name her after her mother the poor victim.
04/15
Cassie turned two yesterday she doesn't deserve a birthday, but I couldn't say no to her. I hate this child the only reason why I keep her is because she looks like my goddess. Yesterday, I got her a golden bracelet. It hurts me how much she remines me of Becky, I tell her that every day and she says to me "it's okay daddy, just let it all out" I think it is scary how smart a two-year-old can be.
04/14
Cassie turned 5 today, she is starting to look more and more like Becky, I don't know what to say anymore. I have been writing in this book, but I feel dead. I feel alone. There is no love for me. My mother sucks, my stepfather sucks. My mothers in law hate me. I hate my child and I hate myself for it. Cassie deserves better, I hate her for what she did but a child needs love. And I need my goddess. I'll see you later Becky we will meet again.
THE END