"Mum. I'm home!" Joshua announced as he walked into the eerily quite house.
"You're back early." A tall slender woman who looked to be in her late thirties sat on one of the cushions in the living room. A lit cigarette was held between her fingers and a glass of whiskey on the other.
"I wasn't feeling so well. I thought I would come home and rest a bit." Joshua replied, taking the bottle of whiskey that was still half full. "I thought you said you had your drinking problems under control." he said, walking over to the kitchen and pouring the contents of the bottle down the drain.
"I do. That was my first glass." his mother replied, taking a long puff out of her cigarette.
The faint aroma of cooking lingered in the air as he entered the kitchen. He could see a pot of soup simmering on a low heat. "What's the occasion?" he couldn't help but ask his mum, knowing that she almost never cooked except on his birthdays.
"You do know it's not my birthday," he added, noting that his mother was having difficulty in recalling some things.
"Ofcourse I know it's not your birthday silly," she chided him. Pulling another stick cigarette from the packet, she offered it to him.
Joshua shook his head, remembering what the physician had told him about smoking. He watched his mother take a long drag from the cigarette, and puff the smoke playfully at his face.
"Why are you so surprised?" she asked. "Can't I cook for my son again?"
He rolled his eyes not buying her lie. "Are you expecting someone?"
She giggled like a highschool girl "Maybe."
"Who?" he asked bluntly.
"Well, there's this guy I met the other day at the bar." she walked into the kitchen and brought out another bottle of whiskey from the cupboard, filling her glass with it. Joshua looked displeased but chose not to comment on it. "He was really nice. He even paid for my drinks."
His eyes narrowed in suspicion, "What were you doing at a bar Mum? Have you been skipping your medications again?"
"I got bored staying at home Joshie. You're not always around except on weekends what do you want me to do all alone everyday," She pouted.
"Ofcourse I am not always around Mum. I have to go to school." he replied. "Have you tried looking for another Job?"
"I did. But no one wants to hire me anymore." she shrugged not the least bothered. "Steve is a really good man Joshie. I know you're going to love him."
"Can you please stop calling me that?" Joshua frowned on hearing the pet name she had always called him when he was little. "So what happened after Steve paid for your drinks?" he asked.
"Well, I was starting to feel kinda dizzy from drinking a lot and he offered to take me back home." She took a sip of her whiskey and smiled coyly. "And then he helped me get inside the house and we made out."
"Oh God." Joshua felt a slight headache brewing in his head. "You had sex with someone you just met."
"Steve is different Joshie. I can feel it." She started to say. "We even talked about getting married. He can be your new daddy."
Joshua began to run up the stairs to her room, not listening to what she was saying. "Mum. Where are your medications?" he asked searching the drawers where she used to keep them. It just didn't make sense. She was back to her old habits. The smoking. The drinking. The high sex drive.
"It's finished." she said, standing by the door as she watched her son ransack her room.
"Spare me that crap Mum. It's not up to a month we got those drug from your Psychiatrist." he snapped. "What did you do with it?"
"I flushed it down the toilet." she muttered guilty. "It tasted like bird poo."
"You did what? Do you have any idea how expensive those medications are?" he fumed. "I bet you don't. You don't care about how hard I work my butt off to make sure that we get food to eat and not get kicked out of here for not paying rent. All you care about is yourself and nothing more."
He noticed his mother expression shift from playful to sadness within seconds and he muttered a curse. Now he had really gone and done it this time. Triggering one of her episodes. While she was in prison, his mother had been diagnosed with having Bipolar I disorder which had come as a surprise him. Back then, he hadn't noticed his mother behaving in any abnormal way to draw his suspicion, so it was hard to believe that she had a mental illness. But then again he had been too young and naive to notice the symptoms. Now he was older he could read the symptoms more clearly and had been careful not to trigger her emotions or do anything to make her feel depressed. He had made sure she followed her medications strictly like her psychiatrist had advised and even made sure she visited the hospital every month.
"I have been a terrible mother. Haven't I ?"
she asked, her eyes brimming with tears. "I am a bad parent."
"No mum, I didn't mean it that way." Joshua walked over to where she stood, bringing her close for a hug suddenly feeling bad for making her cry, "You're the best mum out there. I am just worried about you because I love you." He wiped her eyes with his thumb "I want you to take your meds and get better that's why I got mad at you?"
She sniffed on his chest and Joshua kissed her forehead and patted her gently. "It's fine Mum. I am sorry I got mad at you?"
"Does this mean that Steve can be your new daddy?" she gazed at him expectantly.
"No Mum. I don't want a new daddy." he replied.
He saw her frown and disengage herself from his embrace knowing exactly what was coming next. "Why? Steve is a good man and he really loves me."
Her mood had suddenly switched from sad and worthless back to being talkative and wired.
"Because you just met him. You shouldn't marry someone you just met." he replied, not wanting to heighten or trigger any more of her episodes. He had wondered if she couldn't remember how bad her last relationship was and how it had almost ruined both of their lives. But then he had found out from her psychiatrist that most bipolar patients had amnesia. Not that they forget every detail of their lives but they willingly chose to erase some memories that tends to have a significant effect on their emotions. It was probably a good thing she couldn't remember what happened that night, eight years ago Joshua thought. Considering the fact that it was the incident that had landed her in prison and had worsened her illness. Deep down he envied her, wishing he could erase the memory too.
He could see his mother had sat down on a chair, arms crossed still muttering to herself about her lover. Joshua sighed and reached for his phone, quickly making an appointment with her Psychiatrist.
"Your Mum says she isn't going to return my cellphone until next week." Kamji groaned, walking beside River. "What am I meant to do an entire week without my cellphone?"
It was their lunch break period and the two girls headed towards the cafeteria. After paying for their meals, they found an empty table and settled down to eat.
"It's not that bad." River consoled her cousin. "Look at the bright side, Mr Idris is starting to treat you nicely after finding out that you're the Principal's niece."
"Tell me about it." Kamji rolled her eyes at the mention of the man's name. "When he found out at the office, he looked like he had seen a ghost. He even apologized for making me scrub the toilets and said something about putting in a good word about him to your Mum."
River laughed. "He says that to I and Peter a lot. Welcome to the club."
"It looks like he's crushing on your Mum." She said to her cousin taking a bite out of her sandwich.
"Ewwww gross." River gave a disgusted look. "I just think he is looking to get the Award for the best teacher of the year."
"I can't believe he would go as far as pairing me with Joshua on a group project to get on my good graces." She took another bite out of her sandwich. "Does he think I am one of those lazy students that would depend on the class genius to do all the work and get a straight A?"
River grinned while sipping a juice box. "The good news is that you get to spend more time with Joshua working on the project."
"And who says I want to spend more time with him?" retorted Kamji remembering that Joshua hadn't been excited about being paired with her for the Biology project. Her eyes darted unconsciously across the cafeteria searching for him.
"Who are you looking for?" asked River as she noticed her cousin scanning the room.
"Joshua." she replied, "Come to think of it I have never seen him in the cafeteria during lunch breaks."
River shrugged as she drank what remained of her juice box, making slurping noises with her straw. "Joshua is antisocial, he always prefers his own company. He's been that way since our freshman year."
"Yeah, I noticed." Kamji muttered, recalling how he always seemed to always distance himself from her.
"I am really surprised that Mum convinced him to tutor you." River added. "It's so unlike him."
Lunch break was over and Kamji headed towards the library during their free period for her study session with Joshua. She found him waiting at their usual spot, glancing lazily through a textbook.
"You're late," he said not bothering to look up as he flipped through the pages of the book.
"I know, I am sorry." she settled down on a chair opposite him. "Here, I brought you lunch." she placed a brown paper bag and an energy drink on the table.
Joshua finally tore his gaze from the book and glanced at the paper bag in front of him. "I didn't ask you to bring me lunch."
"Well I didn't see you in the cafeteria so I thought I should bring you something to eat." Kamji stated calmly.
Joshua dropped his book and leaned forward towards her across the table, "Are you that captivated by me that you not only steal glances at me during classes but now think about me while eating in the cafeteria?" he asked.
Kamji felt a blush rising in her cheeks and fought hard to control it. Sure she always stole glances at him during their classes, but she thought he never noticed her doing it. And besides she was always very quick to look away when she felt him turn around.
She noticed that he had the same beautiful deep brown eyes like Michael only that his, carried a hint of emptiness in them. The type that left her completely mesmerized and hypnotized and she felt like she would get lost in the very depths of them. Forcing herself to look away, she replied. "I just don't want you to get tired or weakened while we study, that's all."
"How nice of you to care about my condition." his voice was laced with sarcasm. "If you want to help, you can start by returning the shirt I lent you the other day. Except if you can't bear to part with it and wish to keep it as a souvenir."
Kamji felt her cheeks redden at his comment. She had wanted to return the shirt but she somehow she always seemed to forget about it. "It's still at the dry-cleaner's" she lied, "I will pick it up today."
Joshua made no comment about it and they began their lessons. He taught her some equations in mathematics and had given her some questions to solve. They had studied for some hours before they stopped.
"We will stop here for today." Joshua said as be began closing the books.
"Are you leaving? We haven't agreed on the topic to work on for our biology project." Kamji reminded.
"About that, I will work on it. You don't have to bother yourself with anything." replied Joshua as he stood up. "All you have to do is to smile to the class during the presentation while you leave all the talking to me."
"What? No way," she refused. "We are working on it together like as a team. I won't take take credit use while you to do all the work."
"Fine. Then I will jot down some points on flashcards that you can read during the presentation."
"We are working together on this project together Joshua. And if you don't like it then you can talk to Mr Idris about switching partners." she said crossing her arms.
"Do you always have to be so difficult? A lot of people would jump at what I am offering you." Joshua drawled.
"Well I am not 'a lot of people'." she replied.
"If you want to work on the project why don't you work on it alone. I will gladly stand aside during the presentation." Joshua replied. "Unless you're looking forward to spending more time together."
Kamji could feel his intense gaze locking on her face as if taunting her to deny his claim.
"We will talk about what topic to work on tomorrow." Kamji said standing up and quickly bolting out of the library. What was wrong with her today? she wondered .And what was this fluttery jittery feeling in her chest?