I don't know why I rewrite this. I started writing this the end of my freshman year and still, midway into my junior year, I've yet to fully complete the first volume; I can say, however, that the first volume was finished within a month of me starting it. But I didn't like what I wrote and rewrote it, then rewrote it, then rewrote it again which, that time around, took me two weeks per chapter, all in all there are 20 chapters in the first volume of the beauty within – back then there was 40 chapters, each being around 2-4 pages – so it took me 40 weeks to finish the beauty within, which, around the time I can say I finished it, was the end of my sophomore year. I then reread it, skimming for a few errors, and within that time I had seen so many flaws in my writing that were once jewels to me.

I realized then that no matter how much I write I will never like my writing. That at times when I'm most creative and most inspired, I will hate my writing when I'm reclusive and that will be my final judgement.

Which is why I decided then to rewrite the beauty within again for the fourth maybe fifth time. When I decided to rewrite it I was going to start my first job. 40 weeks unfortunately, and this being my first time in a true working environment where I'm not just sitting down a majority of the time – I was standing and moving quickly within a small area for seven hours without breaks – I was unbelievable tired everyday but the check I received in the end was enough to push me through.

I learned that I do like the beauty within, and I do like the stories in my head. I truly do and I really do want them to be read everywhere in hopes of it impacting people. But when I got my paycheck at sixteen years old, money became a primary motivation for me. In this way I got greedy and snobby about writing: "why should I write when no one will look at me writing?" or "I'd rather work forty-fifty hour weeks then write a book that wont pay me a dime". This led to me completely deleting the beauty within off writing websites... I am a sucker for validation at the end of the day.

I saw a career as a writer as a gamble. In order for a writer to make it they have to write what people everywhere want to read. They want fanfic of famous people, smut between good looking people, or cultivation stories that are horribly generic yet very addictive – I won't deny that I have gone down the rabbit hole of cultivation manhua, or terribly made Isekai. It is those generic works that have gotten all the recognition and remain the highest earning for authors… I envy those people truly…

I look at reality for what it is, and I see no place where i fit in; there are no careers out there in which I can truly submerge myself and be happy about for the next year. I am the kind of person that gets bored quickly – I've wanted to be a WWE wrestler, an engineer, a doctor, a construction worker, an actor, a director, until finally something that was plausible came to mind: an accountant. Becoming an accountant seemed something I could do as it involved simple math which I am great at, and it pays – the pay of course being the largest factor. But being an accountant was overshadowed by the thought of being a writer.

Writing was one of the first things I felt genuinely confident in; never in my life had I ever assumed I'd want to pursue a career in writing.

And though my work to what is trending now are very different, and perhaps it is outdated, I believe my writing to not be satisfactory to me, but great compared to the writing now.

I understand the vanity that I display there, as I'm sure there a few of you that scoffed at me; but I am sure that my writing and the beauty within has the chance to become the best there is.

Anyways, I wrote this because I felt the need to write something regarding The Beauty Within even if it wasn't The Beauty Within itself.

I will upload the chapters of The Beauty Within now up until I've reached an area which I've yet to rewrite. Do not be surprised if I completely delete a chapter and replace it with a completely new set of words…

I hope that you will enjoy this as much as I hope that this can become my career.

Disregard my dry humor.

With love,

Meliora.