She's a smug, confident woman of thirty-three. Sure of herself, set in her ways and never contemplating a damned thing. She'd be dead before she found herself in any kind of distress, she thinks. She takes life for granted because, so far; all good. She isn't of a particularly wealthy background, but she's never lacked of anything. There's always been food on the table, clothes on her back, and her hobbies and pursuits were fully sponsored. Remarkably, she's never even been ill in her thirty-three years of existence. What would it be like to not know how it feels to barf? She's never been sick a day in her life. She's never had any king of sufferings or disappointment in her life, and this is why she pays no heed, or lends no sympathy when people lament and whine about their predicaments. She may show a little concern and say a few kind words to shut them up when she can't take it anymore, but she's never one to be sincere in sympathy, or really help people materially in their predicaments because she thinks they derive just too much pleasure in whining and exaggerating. She's never had to struggle for anything, and got a job straight out of college. She's society savvy, but after all of the above, of course I wouldn't say she downright intelligent. In her wildest imaginings, she could never consider any kind of distress, struggles or disappointments in her future, hell, she hardly understands what those words mean. She's 5 feet 4, that's adequate enough. She's D+ cup, that's adequate enough. She has a shapely, sumptuous behind, that's adequate enough. She has a face fit for glamor TV, that's adequate enough. This woman is Helen Rundell. She's the Celebrity-Fashion Researcher and Correspondent at Ent, and she hosts the fashion segment on Ent News. What she loves the most in the world? Her job. By far. And what makes it so special to her? The screen time she gets. That screen time, is everything in fact.
This new night, Blake, Joanna and Olly are sat on the couch in the living room. Joanna's working a laptop, while Blake and Olly have their eyes glued to "God's Plan TV."
"The guy we need to talk to," says Joanna, "the program director at Ent, his name is Henry Cassidy," on the laptop, she shows them a photo of a hard faced, obese man of mid-fifties wearing a suit.
"What a tool," says Olly, staring at the photo of Cassidy.
"Well," says Blake, "he'll have to become our own tool. And the only one that could become it."
"That's all I have on him," Joanna shuts the laptop, "Olly'll find out the rest, he's the computer whiz."
"Not tonight though," says Olly. "Apparently, I'm special guest of honor at Abie's party tonight, I have to attend in full."
"Oh yeah that's tonight," says Blake. "Darn, I didn't get her anything."
"I got her exactly what she asked," says Joanna; "money. The woman is smart. Money is ideal. It's gift that could not turn out to be useless, redundant, or distasteful. It also saves time and effort of the giver. Henceforth, any of you wanna gimme any presents, monetize it."
"Whoa!" says Olly. "That speaks volumes as to Blake's ability to purchase bullshit for presents."
"Yeah well me too," says Blake, "anybody wanna give me any shit, they'd better just gimme the money's worth."
"Me three," says Olly, raising a hand.
"So," says Blake "I'm just gonna give Abie 5 bucks, man, I'm unemployed. And broke. 5 bucks is cool, right?"
Joanna and Olly don't respond, they just smirk.
Blake faces Joanna, "Jo, you should know more about these things, you're female like her."
"Just give her whatever you want, man," says Joanna.
"Olly, what are you getting her?" Blake asks.
"Uh, well let's just say it's a gift for the both of us."
Blake and Joanna take a moment pondering this.
"Oh you sick, twisted, neighbor indulging crook," says Blake. Olly holds a smug smile.
"And she's old enough," says Blake, "to be your mother, if she were molested. I'll be damned. I never knew you had it in you. " He takes Olly in a surprise choke hold, and gives him a noogie, "I'm proud'a you, son."
"Not the hair, man," Olly wards him off.
"Well," says Joanna. "if you're gonna get involved with Abie, be prepared for consequences. We all know what the woman's capable of." Yes in fact, three of Abie's exes had been rushed to the emergency room on being shot, stabbed, or physically traumatized after Abie deduced from suspicion, and careful stalking, that they were screwing around. In all cases, charges weren't pressed because of lack of evidence, and the casualties wouldn't hold it to her because they themselves are less-than-honest members of society, and being that she knew in all their dirty dealings, they'd rather just declare the whole thing an accident and let bygones be bygones. One of them was even pragmatic enough to beg her to take him back, the fact that she stabbed him twice notwithstanding. After all, how soon or where else is he gonna find such a shapely, sexy, beautiful, picture perfect, interesting chick like her. That man is Blake! Yes, that Blake. Of course, he and Abie are through now, and happen to still live in the same apartment building, and are in fact model neighbors. Joanna knows of this history past, and happens to be totally cool with it. Her herself, used to be an escort. And a very loose one at that. She's in fact always been good friends with Abie since moving into that apartment five years ago. Olly himself knows the whole story, and now he and Blake's ex are moving in on each other, and everyone's totally cool with everything. Yes, people can be that reasonable and mature. Oh, and the woman Blake was screwing around with behind Abie's back is yours truly; Joanna. Yes, Abie knows. "And just don't have way too much fun with her," continues Joanna, "I don't need you making me aunt to a baby with an unemployed father, and a mother with a mysterious occupation. What in the world does that broad actually do for a living now?" Abie used to keep her own grocery store over on Alameda street, and back then people could see pattern in her goings and comings. But since she sold the business two years ago, she shows no pattern or characteristic of any kind of job or occupation. Not to mention that she seems wealthier. Although, Olly, seeing what he saw at her place last night might have an idea as to what she does for a living, but he decides not to jump into conclusions. After all, he seems to be beginning to fancy her, and it may not look good on them if word got out that she's a show girl.
"Who knows?" says Blake, "She could be in the CIA."
"Guys," says Olly, "I never really said anything about getting involved with the woman."
" 'The woman'?" says Blake, "Come on, it's Abie we're talking about here, it wouldn't be half bad. After all, the devil you know is better than the angel you do not."
"Yeah, man," says Joanna, "don't worry about it, you have our blessing. After all, Abie isn't the worst you could do. Go knock yourself out. You deserve it."
"Are you kidding me?" says Olly. "I do not need anyone's blessings to get laid-"
"No, you do not," Blake puts an encouraging hand on Olly's shoulder.
"Who says you do?" says Joanna, "All we're saying is, it's Abie, man, you know the story of her. Be careful."
"Way ahead'a you," says Olly, "Way ahead'a you."
"Hey," Joanna motions to the TV, "Check this out." Ent News is on, and now, something particularly juicy screens: A-list movie star, Riley Stevenson, has broken his back in a motorcycle accident. Of course, this is even more so interesting to Blake and co because the events on screen; the accident, hasn't happened yet, but is sure as hell gonna happen. On screen, Riley Stevenson, being a large burly man, is being carefully lain on a gurney by a team of 4 paramedics that take each limb, taking great care to make sure they don't move him in a wrong way. The vintage 1940 Crocker motorcycle lays a ghastly wreck in front of the 2021 Escalade it head-on collided with, the bike being the one in the wrong lane. Not that Riley's is a terrible cyclist, but he did get too cocky. He thought he'd totally mastered the stoppie, but reality hit him quick and harsh when the bike wobbled and swerved into the other lane. He tried to get a grip, but the bike just won't stop wobbling and speeding, then the SUV appeared too quickly, and both vehicles collided not going anything less than twenty-four miles an hour. The inertia threw Riley eighteen feet in the air, and ninety feet across, of which when he hit the pavement way behind the escalade, he tumbled and scraped for some twenty feet. If it weren't for the fact that he had on a helmet and a safety suit, he would have broken way more than just his back, or probably would have died of head trauma. The vintage, limited edition Crocker motorcycle was totaled on impact, and the Escalade took some front damage. The losses incurred should run into the hundreds of thousands of dollars, but that wasn't the first concern of Mr. Stevenson, as the use of his legs now hangs in the balance, and if anything, it's going to be a long, slow, painful, frustrating recovery. Paparazzi take photos as Riley's being put in an ambulance in front of a crowd of onlookers videoing the whole thing with their phones, and Riley Stevenson can't help but whimper, covering his face in shame. Blake and co watch, absolutely rapt. The news hosts conclude the story, talking about how their thoughts and prayers are with Riley Stevenson, hoping that he makes a full recovery. Then right after, they give another story of how fallen-from-grace A-list actress, Amanda Fisker, has gone on live, family television and flashed her boobs.
"This is just gold!" says Blake, jotting down as much of the info as he can in a notebook. "Here comes the money, guys." It begins to dawn on them, how good and interesting things and are gonna get henceforth, and they begin to cheer and make merry. It gets rather heightened, and they start to seem like drunken fools, but it doesn't matter. It's all worth it.
"You know, guys," says Blake, "the fact that I get downsized, and then this happens the same night, is a sign. A sign that it's gonna be huge. God's Plan TV's gonna make us not just rich beyond our wildest imaginings, but it's gonna give us such thrill, like we never knew existed."
"Yep," says Olly.
Blake reads from his notebook, " 'A-list movie star to break back in motorcycle crash on the 25th of this month.' Where has anyone seen such a headline before? It's … it's like the devil's agenda … except it's God's Plan."
"Yeah," says Olly.
"Are you sure we shouldn't just warn Riley Stevenson?" says Joanna.
"Are you frigging kidding me?" says Blake, "And tell him what? 'We saw it on TV'? The only thing we can do here is to keep our distance from him. If we warned him, he'd still crash, and then people will think we had something to do with it. Let's say someone tampered with his bike, the cops are gonna think it was us. We just have to keep our distance."
"Right," says Joanna.
"And besides," says Olly, "I don't really like Riley Stevenson. He's too self-righteous and holier-than-now in all his parts."
Blake absolutely concurs with Olly, motioning him to Joanna like; 'what he said.' He then reads from his notebook, " 'Fallen-from-grace actress to flash titties on live TV on the 25th of this month.' Now too bad we ain't posting the video."
"Too frigging bad, bro," Olly has to concur.
"I think these," Blake motions to what he's jotted in his notebook, "along with the results of the Oscars, I still can't believe we've watched the Oscars, and it really hasn't happened yet."
"Oh yes, we have." "We sure have." says Joanna and Olly, nodding."
"This," Blake again motions to what he's jotted down. "along with the result of the Oscars is enough stuff for our first blog post. Olly, how's the website coming?"
"Very well, very well. I'll surely be done sometime tomorrow." He'd looked over how the work could be done, and realized that it's way easier than he thought. "Or I'm just way smarter than I thought?" he thought.
"Nice."
"Listen, guys," says Joanna, "if we gotta do this, we gotta do this exactly right, we gotta get people hooked. For example, when we blog the Oscars results, the headline should not say, 'Oscar Awards Predictions'. It should say, 'Oscar Awards Results Leaked'. People have to think it leaked, for them to be interested. If we put 'Oscar Awards Predictions', they'll think it's just some loser that doesn't have anything better to do with himself than to try and predict the Oscars and blog about it. People won't be interested. They have to think it leaked."
"Well, I'll be damned," says Blake. "I woulda gone and done it the wrong way. I though I had this whole thing figured out, but yet, I've been corrected on something this vital. Thank you, baby."
"Well two heads are better than one," says Joanna.
"Especially two heads with two boobs," says Blake. They chuckle. And then there's music booming through the walls.
"Abie's party's starting," says Olly.
"Of course it is, man," says Blake, "your keenness is well placed. We'll be there shortly."
"We gotta get going, guys, we're right next door. We can't be late, it won't look good."
"Awn, how sweet," says Joanna, "Look at indifferent, little Olly caring how-" she does air quotes, " 'that woman,' would feel."
"Leave the boy alone," says Blake, "He needs to get laid. He's been unlucky in love since five years ago when his dearly beloved girlfriend broke up with him to go have a gender change and become a dude."
Joanna rolls her eyes. "Like it wasn't I who told you that."
"Jesus Christ, Jo!" says Olly.
"We're family, man," she says.
Olly sighs, solemn, "To have something like that happen to you … man! I still haven't gotten over it. I don't know how any girl is ever gonna measure up to Lilly."
"Now 'Lucas,' " says Joanna.
"Well, Abie, isn't just any girl," says Blake "she's a full blown woman, and if you're extra lucky, that's exactly what she'll be doing to you tonight."
Joanna, as opposed to scolding Blake for talking like that about another woman, and another woman that actually happens to be his ex, she actually nods agreement. "And there's a whole world out there," she says to Olly, "full of beautiful girls that adore great guys like you."
"Thanks, guys," says Olly, "I guess I can say I haven't been so unlucky in love. At least, I have you guys."
"Awn," says Joanna, opening her arms. "Bring it in."
Olly gets in there, hugging her.
"Get in here, Blake," she says.
Blake rolls his eyes, joining the hug, "There there," he pats Olly on the back.
"I love you guys," says Olly, solemnly.
"We love you too, Olls," says Blake and Joanna.
"Now," says Joanna, "that party we've been talking about."
"Olly," Blake motions to the camera on a tripod, trained at the TV, "I hope the camera's still rolling, we don't wanna miss a thing."
" 'Rolling?' " Olly giggles, "come on, dude, what decade d'you think we're in, the 1930's? If there were something actually rolling in that camera, man, then, she should be very very worried."
"Whatever, man," says Blake, "just make sure the camera's still recording and keeps recording. We must catch up with everything."
"Right."
"Come on," says Joanna, "let's go party." Then, something comes on the TV that snatches her attention. "Ooh, after the fashion segment, though." On TV, Helen Rundell's in her element hosting the fashion segment of Ent News. There's nothing more endearing to her than being on TV, talking about what celebrities are wearing, or ought to wear, to rate and rank them, give the dos and don'ts, and show that she herself has style, is loved by the camera, knows what to say, and how to say it. In her own mind, she's in her own right, a celebrity. And the best kind in fact. The celebrity other celebrities look up to for fashion judgement and advice. Life couldn't possibly be better for her. And in fact, Joanna adores her, but Blake doesn't care much for her goddamned fashion segment, although, he'd admit she's pretty and classy.
"Well," says Blake, "this isn't very relevant to us, is it? Nothing nerve-racking or surprising ever happens in fashion."
"Speak for yourself," says Joanna, "And of course you say that when you have absolutely no sense of style."
Blake won't have this. He knows he takes the time to dress good and look good, it's one of the few things that matters to him in life, and he won't be put down on it by anyone, not even the love of his life, especially not the love of his life. "What?! I have no sense of style?! Balderdash, Joanna, balderdash. All of a sudden, you tell me I have no sense of style when all along you'd been declaring that my awesome sense of style is one of my greatest appeals, that you've learned a thing or two from the way I dress and accessorize."
" 'Accessorize,' " Joanna smiles, "Please…"
"Well, if I have no sense of style, then I wonder to what category you belong, seeing as I have way better sense of style than you. And you know I've seen photos from before we met, how you didn't give a damn how you looked," It's just one photo of Joanna when she had to appear in court as a witness for her best friend and colleague in the escort profession being charged with first degree murder, of a client. Joanna appeared in a rather drab suit several sizes too big, wore no make up, and the look on her face was absolutely dreadful being earnestly worried and distressed for her best friend, Molly, whom she knows for a fact isn't capable of what she was being accused, and in fact murder in any degree. It's not that Joanna wanted any photo of that day, but the story of the murder case was huge, as the man allegedly murdered was Dr. Jules Cliffe, a man much loved and revered by the city for his humanitarianism and benevolence. A picture of Joanna in her lame outfit, and with her harried face appeared in the papers, and Blake saw the woman, and despite her ill-fitting, dismal outfit, and distressed face, was infatuated, in fact obsessed with her. He managed to track her down through the escort agency, after trying the courthouse four times and failing. He wondered why he didn't just try the escort agency initially, that all that info was in the paper. But it's better to learn from your brainless blunders and move on with your life, than to keep swearing and cursing at yourself for how you let them happen in the first place. He arranged a date with the escort, Joanna, and when she met him, she actually took to him, and they hit it off, and she doesn't have to know the backstory of how he was obsessed to track her down from merely seeing a grainy photo of her, looking 'terrible,' in the paper. Of course, he was still seeing Abie back then, but he thought he was savvy enough to keep both chicks under wraps from each other. It's just, Abie's psychic when it comes to being cheated on. And she confirmed Blake's infidelity when she stalked him to Joanna apartment back then in Boyle Heights. Convenient enough, the apartment was downstairs, and all Abie had to do was sneak over and peep in the window. She didn't need Blake's bare ass to whistle to be sure what was going on. Abie's not the kind of girl to get heart broken or mournful over being cheated on. It's just, actions have consequences, and she'll be damned if she doesn't uphold them. Blake learned a very sour, painful lesson after being stabbed twice in the gut, and Joanna herself received death threats and physical intimidations. So, for the best they decided to call it quits, and Blake for his own safety stuck to Abie. Then 3 years later, Abie decided the relationship had ran it's full course, that Blake was free to do whatever the hell he wanted. Not that Blake himself was thrilled to separated from such an actually reasonable (Yes, Abie in all her madness, is a very reasonable person; Just don't break your contract with her.) and attractive chick, but he was extremely glad and grateful that Joanna would take him back. It flabbergasted him that she'd even answer his calls. Then she agreed to meet, and after they talked things over, she actually felt even closer to him than when they first dated. Maybe Blake's just that great a sweet-talker, or Joanna herself is infatuated with him, or she doesn't give a rat's ass about infidelity and would actually herself cheat on him with the first worthy guy she sees … or girl, who's to say? So, Joanna took him back with open arms, and they stuck to each other earnestly ever since … Or they have an open thing? Hmm. What if they have an open thing, and it's "don't ask, don't tell, don't care." Would that be so bad? After all, each knows the importance of having someone you can always rely on, come home to, and confide in. Would that be so bad? May be it would. Anyway, it's at their full discretion, and of course it has to be unanimous. So now, Blake has to milk that photo of Joanna looking dreadful for all its worth, the fact that that same photo's what got him smitten with her, the most beautiful woman he'd ever seen, should have nothing to do with it. And she better not find out. He continues, "how you used to wear awfully fitting, ugly clothes, and now you tell me I have no sense if style because, you've learned enough from me, and you want to justify the crap you watch on TV. Come on Jo, you can't play that with me, not after all I've endowed your fashion life."
"You know," says Joanna, "that photo you speak of is of when I was in a terrible fix; My best friend was being charged with murder, and I was genuinely physically and emotionally distressed about it, and I had to show up in court for her, as a witness, on the witness stand, in front of everyone. I had to wear something not particularly fashionable or scanty, and when the jury may not have a particularly good opinion about your profession, you don't wanna give 'em good enough reason from your apparel, to discredit your honesty."
"And then," says Blake, "you went and gave 'em good enough reason from your apparel to discredit your sanity." This draws uproarious laughter from Olly. Joanna herself, trying to exude rightfulness by keeping a straight face, can't help but chuckle, then guffaw. Yeah, now Blake's feeling really correct and actually fashionable; he's won.
"You'd say anything," says Joanna, "to uphold whatever false dignity you try to present."
"I only speak from proven facts," says Blake.
"Proven up your ass, you mean," says Joanna, "Okay, if I looked so insane in the courtroom that day, how come it was my testimony that swayed the case and got Molly exonerated."
"Of course that is what you tell yourself, Jo," says Blake, " But I wasn't there, anything coulda happened."
"Whatever. Now shut up and let me watch my show."
"Dude," Blake now faces Olly, "the five bucks I'm gonna give Abie, do I gotta wrap it, or I can just hand it to her as is? You know, now that you're her boyfriend, I can come to you with these things, you should know better."
"You're going to give a full grown woman 5 bucks for birthday?" says Joanna.
"Was I talking to you?"
Joanna shakes her head, admonishing.
"Guys," says Olly, "we gotta get to the party already."
"Yep," Joanna gets up, "let's go party, guys." They go get preened, and head for Abie's.