"Listen, new girl," Sidney stopped Ally and the twins in the hall after they separated from Lilly. "You get a pass because you didn't know any better, but stay away from Jones." She eyed the twins behind her and made an even more disgusted face, "And the retards…"
Something snapped in Ally at that word. She didn't have to look back to see how it cracked like a whip to the twins. She wasn't thinking of how she could avoid the situation now or how it would look.
"You think that word gives you power? That it all of a sudden makes you worth anything more?"
"Power? What the fuck are you talking—?"
"Because it doesn't. You don't get to put people down like that. It's not cool or whatever you think you are."
Sidney looked genuinely surprised. "I was just looking out for you, you little bitch. You want to lower yourself? Go right ahead. You don't know anything about me."
Her blood boiled. "No, I quite think I do. You're not unique, Sidney. There are a million girls just like you all over the country. I've known girls just like you. All hate. There's nothing about you that is different than any of the other spineless bullies at any other school. So quit trying to be such a terrible person!" She stormed past her and into the room, the twins catching up to her from behind. Inside she saw that Mr. Carro was nowhere to be seen—just a few other students that have already sat down in chairs around the big blocky tables that filled the room.
"Woah…where did that come from?" Rosie asked.
"That. Was. Insane…thank you for standing up for us," Josie said.
Ally slouched into the first available chair she could find, resting her hand on her head. The adrenaline faded out of her body. She felt like she was about to pass out. "I…I just don't like bullies. Normally I try to stay away from them or ignore them, but I can't ignore it when it is against someone else. It makes it easier I guess to say something."
"You do know that you can take that ugly thing off anytime, right?" Ashley strode into the room and stopped in front of their desk. "I mean, it is still technically summer unless you were planning on hiking somewhere far away from here, which, I guess more power to you." She had blonde hair like Ally, but it was bleached almost white, and it only draped to her shoulders. It looked like it was cut professionally.
"What do you want?" Josie asked.
Ashley, surprised, took longer to answer, "O-Oh…you do speak." She shook her head and looked back at Ally. "Listen, I heard what happened and I just wanted to make sure you know how this place works, okay?" She then began to speak in a low, hushed voice. "This is my shit, you got it? No toothpick is going to come here and think they're anything but a two-bit whore–to–be. Don't talk to anyone but your grubby little friends and maybe you'll have an okay experience here. Who knows, maybe not? You'll get used to being unwanted. I mean, your parents already abandoned you so why would this be any different?"
Ally's eyes went wide
"I know more about you than you think you know about anything in this world. People talk, you filthy little cunt. I know the lay of this town more than you know your own twat. Lay low, stay out of my business, or else your foster parents will be evicted from their home faster than I can blink." She stood back up straight and walked out of the classroom, passing Mr. Carro who was jogging into the class. "Ah, hello Ms. Evans. It is so nice to see you." He smiled at her. She grinned and then turned to dead-eye Ally before stepping out for good. It was too much. She got up from her desk and made a mad dash out of the room. Mr. Carro tried to call after her, but he realized that he didn't know her name. Flustered, he gave up and continued back to his desk.
She didn't know where she was going, but it had to be somewhere that wasn't where she was, and fast. She found a bathroom down the hall and slammed the door open. She frightened a girl who looked a few years older than her half to pieces before finding an empty stall and locking herself in. She sat on the toilet and pulled her legs up to her chest breathing steady to keep from crying.
"Don't tweak out on the first day," Jace appeared next to her. "Sorry about the invasion of privacy. I can't help it here."
"Don't worry. I think I'm there at this point."
Second period passed by and Ally didn't move. When she knew that the bathroom was empty she began to cry. The tears soaked down her face. The door opened some time later. The twins and Lilly found her in the stall in the space between second and third period.
"Hey? Is that you?" Lilly knocked on the stall door.
"Go away." Ally said.
"I heard what happened…Ashley's just a bitch."
"Everyone's going to hear what happened by the end of the week," Ally cried more.
"So, your parents are like, dead?"
"Lilly," Rosie scolded, "it is not nice to ask that."
Lilly shrugged her shoulders, "Sorry, I just wanted to like, make sure it wasn't Ashley making up lies or something like that."
"There's still an easier way to ask…" Rosie pleaded.
"What does it matter…?" Ally unlocked the stall and pushed the door open. Her cheeks were stained. "She was right. All I wanted was to blend in."
Lilly slammed her hand against the side of the stall and startled them all. "It's like you said. It doesn't matter. They're bullshit and everything that leaves their mouths is bullshit. I don't care if you don't have parents. That's not who you are."
"You're kind," Josie stepped in, trying to soften the blow, "Lilly's the only other person here who's stood up for us. Nobody cares to be nice to us..."
"People tell me all the time that I'm a bitch because I'm blunt," Lilly said. "We're the ones people turn their backs on." She pounded her fist now. "Don't let Ashley or anyone tell you that you're nothing. They're just scum—flaunt their money just because they can."
Rosie looked to the floor, "I…I'm sorry I didn't stand up for you. I wanted to, but I was…we were scared."
Ally looked at each of them, feeling a warm feeling flood her heart. "Th-thank you…"
"Listen, relax," Lilly said, "I know this school sucks. It doesn't get much better, but you don't need to worry so much about it anymore."
"Why's that?"
Lilly smiled. It was a nice smile. "I'm formally extending an invitation to join our club of outcasts."
Ally wiped her face, "This club…" she took in a breath. "…are the other members as…blunt as you are?" She was smiling too.
"You totally were going to say beautiful," Jace poked.
She eyed him fiercely. "Not. Now." Ally came dangerously close to shushing him outside of her mind, thanking the lord mentally that she didn't.
Jace's face contorted clown-like, "Okay, okay, I'll leave you to your thrilling life. I never was much for clubs myself." He was gone in a flash.
"Nah, it's just us," she said, "…if that doesn't scare you away." She extended her hand.
She looked from Lilly to the twins, both of them with nodding heads. "We would like to be friends with you…" Rosie said.
"Yeah you're pretty much a badass in our books." Josie said.
Ally nodded and took her hand. "I'd love that."
~…~
The rest of the day faded like a blur. People moved and talked, but Ally didn't pay much of any attention to it. I…have friends. It didn't feel real, and certainly not how she thought the day was going to go.
The next morning George dropped Ally off early for the morning breakfast program. She didn't eat at home because the nightmare she labored through stole away her appetite. The nightmare itself was a culmination of all the bad thoughts that dredged up in her mind—the dam had broken and they all came rushing through. Even though the day ended nice it didn't erase the stress she felt.
She dreamt that she was being eaten by the shadow of Ashley Evans...like Ashley was some powerful witch who commanded the shadow-like beast. She tried to fight it with her new friends, but it didn't work. In the end she was swallowed and it tore her awake with a cold sweat.
Dreams like that hadn't come to her in some time—it must have been at least four months now at this point. She'd think of her birth parents mostly. There weren't any memories associated with them, but she'd think constantly of what kind of people they must have been to leave their only child. Ally was assuming here that she was an only child because she couldn't bear to think that there was another they chose to ditch—or even worse, that she'd been picked as the one to leave behind.
It was selfish, but I deserve to be a little selfish.
She tried to imagine that there was a good reason why things turned out the way they did. Maybe her mother was an addict and she knew full well that Ally would have had a better life if she wasn't. Maybe she was poor and wished Ally would grow up in a better home. They all came back to the mother…she couldn't help but blame her mother. It wasn't right, her father must have had at least as much say in the decision, that was how things went.
But I was inside of my mother for nine months. She carried me, nurtured me that entire time, and then abandoned me. There might have been a reason, but no matter what that reason was it didn't help how she felt now. Her mind was just like that short story—she knew that thinking about her parents would only make her feel worse, but I just keep doing it. Maybe Ashley was right…I am just so unwanted. Maybe I am nothing…
No.
I am wanted. I am not nothing. I have worth.
The thoughts settled down eventually. Her heart began to settle, but it would take some time for her stomach to fully comply. George had noticed she didn't look too well, and even offered that she take the day to rest.
"No, no, that's fine," she waved it off. "I want to go."
"Okie dokie," he said. "Just make sure you grab something while you're there, okay?"
Lilly called her over that morning as she entered the cafeteria. She looked wide awake—more than anyone at half past five in the morning should have been. "Hey, there she is. Come on, we've got a table over here."
Ally did. "Hi," The thoughts from the night were nothing more than a remnant now, but she noted her lack of energy.
Jace yawned something fierce beside her. His head then fell and thwacked the table.
"Good morning," Rosie sat next to them both. They walked in just after Ally.
"Yeah relatively good morning," Josie yawned.
"Josie calls the mornings as they are," Lilly explained. So if she tells you good morning then you know it's really a good morning."
Ally chuckled. "Well then, relatively good morning to you both as well."
"Heh, go figure," Lilly said, looking around. "We're like the breakfast club or something." Lilly said.
"We're not in detention, though." Ally said.
"…I'm going to be honest I haven't seen it, I just assumed based on the title."
"It is a classic," Ally said.
"Is that the one with Judd Nelson?" Josie asked.
Ally shrugged her shoulders. "I don't know actor names. I only know it by writer. It's a Hughes film."
"Hughes?" Rosie asked.
"Such a weird thing to remember movies by…" Lilly said. "I couldn't tell you a single writer of any of my favorites," Lilly said.
"Writers are some of the most important parts," Ally said. "And Hughes as in John Hughes. You know, Home Alone? Beethoven? Sixteen Candles?"
"You watch some old movies," Lilly said.
"Like I said, they're classics," Ally shrugged.
"I did not realize they were all the same writer," Josie said.
"I wonder," Jace was awake and sitting in his own chair. "…if anybody will remember that you're my writer thirty years from now."
"I'd like to think so. It's a bit different with books…that is, assuming I do figure out your story."
"You've got it, no problem," Jace smiled.
"So, how do you two know each other?" Ally asked, interrupting Jace. "There's got to be a story there."
Lilly nodded. "I've been at this district since Kindergarten. I didn't have any friends. It isn't that noticeable when you're young like that, but I grew up. It became more obvious that people liked each other more than they liked me."
"We…we were home-schooled until the sixth grade," Josie said.
"Our parents weren't expecting twins," Rosie added.
"There were some obvious complications so it cost a pretty penny with the surgeries and regular appointments. It was a necessity, the homeschooling, until we recovered financially. Then we were able to come to Nasseu. Lilly was the first person who didn't treat us like we were some lab experiment."
"I'll admit, I was shocked at first," Lilly said. "But we shared almost every class and we got to know each other quick. They started coming to my volleyball games,"
"We're not in any extracurriculars so we had a lot of time to go visit. She also comes over to our house a lot, that's where we paint the most."
"You two paint?" Ally asked.
Rosie shook her head, "I just mostly make a mess of things. It's not my favorite thing,"
"We are a team," Josie stretched the sound out in a scolding fashion.
"They're very good," Lilly said. "You should see some of what they make. It's astounding."
"I'd love to," Ally said, nodding.
"Well, we're not that good."
"Oh buzz off," Lilly said, "I tell you this every single time."
"Well, we do share art together," Ally said. "Maybe I'll get to see some of your greatest hits there?"
Josie grinned, "That works."
"Okay," Lilly said, "We spilled our beans. It's your turn."
"I-If you're okay to," Rosie said.
"Yeah yeah blah blah blah," Lilly interrupted waving a hand. "As captain outcast I'm mandating that all beans be spilled at our breakfast table."
Ally looked at the three of them, nodded, and then took in a deep breath. "I never knew my parents. I feel that'd be the thing you had the most questions about." They listened, and it warmed her heart that they didn't interject. "I was bounced around different foster homes. A few months ago I was adopted by a couple who live here. They're really sweet." She smiled.
"Are they the ones who got you that ridiculous coat?" Lilly asked.
"Yes. It was sweet," Ally chuckled.
"You'd be having a heat stroke if you wore it today."
Ally knew she was right, it was going to be even hotter today. She'd be more thankful when it was weather appropriate, but she had to agree that for this morning the coat had to remain home.
"I read a lot. I haven't as much as of late because I need to find the library around here so I can start taking out some books. I also…" Jace was looking at her. "I also want to write…I mean, I guess I do write, but nothing solid yet."
"I guess that puts that peg in the hole," Lilly said.
"What?"
"Why you care so much about writers of movies."
"Oh…yeah."
"I think that's really cool," Rosie said, cocking her head.
"Cool? It's badass. We could make a really cool comic series." Lilly said, pounding her fist. "You two do the art and Ally writes the kick-ass plot."
"And what will you do?" Rosie asked.
"Direct, of course," she flashed them a smile.
"Of course," Ally repeated. She turned, "I mean I would…it sounds fun, but I don't even have any of my own ideas—just a character with no story."
"Oh, you have someone?" Josie asked.
"Go on, tell us all the details," Lilly prodded. "How handsome is he?"
"How do you know it's a he?" Rosie asked. "Very presumptuous of you."
Lilly grinned, "Oh trust me. It's a he."
Ally looked at her suspiciously, "He…is a he, but it isn't anything like that," she waved it off. "He's not my knight in shining armor or whatever."
"Rude," Jace said, crossing his arms.
"You don't have any armor. Nor are you a knight."
"Riiight," Lilly said.
Ally shook her head, "No, he's more like…everything about me that I like and nothing I don't."
"Okay, now I'm offended. I'm more than just a lame self-insert." Jace looked away in a tuss.
"What's his name?" Rosie asked.
"Jace, same hair color as me cut a bit shorter."
"Tall and handsome?" Josie asked.
"Well, I mean I feel like I answered that one already," she started to blush.
Jace clicked his tongue, "Dear god I am a self-insert…"
"Don't go crying on me now."
"Oh hush. You're perfect," Lilly said, waving a hand off to her. "Well maybe Jace can be our kick-ass star of the show."
"Well…"
"I like her," Jace elbowed Ally's side.
"Hush."
"Oh come ooooooon. It's not like you're using him for anything else at the moment. You said it yourself that you're having trouble thinking of things for him to do."
"Yeah…but…"
"Why don't we help you out?" She looked up to the twins. "Right?"
"We've never done anything like that before, I guess it could be fun," Josie said.
"I think it would be. I'd like to learn more about him," Rosie said, smiling.
Lilly turned back to Ally, "Well, how about it? We could really make something cool."
Ally looked at the both of them, and then to Jace who was now next to Lilly. He nodded. "Okay, yeah. Let's do it. My place after school tomorrow? I…don't have anything materials wise except for my notebook, so I—"
"Speak not," Lilly held her arms out. "Mama Lilly has got you covered." Lilly said, and then dropped the act. "I've got a shitload of paper at my house. We don't have to start working on it tomorrow—we could do some planning and then gather some supplies together."
"We've got plenty of art stuff we could bring," Josie said.
"I…you guys…"
"You'll have to show us the way the first few times," Lilly said. "I only really need to learn the first two or so times before I've got it memorized. After that it'll be like walking to my own house. Sounds like a plan?"
Ally nodded, "Yeah that should be fine. Thank you both again."
"Stop thanking us or we'll have to kick you out of the club," Lilly said. "You don't owe us anything." The morning bell for homeroom began to ring throughout the school. They all looked up and then at one another. "Time to go," Lilly said. "See you all in English."
~...~
After her second day of school under her belt—quieter than the first—Ally stepped out of the school building and saw George's beat up 98' Chevelle running right next to the sidewalk.
George was a used car guy (this was something Ally learned very quickly). He loved projects and despised having the work all done and tidied up for him. The Chevelle was the epitome of this fact. The car seemed to wheeze every time it started up. "It may be old," George said, "...but so am I, and I'm pretty reliable. So is the Chevelle."
Today though the Chevelle looked like it desperately wanted the sick day to recover. It sputtered and shook, but never any more than that. George drove it slow—Ally was more than fine with that. It gave her the chance to memorize the route from the school back to their house. First you take the left off the intersection then go all the way straight down Garrison Lane, past that is a Speedway which you'll take a left just before crossing over onto Huntington Drive. Take the first right and you're safe and sound onto Terry Ave. All in all it would be about...maybe a fifteen to twenty minute walk. That wasn't too bad to ask someone you'd only just met...right?
"Hey...George," Ally struck up as he'd parked right behind Jaclyn's 2017 Honda Civic.
"What's up?"
"Well, I think I made some friends today, and I was wondering if they could come over tomorrow. We were thinking of hanging out."
"Oh, that's amayzin'!" The way he kept the focus on the second syllable somewhat irked Ally, but she let it slide as he continued, "Yes that's lovely. We'd love to meet anybody you bring home—provided they're not dealing drugs or planning on—"
Ally shook her head, "No, nothing like that. Not at all, we're just going to be in my room."
"Ah, of course. Yes, that's a splendid idea. I'll bring it up to Jaclyn and we can make 'em a nice dinner tomorrow. Do you know if they like spaghetti? I could have her make that for—"
"Uh, I don't know if they do or not. I guess we can assume yes, pasta didn't really come up."
"Right, right, okay. I'll get started on that," he smiled and took the key out, moving out of his seat and stretching as he stood.
Ally unbuckled her seat belt and as she went to go open her door he was bending over looking inside, "Uh, so you did have a good day today, right?" He started. "I uh, I didn't ask you and I should have."
Ally nodded, "Yeah, it was a perfect day." She lied, but it wasn't to hurt him or Jaclyn. That mattered, right? Besides, it wasn't a full lie, she did enjoy parts of the day, that's gotta cheapen the lie just a little bit.
She opened the car door and the day began to fade to night. Dinner was served and she spent the night thinking about the day on an endless loop. Jace was nowhere to be seen—maybe he sensed that she wasn't really in the mood for any of his snide remarks. Sleep found her smally at first and then largely; dropping her into a world where a chunk of land rose off of the ground high above the clouds. Down below glowing lights formed a rainbow-like constellation. She smiled down below admiring the height of the world. All at once she was waking up, the night had passed and she felt like she barely slept a wink.
~...~
When the last school bell began to ring Ally gathered her books in her bag and stood up from her seat in music. Ms. Continello waved them off for the day with a hearty smile that could warm the soul of the most deranged of people. She was probably Ally's favorite teacher of the ones she's been introduced to thus far. She was genuinely nice and took time out of the down time in class to help those in the class that looked the most bored.
"Most of you won't be employed as musicians later in life, I understand that. I don't want to waste your time, but I know that each and every one of us is going to be able to enjoy music—however and whenever that may be. This class isn't going to be too much work if I'm going to be honest with you kids—Mr. Herondale doesn't want me saying that, but it's true. It'll only be hard work for those who are looking to seriously study music theory at a higher level. For the rest of you, I'm going to teach you how you can appreciate the music you hear every day. Who knows, maybe something you hear here will stick and down the road you'll think of me," she smiled sweetly as she finished.
Ally waved her back and stepped out of the room. She managed to find Lilly by the main office just down the hall.
"Rosie and Josie are on their way," Lilly said. "They've got their advanced math upstairs."
"Yikes," Ally said. "I can't stand math."
"Eh," Lilly shrugged. "I'm pretty good at it. I just don't care much for the extra work."
Ally chuckled, "It's all extra work, though. It's not like English or History where you can just give the answer and move on with your day."
"Fair point," Lilly gave in.
"What's a fair point?" Rosie asked, scratching her ear on her side while Josie looked at her.
"We're just talking about how math is annoying," Ally said.
"Nuh-uh, I only said what you thought was fair. I'm not picking sides," Lilly laughed.
"Nah, it's pretty bull," Josie said.
Rosie smacked her side, "You hush."
"You know it's true!" Josie replied.
"I don't see how you could know anything. You fell asleep like twice up there."
"Okay, okay," Lilly said, taking the both of their hands. "We can talk while we walk, no? I don't wanna be here any longer than we're legally required to be."
Ally looked at them and smiled. "Yeah, let's get moving. I'm not that far from here so it won't be long of a walk."
"Good enough to count it as my exercise for the day?" Josie asked.
"No, unfortunately not," Rosie said. "We'll have to work on that another time."
"Well, it'll be something," Ally said.
They stepped outside to the sun shining bright onto the ground. Lines of buses crowded the parking lot.
"At least it's nice out," Lilly stretched, "Bet you're glad you didn't bring that coat."
"Will you stop it with the coat already?" Ally laughed. "One day, I wore it for one day.
"Are you going to wear it when winter comes around?"
"Probably?" Ally said.
"I'll bother you about it then," Lilly winked.
"Trust me," Rosie began, "I know just how that feels. Our Mom knits and she's always making us hats and scarves."
"She practically guilts us into wearing them," Josie said. "Fine I guess in the winter, but she starts as soon as September drops and doesn't stop until June comes around."
"June...that's crazy," Ally said.
"Yeah, thankfully my parents have always let me wear what I want to," Lilly said, pointing to her own outfit. She wore a gray tank top with deep sides with shorts that ended halfway between her knees and her thighs.
Ally tried her hardest to drag her eyes back up to Lilly's, nodding and then turning back in front of her. "Yeah, you look good," she said. Thankfully, she didn't seem to think anything more on the comment.
"Yeah, I know," she laughed. "Nah, I could go for some more capris, but we've only got a few more weeks left of warm weather, so I'm just going to wait it out I guess."
"Your parents would probably still get them for you. They're wrapped around your finger," Josie said.
She laughed, "Only if you knew how much."
"My foster parents are nice enough," Ally said. "I probably could have come today without that coat, but I just felt bad is all."
"And that's your prime problem there, girlie," Lilly said. "Once you feel bad that's when the hook is set and all it will ever be. You gotta be heartless—fearless, a badass! A moving symbol of peace and—"
"Alright," Josie said, "Cut your shit," and she chuckled.
"Hey, I think this is me up that road," Ally said, pointing out.
"You think?" Rosie asked.
Ally put her hands up, "Hey, give me a break. I rode in and haven't walked home before. Just because it's a short way doesn't mean I immediately know it like the back of my hand."
"Well, we put our lives in your able hands, navigator. You're the one to lead us to—hey, wait a second," Lilly said. "Why don't we make Jason a navigator for...for a secret treasure?"
"Jace," Ally corrected.
"Oh, right, sorry," Lilly bit her tongue.
"It's fine. I think it's got some merit. Come here, this is the street. I'm up here on the left after this red one." She was pointing now and all of them saw it. In a flash she felt a nervousness creep into her body. She realized that a lot of people in school had been of upper class—Lilly herself even looked to be. She felt self-conscious about her foster parents' home being only middle class. It had two floors, sure, but she could see that there was some visual damage near the side of the house—something that didn't have much an impact on those inside, but to her outside now it felt like she introduced them to a half-crumpled abode.
"Looks nice," Lilly said, nodding.
"Yeah, really nice," Rosie said.
"I'd kill for a room a floor away from our parents," Josie said.
"You wouldn't kill for a floor, hun. Maim at best," Rosie laughed.
"Yeah, you're right. I'd go for ten floors if that were the choice," she chuckled back.
"Well, come on...oh, and I hope you guys like pasta," Ally said. "Jaclyn said she was going to be making her famous spaghetti tonight—that is, if you wanted to stay that long."
"Free food? Are you kidding? How could I ever say no to that?" Lilly said.
"Oh...are you sure that's okay? I don't want to be a burden on them..." Rosie said.
"Yes we do," Josie interrupted. "Pasta's the only thing behind a good pot roast in my eyes. I'm game."
"Excellent," Ally smiled, "Okay, come on in."