"Can we talk?"
"Sorry, I got no time for a chat," Jun timidly grabbed my sleeve while avoiding eye contact. At least he knows what I dislike about eye contact. We still have similarities, eyes shifting due to the anxiety to even talk. Saying so, I yanked my arm from his grip. It's not tighter than I anticipated. Has he become this weak?
"I just wanted to apologize," he lowly stated. I frowned as soon as I heard such statement.
"Apologize for what? For leaving me hanging? Of all times, why now?"
"Please, listen to me. It's about what my mom told you 3 years ago."
Aha. So that's what it is.
I knew what he meant behind those words. It's his mother, after all. I didn't understand why she was so desperate to push me away from him. I knew as soon as she acted so protective. But I knew what was wrong very well. I still couldn't point out the actual reason why she had to hurt me that way. Would it also explain his timid posture? He couldn't even look at me in the eye.
All I remember was that he wasn't like this before.
"You know you had so much time to explain to me before, yeah? About why she has to treat me like you don't deserve a friend like me?" He doesn't know how surprised I was when she told me to fuck off and accept the fact that I won't be able to stand close to him anymore.
"What my mom said was indeed insensitive. I am truly sorry. But that was far more complex than what I'm going to say..."
What? Wasn't that the real reason? What exactly was the truth?
"About our whole class...it was my mom's doing," He showed his usual wry smile, which reminds me of the old days. Unfortunately, it wasn't the same as before. I distanced myself after Jun's mother rejected me for giving him a visit. I have no idea what was inside her head to push me away from my only friend.
I thought of different reasons they were so secretive ever since I was a kid. But none of them gave me a proper answer, and only worry grew within me. I eventually gave up on caring.
But since it's Jun who kept me waiting for years, I couldn't let this slip by.
"You don't have to sweet-talk your way through me. Just take your time and tell me when you're ready. This hall isn't the right place for us to talk about this anyway," Looking at him from head to toe, he seemed like he was about to collapse.
"You look like you're about to faint. Wouldn't that be troublesome?" I shook my head as I turned my heel to go back to our classroom.
"Sorry..." Look at him apologizing again.
This conversation is ruining my mood even more. Also, Jun already gave me a hint—his mother lied to me, which is what he was trying to confess to me. If that was the case, the conclusion I came up with a few years ago, does that mean...there's something way worse in his current condition?
It is worrying me this much. God, this stress is making me age faster than I should be. I deserve a break from all this drama in my life.
"Then...let's talk after class. I'll treat you with some ramyeon if you want?"
"...Sure," And here goes his food offer. His face brightened when I accepted his offer. No matter how much his appearance changed, this side of him never fades. I guess it's alright. It's free food we're talking about, after all.
"But that doesn't mean I have forgiven you. You and your mom..." With that said, I left him there without giving another glance.
I don't really know how to solve this problem between us, but knowing the truth is enough for me to relieve my growing anxiety. It has been with me for years. It exhausted me greatly from a young age as an elementary student. It wasn't normal.
I only stopped caring when I ran out of faith in Jun. And that he'll tell me as soon as we meet. But when our eyes met that day, my legs moved on their own and walked away. Because deep inside, I am still blaming myself for what might've caused him to fall ill.
And now that we met again in this school...
Will the same thing repeat itself?
.
.
.
Weather Condition: Rainy
The rain began pouring as soon as I entered the classroom. Most of the students near the windows hurriedly pressed the buttons that completely shut them and tapped them again to alter the glass' transparency by making the scenery blurry. These buttons were very convenient to prevent us students from staring out of the window, to avoid any more distraction. Despite it being this useful, I still glance at the window out of boredom.
The rain is making me uncomfortable. I wonder why?
I glanced at Jun, not far from where I am seated. He's two seats away to my right. I can see his usual demeanor and he is as quiet as ever. Everyone, somehow, respected him and gave him space to avoid making him feel worse. I'm starting to think, could he be having cardiac problems?
Oh. And I just realized that.
Was I that stupid? Well, I guess it kind of makes sense. Why should we limit ourselves from calling him out? Also, why do we have to approach him carefully? and why do I have to stay away? His mom was so into exaggerating. There's no way he'll get a heart attack from those.
Noticing my gaze, Jun glanced at my way and smiled. And as an exchange, I frowned and turned the other way. I'm still upset and I can't really hide it. It took me years trying to think about the problem regarding his illness and was pushed away because my concern was said to be unnecessary. Because of that, I began to think that way in all of my life.
A few moments later, I heard Jun cough lightly. I immediately turned my attention to him while his seatmate inquired him if he was not feeling well.
"Are you alright..? Do you want to go to the clinic?" The guy next to him asked in concern as he patted Jun's back.
"N-No, I'm fine. Thank you for the concern," Jun stated with a pained smile.
"Is that so? Just tell me if you're feeling unwell. I can go tell the professor to excuse you," The seatmate lightly rubbed his back to reassure him. However, he began coughing continuously after that. It's getting worse the more he refuses to go and rest.
It's pissing me off.
"I told you to go. Stop being so stubborn..."
"No, I'll be fine. Just don't mind me—" Jun continuously shook his head, refusing to trouble him. I think it's becoming the opposite now.
"How should I not—"
COUGH COUGH.
cOuGh
cOuGh...!
He coughed uncontrollably as the whole class looked at him with worry in their eyes while the others were bothered. Their eyes often give him the look of pity.
It's irksome. How long is this guy going to refuse?
"Stop being hardheaded and get going already. Do you wanna die?"
"Yoona...!" Yeoryeong shook her head as she furrowed her brows. It was a warning for me not to say something harsh carelessly. I sighed, annoyed that I couldn't give him a piece of mind. Although, it is true that it might get out of hand if I speak further than that. So, I backed off and crossed my arms.
"...Go and drag him out already. He won't object once you get there," I added.
"Jun...come on, let's get you the clinic." To support his frail body, he called for another help, just in case he let go of their grip and get them not to worry about his condition. He's such a stubborn kid who wants to act strong no matter what happens. That side of him is what I dislike as well.
Just as when Jun stood up from his chair, he began to cough once again. But this time...it sounded odd and heavy to take. Something fell from his lips and gently swayed in the air as it landed on the classroom's smooth floor.
"J...Jun is that...?"
"Dude, what is that?"
Everyone witnessed it from his view, froze in place, and shared the same reaction. I couldn't see it from here, but I saw the thing that fell. It was two-pointed and curved. A familiar substance I discovered in other stores within the city.
It's...a flower petal. It's something I often see in books.
"Myo...sotis petal?" Bomi fixed her glasses after assuming what type of flower it was by just looking at the petal.
"Ha...I've been caught," Jun chuckled wryly as his weak shoulders trembled. We all exchanged looks and questioned what we just witnessed today. It was peculiar. Bizarre. It seemed like a prank that many would rather laugh about it. But how are we supposed to laugh at this situation if he just coughed out something unnatural?
"Jun—"
"...What the hell are you hiding from us?"
The room went cold when I said the question we've been itching to ask, only for him to reply with another pained apology.