Starting the day out right with a morning jog with my best friend Alex. Two totally different people but almost exactly the same in looks. We usually finish jogging in 15 mins but today we both had the energy and finished in 8 minutes, high fiving each other we take a second to catch our breathe and take a seat on the bench that's obviously calling out to me. Still out of breathe by the time I sit down I slowly start to relax. I look at Alex and she looks at me and we smile at each other.
"So how's your dating life going?"
Alex asks me without a hint of regret, knowing my dating history already, but I can't help but crack a smile at her, she's a character when it comes to these thing I swear by it but I shake my head to clear my mind, in complete honesty i look her straight in the eyes.
"I don't have anyone and neither have i been seeing anyone, you know how i feel about men"
Alex looks away, almost giving way for me to see she's sorry or embarrassed she asked despite knowing the answer already. She recovers quickly and continues.
"You know, I think if you would-"
I cut her off, not to be rude but I just don't want to hear her opinion today about how I should be.
"I don't care if I should be a certain way in your opinion, to obtain or get a man for myself, I don't need to change anything about myself to conform to others, I'm sorry but that's how it is for me"
There's a small stretch of silence, before even I'd say three minutes pass and she sparks back up like she usually does.
"Well I'll say my piece anyways, it's good to be yourself but sometimes changing for others isn't to appeal to them or make you desirable, it's because you change for someone else willing to make their life and your life better not just for the benefit of one person and if it doesn't work out and things come to an end well you can look at it like this and say that they made you a better first for someone else"
I look at her in complete and utter shock, I'll admit she has a fine ass point there, and also the fact that she dumbfounded me. I mean I do think the same way but saying it out loud for me is hard because I'm stubborn but maybe she's right, with the right person I could be completely different. The feeling of starting over with someone new is just alot of work and nothing I look forward to doing, in high school yeah it's easy but the older you get the more you come to realize that it's about personality and their habits wither healthy or unhealthy, red flags, green flags, fighting, arguing, understanding, compromising, empathy, sharing, no secrets, trust, respect, mutual equality.
"You have a point, I agree but it's alot of work and sometimes all that work you put into a relationship falls apart for reasons, maybe their not suited best for you, I just want to tell you that I'm waiting for the right person, not sure who that is, when it will happen but regardless...it's all about how you feel and if they feel that same way back, not where your falling too fast for each other and it ruins the relationship"
It was Alex's turn to look shocked at me. I meant what I said, I'm tired of childish games, I'm tired of men thinking they can get away with shit, I took classes to find out if someone was lying, if someone was hiding something from me or if they were doing things they know they shouldn't. I have anxiety because of my last relationship which ended 4 years ago, I just don't want something like that to happen again.
Alex stands up and turns to face me while stretching.
"Well it's getting late, the sun is setting so we should get home, my boyfriend is waiting for me"
I make a gagging sound and she stares at me and winks. which makes me want to vomit even more now, gross, I could have gone without knowing that shit. after saying our goodbyes and planning our next meet up day we jog off in opposite directions. I walked all the way to the park for a jog because the weather was nice and cool.
Walking back towards my house following the flow of weaving in and out of people so I can get home faster along with a growling stomach. So suddenly I'm knocked over by something moving way too fast for my vision to register what the thing even was, I look around from where I fell on the ground and start getting back up, I take another look around, everyone else just keeps walking, did they not see what the hell just happened??
I shake my head start walking again, I swear I'm hallucinating, maybe I'm too dehydrated and I'm losing my mind, walking home was peaceful once more after that weird incident. Once i make it into the house, I head straight for the kitchen fridge. Taking out some spaghetti from last nice I put it into a bowl and pop it into the microwave and wait hungrily.
When it finally beeps I take it out, super hot on my fingers I quickly put it on the counter and blow on my fingers, I know right, carbs after jogging. Digging into my bowl of spaghetti it was the best damn thing for this moment today. After eating I quickly get dressed for bed.