Early Saturday morning, I began cleaning the apartment for my mother's arrival. By now she was probably halfway through the long drive, meaning that I only had two hours to vacuum and wipe down the counters.
I pull the curtains to the side of the windows and hook them open so more natural light can be let inside, brightening the apartment from the old dust. Next, I plug in the vacuum to a power outlet and spend the next hour getting rid of all the dirt in the places that hadn't been cleaned in a while.
I wiped down the counters, the table and made my bed the same way I had been doing it for years. I reorganised my bookshelf even though I didn't need to and even with spare time left, I did some laundry and ironing.
I looked at the watch on my wrist, a gift from Mark when I was sixteen, and noticed that the two hours still hadn't given up yet.
I enter my room once more, the smell of cleanness and soap in the air making me inhale an extra breath for my own pleasure. I hop on my bed and open my laptop to watch a few of my favourite TED Talks.
It was a hobby of mine when I felt like watching something other than Netflix, which was often. There was one about part of the brain, personal growth, adapting to situations and even one about history that I clicked on my accident and ended up enjoying it in the end.
I was halfway through another one of my episodes when my mother began calling me. She sounded so excited on the phone, which was something that didn't happen very often.
I pick up and put the phone to my ear after pausing my video and shutting the laptop.
"I'm parked down the street, come and meet me! I have a surprise!"
Instantly I am brought smiles upon my face, my own happiness caused by her mere tone.
"Okay I'm on my way down now."
I walk across the apartment with haste, the whole way down the building wondering what she could surprise me with. She never did surprises, so my curiosity jumped off the walls as to what it could be.
When I reached outside I looked down the road where she had told me to go and spot her a few cars behind mine. She spotted me almost instantly as I came towards her caramel coloured eyes.
"Hi!" She squealed, pulling me into one of her tight hugs. "I missed you!" She mumbles into my hair.
"I've missed you too." I laugh, hugging her body back with just as much intensity. "How are you? How was the drive?"
"All great! I can't believe I'm hugging you again!" She squeezes me tighter as if it had been months since we last saw each other.
"Mom, it's only been two weeks." I giggle, pulling away enough so I could see the mascara on her face beginning to run alongside the tears.
"Two weeks too long!" She ran her hands up and down both my arms creating quiet warmth.
"Mom..." I take her hands in mine with an appreciative smile. "I'm in college now... I won't be seeing you for long periods of time, and you can't be driving five hours just to see me all the time. It's not good for you." She swats me away with her hand and rolls her eyes dramatically.
"Stop worrying about me! I'm fine!" She grins, a little of her pink lipstick smudged on her front teeth. "Now, come see!" She pulls me by the sleeve over to the backseat of her car and opens the door.
For a moment I am confused as to what I am staring at but then she picks it up and holds it against her body, revealing to me what exactly she was gifting me.
"It's a poncho!" She laughs with a gleaming smile. "Do you like it?" She pushes the big fabric to me. "I made it, some girls at the rehab taught me how to do it a few years ago and I thought I forgot how to do them, but look at me go! Isn't it wonderful!"
I smile at her and nod proudly.
"It is. Thank you so much." I hug her again.
"Now I know ponchos aren't really in style right now so you don't have to wear it. But when they come back, you'll be wearing the prettiest one!" She closes the door and locks the car.
We begin walking back to the apartment in linked arms and the poncho in the other. The brown colour was matched with a red and blue yarn, and there were strings hanging at the end. I knew it wasn't exactly my style, but I didn't mind because she had made it for me.
"How has Mark been?" I let her into the apartment first and, like I did, inhaled the lavender scented soap in the rooms.
"He's been really great. He wanted to come today but work didn't let him go. Now that he got promoted recently, he has double the workload which means working on the weekends." She drops her bag on the table and shrugs off her coat. "I love what you've done with the place, Emma. It smells so good!" She inhales again, obsessed with the smell just as much as I am.
"I cleaned and did some laundry." I told her and stood next to her after I had put the poncho in my bedroom.
"You're too responsible. You put me to shame." She jokes and I crack a weak smile that she notices. "Emma, you worry about me far much. I should be taking care of you, not the other way around."
"I know, I'm just making sure you're okay..."
Her hands settle on both of my cheeks, her thumb caressing the skin in the most motherly way she knew.
"I am okay. I have been okay for a long time now, and you're still so overprotective of me. Let me mother you, please." Her teeth split through her tugged lips.
"Okay..." I smile, a little wider now.
"So! Tell me all the things! I want to know everything about college and your friends!"
She takes a seat on the table and makes herself comfortable. I followed after her, doing the same and sitting across from her.
"Well, classes have been great so far. Campus is huge so I'm still getting used to the layout but I'm slowly finding my way." My mother pulls her brown hair into a bun. "Myra hasn't really been home too often, which means I usually have this place to myself on nights. William, the friend that I mentioned to you last week, has actually been really great to me too. We've been studying together almost every day after class. I think you'd really like him." She smiles. "On weekends, I usually spend them here alone eating homemade food and studying. It's simple, really."
"That sounds so amazing, honey. I'm glad you're making your own place in the world, getting somewhere with your life. I'm really proud of you, you know." She puts her hands together and intertwines her fingers. The bright pink nail polish standing out against her pale, porcelain-like skin.
"Mom?" I get her attention. "I met up with dad on Sunday. I actually met up with him at a coffee shop." She swallowed and I noticed the way her throat jumped.
"How did it go? Was he cordial? Did he do something?"
"It went... surprisingly well considering our situation. We talked, we really talked and he explained some things to me. I was mad at first, but I guess I understand. I have to, because I want to give him a chance. So he invited me to his house." My mother nodded in acceptance. "I'm going to meet his wife, Barbara, and his son, Gabriel."
"I'm glad it went well between you two." Her smile faltered for a minute as she thought. "Do you know if he... did he... did he ask about me?" Her thinly plucked brows raised in what resembled hope.
"Mom... don't go there." Her shoulders slumped in the chair she sat in. She knew just as well as I did that if I told her that he had asked about her, she would have gotten her hopes up for nothing. To this day I think a part of her always hoped that he would come back. I knew this because she always kept one photo of him in the bottom draw of her bedside table. She would always look at it before going to bed and it got to a point where she hurt so bad, it led to something I will never forget about.
"I'm sorry. Let's talk about something else!" She beamed again.
We spent the rest of the afternoon catching up and the next couple of days doing the activities we would have normally been doing if I were still at home. We had fun the entire time she was there, and that was something I needed after so much studying and time in classes. We went from eating, to watching movies and discussing everything that was going on back home. I made sure that when she was leaving I checked her purse. I knew I shouldn't have been snooping but I had to make sure that her pills were there. Sometimes, she refused to take them, which led to some sort of melancholy where she would reach below rock bottom.
"I have a full packet, Emma, and two more at home. You don't need to be snooping like a racoon." She rubs my arm again and closes her purse.
"I'm sorry." I say, dejectedly. "I just have to worry about you, mom. I'm not home anymore and I get really scared that you..." I trail off as she held me in a tight hug.
"I know, sweetheart... I know." She pushed my hair behind my shoulders. "But I'm better. You know I am." I did, but that never stopped me from worrying.
When she waved me her goodbye from the car, she left with a large smile and like last time, a few tears. I had missed spending time with her like this. She never made me feel alone or like I didn't fit in. For purely that reason, I always felt like even though she had issues with her health and the distance we had now, she would always be there.
***
"Myra!" Lars shouted down the hallway of the apartment.
"You're early!" She shouted back and came towards Lars, running. She jumped into his arms in a hug as if they didn't just see each other yesterday.
"We have to be quiet." Myra laughed, covering her mouth.
"Why?" He protested loudly with a smile.
"Emma is studying." She smacked him across the chest with a playful hand.
"Oh, shit. Sorry." He whispered and straight after, I heard her giggle.
Minutes after, when I thought they had left to go somewhere Myra entered my room with wide, happy eyes.
"Hi." She grinned.
"Hey," I faced her while shutting my book.
"I wanted to let you know that in a few hours we're getting picked up for a party. You have the apartment to yourself."
"It's a Wednesday night." I inform her in case she might have forgotten.
"On Wednesdays the frat house has really big parties. They're similar to Friday parties but they do this thing with the alcohol..." She licks her lips. "It's definitely worth the hangover!" She nudges my arm as an invitation of some sort but I shake my head, kindly rejecting her offer.
"I'll get you to come to one of these one day." She squints her eyes at me.
"Keep dreaming." I joke in return and focus back to my laptop where I was finishing up a writing assignment.