Chereads / I Want What Destroys Me / Chapter 27 - THERE MUST BE SOMETHING.

Chapter 27 - THERE MUST BE SOMETHING.

Down at the parlor, I asked her to sit on one of the chairs near the fireplace and wait while I "supposedly" went to grab my "sketches". In reality, however, I slithered just behind the bookshelves, away from Dominique's eyes and ears, and began conjuring the demon on a fast, unscrupulous nerve.

The ritual with a host differed from the one without. You want to use specific tools for a specific rite to make shit work. And have your intentions straight!

Numsayin?

With that in mind, I had to scribble Asmodeus's sigil with a piece of chalk, then prickle my finger and rub blood against the wood were I drew. Then I had to chant the prayer (as quietly as I could), say his name and โ€” most importantly โ€” the name of the host he was to possess.

"๐˜‹๐˜ฐ๐˜ฎ๐˜ช๐˜ฏ๐˜ช๐˜ฒ๐˜ถ๐˜ฆโ€ฆher name is ๐˜‹๐˜ฐ๐˜ฎ๐˜ช๐˜ฏ๐˜ช๐˜ฒ๐˜ถ๐˜ฆ," I whispered into thin air, squeezing bloody pearls from my purple finger and rubbing them aggressively against his lime symbol like an utter lunatic. "She is sitting on the chair. Near fire. Near the fig plant. A nun. ๐˜‹๐˜ฐ๐˜ฎ๐˜ช๐˜ฏ๐˜ช๐˜ฒ๐˜ถ๐˜ฆ. She is your vessel. Take her."

It is now that I am ashamed of what horror I had committed back then. But ๐˜ฃ๐˜ข๐˜ค๐˜ฌ ๐˜ต๐˜ฉ๐˜ฆ๐˜ฏ, young and desperate and so impossibly selfish, I'd sacrifice others like they were oblatory coins you throw into fountains for good luck in the name of my own benefit.

I peaked at the girl through the bookshelf, trying to see if anything about her had changed, but she seemed her usual self, sat on that fucking chair erect and excited like an energizer bunny.

I frowned, walked out to join her.

"So!" I flopped on the opposite chair, a tiny table between us, studying her eyes for darkness. ๐˜•๐˜ฐ๐˜ฑ๐˜ฆ. ๐˜š๐˜ต๐˜ช๐˜ญ๐˜ญ ๐˜ฃ๐˜ณ๐˜ฐ๐˜ธ๐˜ฏ.

"So?" She smiled. "Did you bring the sketches? I can't wait to see them!"

๐˜‹๐˜ข๐˜ฎ๐˜ฏ ๐˜ช๐˜ต! ๐˜ž๐˜ฉ๐˜บ ๐˜ช๐˜ด๐˜ฏ'๐˜ต ๐˜ช๐˜ต ๐˜ธ๐˜ฐ๐˜ณ๐˜ฌ๐˜ช๐˜ฏ๐˜จ? "Actually, umโ€ฆI couldn't find them. Not sure where I placed them," I responded, gaze involuntarily fierce on the woman in front of me.

๐˜ž๐˜ฉ๐˜บ ๐˜ข๐˜ณ๐˜ฆ๐˜ฏ'๐˜ต ๐˜บ๐˜ฐ๐˜ถ ๐˜ค๐˜ฐ๐˜ฎ๐˜ช๐˜ฏ๐˜จ?

"Awwโ€ฆthat's too bad." She remarked.

"Wellโ€”I remember roughly what I'd sketched. I can describeโ€ฆ?" I suggested, hoping to win more time.

She clapped her hands again. Her aggressive joy never faltered. "Perfect! Tell me."

I shifted on my seat, pretty disappointed with the demon's absence, considering he always responded to my calls.

"So I was thinkingโ€ฆ" I drawled. ๐˜๐˜ถ๐˜ค๐˜ฌ๐˜ช๐˜ฏ๐˜จ ๐˜ˆ. Now I had to pull out nonexistent ideas from my uninventive brain. "What if we, umโ€ฆumโ€ฆmake flower arrangements? Similar to the wreath that you've drawn on your greeting card. Imagine, a few of those on the walls, sayโ€ฆhere and there," โ€” I pointed to whatever walls my eyes saw first โ€” "would ๐˜ด๐˜ค๐˜ณ๐˜ฆ๐˜ข๐˜ฎ spring time. And we could tie ribbons into bows or some other cute shapes. Likeโ€”over there, maybe? To make it stand out more? What do you think?"

Dominique considered, lips slowly pursing, forehead slowly wrinkling, eyes narrowing ever-so-slightly. Then she replied, "I think you have exceeded my expectations, sweet Eve." She clapped her hands, but not joyfully, no. This time her monotone claps sounded emphatically heavy, sneering. "๐˜‰๐˜ณ๐˜ข๐˜ท๐˜ฐ."

My eyes bulged in surprise. Then it dawned on me and I heaved a sigh of relief. ๐˜๐˜ช๐˜ฏ๐˜ข๐˜ญ๐˜ญ๐˜บ.

"What took you so long?" I spat, more relaxed, now that it had worked.

"Your miserable offering." She spat right back. "I want more blood."

"I was in a rushโ€ฆ" I said.

"To fuck, I'd venture to say?"

"What?"

"T. O. F. U. C. K." Her laughing lips took form of every letter. "Why else gamble on this creature's body to incarnate the ๐˜ฌ๐˜ช๐˜ฏ๐˜จ ๐˜ฐ๐˜ง ๐˜ญ๐˜ถ๐˜ด๐˜ต? Are you that horny?"

"You donโ€”That's not why I've summoned you. I need to speak."

"Even worse." She raised a brow. "She'll kick the bucket soon enough because of your running mouth. Relentless indeed. And ๐˜ฐ๐˜ฉ, how greedy! Ay, yay, yay, yayโ€ฆsister. How impossibly greedy of youโ€ฆhm." Her cheeks lifted with mirth. "While I suck on scarce droplets of blood, you bathe in whole rivers of it."

"Wait, wait. What do you mean? What, you're saying she'll die? Why die?" I felt panic accelerating my heart as I stared at the warm brown eyes that gradually grew cold and dark. "We won't be doing anything to exhaust her body, right? We'll just be talking. Can't you just let this one slide?"

"Let me enlighten your ignorance on one simple fact. ๐˜•๐˜ฐ earth-born son, or daughter, can hold a god inside of their mortal girth, let alone a human ๐˜ต๐˜ฉ๐˜ช๐˜ด weak. Whether we lust on her body or not, it won't matter. Her creator had already made her feeble."

"But what about all those poor children you possess? What about them?!"

"They live ๐˜ช๐˜ง! Mister Benevolence is in the mood to wipe my dirt off of their baby buttsโ€ฆ" her chuckling was the faintest. "But I cannot account for his Majesty's actions. You know how he isโ€ฆOne day โ€“ a rainbow. Next day โ€“ a flood." A wicked grin.

"But-but Dominiqueโ€”"

"๐˜๐˜ฐ๐˜ธ๐˜ฆ๐˜ท๐˜ฆ๐˜ณ!" She cut me off. "Curious proposition, Gen. Slide, you say? Hmmmmmmmmmโ€ฆ.depends. I ๐˜ค๐˜ฐ๐˜ถ๐˜ญ๐˜ฅ let her ๐˜ด๐˜ญ๐˜ช๐˜ฅ๐˜ฆโ€ฆthat is, if one of you pays for ๐˜บ๐˜ฐ๐˜ถ๐˜ณ recklessness. It is not che-e-e-ap," she stretched gleefully, "but I'm willing to bargain. Whichever route you please to choose, I'm game."

"What's the price."

"I never change my currency."

"Time?"

"Time."

"I'll pay."

"How generous." She bared her teeth. "Deal." Her eyes gave out a scary sparkle, again, as if marking my words. "So, ๐˜ด๐˜ญ๐˜ข๐˜ท๐˜ฆ." She mocked. "Why am I here, in this pitiable, perishable form?"

"I need to speak to you." I responded.

"Women just cannot shut up, can theyโ€ฆ" Dominique puzzled.

I shook my head. "No, you don't get it. I'm going through a lot and I need toโ€”uhhhhโ€ฆI don't know what to do. What should I do? Should I talk to her? Or should I hint and let her figure out the rest? Or should I just leave everything as is and not stir the pot? I don't know what or who to believe anymore. If what you say is true thenโ€ฆthenโ€ฆ๐˜ต๐˜ธ๐˜ฆ๐˜ฏ๐˜ต๐˜บ-๐˜ฐ๐˜ฏ๐˜ฆ ๐˜บ๐˜ฆ๐˜ข๐˜ณ๐˜ด ๐˜ฐ๐˜ง ๐˜ญ๐˜ช๐˜ฆ๐˜ด?" My head shook in denial. "It's unheard of! Do you understand? Do you comprehend what I'm going through? I'm lost. And confused. Andโ€”I'mโ€”fucking scared, okay?"

Dominique grinned. "Would you look at thatโ€ฆ" her plain, miniature fingers drummed against the table. "My little rat needs a therapist."

"So what if I do?"

"Then seek one. This wretched place is swarming with sympathetic pests. Any one of them will gladly lend an ear to your pitiful self. Even this unfortunate soul," โ€” pointing at Dominique's chest โ€” "could do just fine at tolerating your whining."

"She won't do. No one will. There is no one here who I can really speak to. None of them feel close, like, like someone I can trust and open my heart to. Youโ€”" I paused, staring into now familiar, pitch-black eyes of Asmodeus. Sadly, and I mean it โ€“ sadly โ€“ he felt the closest. Closer than mother and father. Closer even than Val. And I thought to myself, ๐˜ช๐˜ง ๐˜ ๐˜ธ๐˜ข๐˜ด ๐˜ต๐˜ฐ ๐˜ฐ๐˜ฑ๐˜ฆ๐˜ฏ ๐˜ถ๐˜ฑ ๐˜ฎ๐˜บ ๐˜ฉ๐˜ฆ๐˜ข๐˜ณ๐˜ต ๐˜ต๐˜ฐ ๐˜ข๐˜ฏ๐˜บ๐˜ฐ๐˜ฏ๐˜ฆ, ๐˜ช๐˜ต ๐˜ธ๐˜ฐ๐˜ถ๐˜ญ๐˜ฅ, ๐˜ด๐˜ข๐˜ฅ๐˜ญ๐˜บ, ๐˜ฃ๐˜ฆ ๐˜ฉ๐˜ช๐˜ฎ. "You're the only family I have."

Dominique's squared face soured, a grimace of pure humiliation, nose wrinkling in disgust, lips twisting in disdain. Now I was looking at the demon, for Dominique could never fold her wrinkles in such an abhorred way. "How dare you say these words to me, mortal."

"But it'sโ€”"

"Do not," she snarled over my voice, "blend me with your unworthy kind."

I was only intimidated by her growling for a moment before a wave of cold rage washed over me.

"๐˜ ๐˜ฐ๐˜ถ ๐˜ข๐˜ณ๐˜ฆ ๐˜ต๐˜ฉ๐˜ฆ ๐˜ฐ๐˜ฏ๐˜ญ๐˜บ ๐˜ง๐˜ข๐˜ฎ๐˜ช๐˜ญ๐˜บ ๐˜ ๐˜ฉ๐˜ข๐˜ท๐˜ฆ." I declared acidly just to piss Asmodeus off.

Dominique's jaws tightened, teeth grinding scornfully slow.

"Do not provoke me, insect." She uttered.

"Me?" I furrowed. "I am the provoked one here. All these mind games. This 'your mother is not your mother' bullshit. Thanks to you now I feel like I have no family. It was a shitty family, I admit, but it was mine. And now ๐˜ธ๐˜ฉ๐˜ข๐˜ต do I have? Besides you โ€”Fucking. Nothing. So you don't get to shut me up, Asmodeus, when I'm calling ๐˜ง๐˜ฐ๐˜ณ you or ๐˜ค๐˜ข๐˜ญ๐˜ญ๐˜ช๐˜ฏ๐˜จ you my family."

We glared at each other wordlessly, human and inhuman eyes sharing reciprocal hate.

"I've called you here not out of my 'insatiable horniness' but for support andโ€ฆ" my train of thought faltered momentarily to Dominique's still drumming fingers and her disgusted countenance that gradually turned to indifference โ€” "and to gain peace. And I know damn well you can give it to me. If you can so easily point to a random woman and call her ๐˜ฎ๐˜บ ๐˜ง๐˜ถ๐˜ค๐˜ฌ๐˜ช๐˜ฏ๐˜จ ๐˜ฎ๐˜ฐ๐˜ต๐˜ฉ๐˜ฆ๐˜ณ, I am sure you can just as easily explain ๐˜ฉ๐˜ฐ๐˜ธ this "probability" even occurred." I stared at Dominique assertively. "๐˜ ๐˜ฏ๐˜ฆ๐˜ฆ๐˜ฅ ๐˜ข๐˜ฏ๐˜ด๐˜ธ๐˜ฆ๐˜ณ๐˜ด, Asmodeus. So it's easier for me to approach her and settle this 'mother' crap for good."

"You know what I'm thinking, little rat?" Dominique's face appeared rather pensive now, matching perfectly those ever drumming fingers. "If you were not such a pant-shitter, you would have all the answers you so crave laying before you right this second, opened wide like the legs of a prostitute. But no. Your cowardly ass needs a pep-talk to act."

"Yes, yes! I ๐˜ข๐˜ฎ a fucking coward ๐˜ด๐˜ฐ ๐˜ธ๐˜ฉ๐˜ข๐˜ต!" I blew out each word on hot breaths, blood reaching boiling point. "If you're incapable of support, then at the very least tell me what to do, dammit! ๐˜ž๐˜ฉ๐˜ข๐˜ต ๐˜ฅ๐˜ฐ ๐˜ ๐˜ฅ๐˜ฐ?!"

"Past, you blind fool." She replied calmly. "Past is the future. As above โ€” so below. If you want to grow roots of a new family, first pull the weeds in the soil of the one you have known. Think, Genevieve." Her mouth produced a sound. ๐˜—๐˜ฐ๐˜ฑ. Once. Twice. ๐˜—๐˜ฐ๐˜ฑ. ๐˜—๐˜ฐ๐˜ฑ. Mirth twinkling in her sick-black eyes. "Dig further. Dive deeper. Fall right into the abyss of your memories. The darker โ€” the better. There must be something on that very bottom of your past that had made you fear the future and question ๐˜ธ๐˜ฉ๐˜ฐ and ๐˜ธ๐˜ฉ๐˜บ. Tie black and white. Do your math for once."

"My past? What about it? What does it haveโ€”" I halted. Frowned. "My pastโ€ฆ?" I gawked at the nun. "Yeahโ€ฆ" something was forming in that head of mine. Something was emerging. "Oh shit. There ๐˜ช๐˜ด somethingโ€ฆ"