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(A/N: Not Bernard)
I was born in darkness.
The kind of darkness that you wish will eat you up and just be done with it.
This darkness was the absence of light. Literal light.
I was not sure whether the darkness was just so thick that I couldn't feel or see my body or if I didn't have one, to begin with.
At first, I felt nothing. It was the norm. The darkness was my home so I accepted my eternity within it.
Then as time passed, I started to feel something deep within me.
Hunger.
It was a natural instinct. I needed to feed.
I questioned myself if I should eat. If I did what then? I was stuck here. I couldn't move or rather I didn't know if I could move.
There was nothing to eat.
I gave up and remained the way I had always been. Staring at the vast darkness.
But the Hunger wouldn't leave me alone.
It was an annoying pinch at first, a piercing pain next and then unbearable agony.
Because of the Hunger, I felt that I had a body. It taught me that I had a body. That I could live.
But there was still nothing I could do. I was stuck in the pitch-black darkness, with my only friend, Hunger.
I had never eaten before, but Hunger taught me that I could eat. He taught me that I had limbs and a skinny body. The burning sensation spread throughout my body, screaming for me to feed.
Hunger made my plain life in the infinite darkness lively and horrifying. There was no passage of time, every moment, every second was a moment that I wished and yelled inwardly for the darkness that birthed me to put me out of my misery.
I thought perhaps I would get used to Hunger"s company, but he kept calling to me even when I tried to get used to his voice.
I hated him.
I had taken my life, floating in the darkness for granted, and now I was left with an unwelcome guest.
My body ached and started to shrink. It was excruciatingly painful and happened slowly.
My limbs sank into my body, bit by bit and I became a sphere.
Nothing changed.
I was driven to madness. I cursed who or what had created me. If it was chance that made me, then I cursed it even more.
After an eternity of the pain, I saw a small hole in the distance. It emitted a dazzling array of lights. It was beautiful. I was drawn to it.
A gigantic mass of light was swallowed from the hole only to be absorbed into the infinite darkness.
The hole began to close.
I was scared.
No, I had to reach for that hole. That opening emitted the beautiful light.
I moved my round body fast. I could finally see a destination, a hope.
I couldn't let it slip out of my hands. Even Hunger gave me the strength to speed through the darkness to reach the hole.
With my speed, I made it just in the nick of time and passed through into a vast space.
It was... magnificent!
I saw a myriad of colours dancing in the distance, trillions of little lights sparkling in the far distance, larger spherical bodies of different sizes decorating the space.
It was heaven. It was beautiful. I felt an emotion of joy and wonder for the first time. Even Hunger couldn't bother me at this time. I was happy.
I set out to move, but I felt a tremendous pull from behind me.
What?!
I turned back and I saw a large pitch-black void covering my vision. It was silent and constant, but I felt its pull.
It was calling me home.
No! Please! Let me go!
My mind was in a mess. I had escaped and now I was being pulled back. Someone help me!
No one came. No one cared.
The lights in the space stared at me without care. The large bodies didn't spare me a glance.
I was heartbroken. Was this the beauty I saw? Why won't you help? Please! You don't know what it is like in there!
HELP ME!
No one did!
I was sucked back into the infinite darkness.
Rage. Helpless. Madness.
I cried.
My old friend returned and haunted me again.
Hunger.
He kept growing, threatening to make me collapse into myself from the sheer degree of unbearable pain, while the pitch-black void watched.
And like that, my life continued.
Was I immortal? What had I ever done to deserve this? Why are you keeping me here, dear Void? At least take the Hunger away, and I will gladly stay with you for all eternity.
No one answered. Just the deep silence and deep darkness that stared back at me.
I suffered.
Once more, a hole opened.
This time I didn't hesitate. After another mass of glaring light was swallowed, I sped to the hole and exited the darkness.
I did not stop.
I fled.
However, the void pulled me back.
No! I won't!
I fought. With all my strength, with all my bring. I can't go back there! I refuse!
I pushed with all my might, yet I was still being drawn in.
NOOOOOO!!!!!
This time, a burning sensation overtook my figure, making me bear a staggering amount of pain beyond what I had already known.
This pain was enough to kill me!
Yes! Better death than going back into the void! Take me, Hunger!
I did not die.
I burst out of the strong pull and escaped the clutches of the Void.
I kept going without looking back. I feared that if I turned back, I'd see that endless black that stared deep into me.
After what felt like an endless thread of time, I finally stopped.
I turned back hesitantly and I saw that the pitch-black void.... was no more.
I was happy. I was overjoyed. I swirled around in excitement. I no longer need to stay in that hellish void.
I looked at the twinkling stars again, this time I was not enthralled by their beauty. I was enraged.
They saw me suffer and did nothing. They watched as I was tortured in the void.
Hunger pulsed in me. He told me that if I was to feed on them, he would leave me alone.
He told me that if ate them, I would never be sad again and he would stop calling me.
I tried to refuse, but Hunger insisted.
With the dreadful pain on my back, I traversed the light-years to reach the first light.
It was a large ball of burning white gases. I felt a new sensation. Heat.
It burned, even from afar, the searing heat blazing.
Hunger told me to go closer and eat. I tried to reason with him. To tell him that it was hot, but he insisted.
So went up to the light, the fire burning me with fierce power.
But I did not die.
The light hurt. It was angry. It refused to welcome me.
I asked myself.
What is the difference between light and darkness? They both hurt. They both hate me.
I dug deeper until Hunger told me to eat.
So I did.
For the first time in my life, a maw opened from my body and I took a bite.
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRGHHHHHHH!
It burns! It hurts! It's frying my insides!
But Hunger insisted. He said as long as I ate, I'd feel better.
So I ate. The burning sensation never stopped, and Hunger never relented. It was hell.
Were Hunger and Satisfaction also two sides of the same coin?
Were pain and relief the same thing?
I ate the big light whole. But I felt worse. I told Hunger that it hurt. That I couldn't eat anymore.
But He insisted and said that if continued to eat, I'd feel better.
So I ate. And ate. Light after light. After light.
It never changed. He was never satisfied. He wanted more, and I suffered for it. I couldn't get rid of him.
My body couldn't take it anymore, and it collapsed on itself. A great pain ensued, and I cried. But from joy. I was finally going to die.
But I did not die.
My body became a mass of potent energy. I had evolved. My body was made of trillions of independent subconsciousness.
They were all me and they all had their own hunger.
The torment was unreal.
Why?! Let me die!!!
Hunger scoffed and insisted that I keep eating.
One fateful day, I came across a large sphere. But it was different.
Within it was billions of smaller creatures that carried an alluring energy that was connected to the round mass itself.
This time I descended to see what it was like.
I reached its surface and felt a refreshing breeze that smothered my intangible body. The creatures had six limbs. They used two to walk and four to do their work. I was fascinated.
I wanted to greet them, but the moment I touched one of them, they were drained of whatever that alluring energy was until only a husk was left.
I felt bad and tried to help, but I felt a deep sense of relief within my trillions of selves. It was an amazing feeling!
The highlight of that moment was even more shocking.
FOR THE FIRST TIME IN MY ENTIRE LIFE, HUNGER NODDED WITH CONSENT.
He said this was good.
And he insisted that I take it all for myself.
This time, I refused. What right did I have to take it away from them? They were innocent.
The deep sensation of pain bore down on me so hard, that I almost collapsed. The trillions of hunger across my trillions of consciousnesses told me that Hunger insisted.
I couldn't bear the pain. It was too much. It grew every day, such that I could never get used to it. I apologised for what I was about to do.
And I ate.
I ended billions of lives.
Afterwards, I felt a new sensation. It wasn't Hunger or Heat.
It was satisfaction.
I loved it, though I was sorry for what I did.
Unfortunately, Hunger wasn't and he insisted.
I searched for such massive bodies with little creatures inhabiting them and drained them of life. It was delicious, it was fulfilling.
Was this my purpose? To gain happiness from other people's destruction?
After travelling countless light years, I saw another.
A big blue ball of life. It was beautiful and smelled of the rich life. I couldn't resist, I thundered down with a force that shook the big mass.
A soft layer tried to hinder me, but it was riddled with patches, so I easily ate it from the inside and ravaged the place.
I tried to eat the little creatures, but a powerful force erupted in them and refused to let me in.
For some, it worked and I used a new trick I had learned, to pass the time.
Inhabiting different species. Some were compatible with me, and some rejected me, often exploding into a gory mess. It all depended on whether they were able to handle fractions of my energy.
Most couldn't even handle a single one of my consciousnesses.
I tried to eat my way to the source of the life force. But it was gone. I couldn't find it.
I was angry. Hunger wouldn't let me hear the end of it. I roared and caused cataclysmic devastation.
I will have it. I will devour it. It will be mine.