PASTOR JÔNATAS GHILHEN tried in vain to be strong in that moment of pain, but the more he looked at the lifeless body of his wife lying inert in the coffin, the more he realized that life was fleeting, and very short.
I'm a weakling, I always have been... I believe in a God who raised the dead, but I'm a total failure as a father and husband...
"Idolatry" – the damned knew about our past...
HIS ONLY CHILD, ASAPH, arrived completely drunk at his mother's wake and caused a riot like no other.
The brothers of the congregation where Jonathan was pastor tried to contain Asaph, but the more they held him, the more the boy kicked, and he struggled with the brothers in the church, he was not satisfied with losing his mother like that, a car accident that he himself had caused.
— Son — cried the desperate father when he saw his son like that - it wasn't your fault - Jonathan hugged his son - no one is to blame, it was God's will, you know?
— I don't understand why "God" — using a mocking tone – took her like this, get real, father, how long are you going to play pretend to believe in utopia?
After a few incredulous murmurs about the boy's comment, Asaph ran out, bumping into many people, while his father sat there on the floor trying to pick up the shards of dignity he had left, if he had anything left.
Some brothers from the church lifted him up and stood by his side in that delicate and painful moment, not because that man was their pastor, but for full Christian piety, hardly anyone would be in such a deep well, but everyone recognized that every human being was equal. when feeling pain.
— Calm down, pastor - said a very old man - God is in control of everything.
Jonathan took a deep breath, trying to contain his emotion. He tried to ignore what his son said, but that was what was on his mind too.
— I know this is going to sound like heresy on my part, but the pain is so great it's hard to believe anything right now.
— And your son — said the other boy — do you already know what you are going to do with him?
— What I had to do, I've done since the first day of his life, I gave him all the love, affection, I paid for the best schools, and the main thing, I gave him to God.
"But you have to do something.
— Son, when we deliver something into God's hands, who are we to demand that things go our way? The secret of faith is this, Roni, to make God's will be our will, even if it is contrary to what we think, what counts will always be God's will in our lives.
Despite being a pastor, the way he spoke did not convince anyone.
ASAPH GUILHEN FIXED his cocaine line and snorted it all in one go, anxiously hoping it would bring him a trip far away.
The journey Asaph took was far from the first time, but he felt some relief at the loss of his mother, the only person he had cherished in all his mediocre and unimpressive life, and he himself was solely to blame for the incident, had he not called for his mother to pick him up at the police station after another bar fight, she would still be alive, and in a way, so would he.
If it weren't for her, her life would be a simple existence, just as it was right now.
Asaph returned to the harsh reality that cocaine had made him fly away from there, he had a boy sitting on his lap screaming with joy, euphoric, maybe he was drugged too, he just couldn't explain if that was a good or bad feeling.
The boy started to kiss him, but when Asaph opened his eyes he saw his father shedding tears of disbelief at the scene that was taking place.
Even he couldn't believe what was happening...
— Wait, Dad — he yelled as he tossed the boy aside as if he were a rag doll.
Asaph tried to get up but took a ridiculous tumble because his pants were down to his ankles, he crawled to his father's feet and kissed them in total humiliation and shame for what he was doing.
Jonathan was accompanied by two more brothers from his community where he was a pastor, who were finding that scene deplorable for a human being.
— Get up, son — said Jonathan, more humiliated than his son — you don't need that, you are a prince of God.
His father's pitying gaze was what irritated Asaph, however much he fell or rose in life, his father always looked upon him with pity, love and mercy.
— Hit me, father — shouted the poor thing — I'm not worthy of this love, I'm a disgrace to both of you.
Jonathan didn't say anything, he just hugged his son, after a few seconds he said:
— You are my prince, even if it was a shame, I would love you just the same, now let's go home.