As time passed from my last visit to the palace, my everyday life was pretty much the same as usual, except for one thing.
At first, it was difficult to look him in the eye after our little "fight", if I have to put on a name for what happened on the training grounds, but since I couldn't visit the child without any reason, I had to receive direct approval from one of the members of the royal family, and his highness easily gave me his word of approval. Although what he said before, "When the moment comes when you are feeling such way about me, I won't let you go. That's my punishment, and this time I am going to seek redemption, by not letting you escape this time", made no much sense to me back then, this time those words leave room for speculation.
When I went to the palace after a few days had passed, a knight had to escort me from the entrance all the way to his study, and this time he didn't let me go out until all his work was finished.
The other day was exactly the same, the knight was waiting at the same spot after receiving his highness's order and didn't leave my side until he saw me go inside the study. As much as I would want to leave and go to see that little kid at the wooden house not too far from the main palace, as soon as I saw an opportunity I tried to get out, but there was always someone guarding the door when I opened it. That tight security made me feel like a prisoner receiving special treatment the whole time I was there.
"Were they there the first time I came to visit him?"
The guard was always polite when they saw me, asking where I was going, and wouldn't hesitate to be my escort, yet that contradicted the purpose of their job. If they were not trying to stop me from leaving, then were they trying to prevent someone from entering the study where I and his highness were? That's the only explanation I could come up with.
To my surprise, it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be, probably because his highness was busier than usual and we didn't have an opportunity to talk as much as I wanted to, but even in that situation, I was trying to be more observant and look into anything it could catch my eye. The pile of paperwork was getting bigger day by day, yet he seemed more comfortable and concentrated on his work than the last time.
I could not get bored while watching the expressions he made when he wanted to talk to me, but Alphred continuously stopped his attempt, passing him other documents to read and sign. Stood above his head and guided him through the files, I felt the tension building up, twitching his eye while looking at them and letting out a small sigh when his aide checked up on me.
I, on the other hand, didn't have to worry about anything. The place I was standing felt like my own little space. Every time I came to visit, there was a new tea cup and the novel I left unfinished the other times, waiting for me at the same exact spot. Alphred service was excellent, he did more than I could ask for to make my stay there more… "bearable", while also taking care of his highness's work.
They were spoiling me too much and I felt bad since even without his service, I was enjoying my stay. If only there was a chance to finish what I went there for, I can full-heartedly say that my visit was always better and way more than I expected.
A quiet place where I can enjoy a cup of tea and my favorite dessert without being interrupted by others or useless thoughts, having no need to state what I want to let the other person know what I am asking for since all have been prepared beforehand, and someone who wanted to listen to me or hear me talk to them even though I had nothing worth saying.
Anyways, in one moment I found a petty excuse to get the guard off my back. At other times I got out by just saying that I needed to use the restroom down the hallway. His highness opposed and told me there was one close to the study, but since I had to stay sat for so long he agreed that I had to take some fresh air as well. Now there is a tricky part, there were two guards who followed me anywhere but the restroom. I wanted to use the window, but we were on the seventh floor, so jumping from there was…risky!? Yes, I was definitely going to break my legs if I were to jump from that height without even thinking if my body could handle it or not. Nonetheless, if I wanted to succeed I had to use the window as an escape route one way or the other.
I stayed there for about twenty minutes, I opened the window, took out the key, and waited for the right moment to let out a scream. When the guard outside was trying to open the door with the other key, I hid behind it, and after barging in they immediately saw the open window and rushed there. Even if they had the other key, if I locked the door and let the key inside the keyhole, they were going to be stacked there for a good long time trying to pull the other one out. While they were focused on the not-that-important thing, I got out and proceeded to lock up the door from the outside. They noticed it almost immediately, run quickly, and started to bang on the door. I let out a sigh of relief when all of it was over and quickly left before one of the two saw me wandering around without any guards.
"Still, I don't understand why was there a need for me to have guards following me around. I can protect myself in any situation, of course, if the plan involves murder, but who in their right mind would have attached me without a motive and expect to get away with it that easily!? Maybe I am reading too much into things."
Finding the right path to the wooden house was also a bit of a hustle. Before I didn't look at my surrounding because of the scent, and without it leading and showing me the way that time I had to go around in circles. I think that had passed more than fifteen minutes of wondering here and there until I finally found the house. I knocked on the door, but this time was locked. I went to the exact same spot from the other time near the window to have a better look at the inside, and there I caught the sight of the little child coming down the stairs of the second floor. I tapped gently on the glass and made a slow movement of my hand like a little wave when it got his attention, but when he saw me I think he had missed feelings.
From one way I thought he seemed excited yet he was nervous to come closer, so I smiled and told him to say far away if he felt unsure or uncomfortable. Still, he opened the window and looked down at his feet like he did something wrong in front of me. The moment he did that, the smell rushed inside my lungs in a blink of an eye. My head was heavy as if I had drunk the whole bottle of vodka on an empty stomach.
Trying not to breathe just so I didn't add more polluted air inside my body made things even worse. In a one-way system, keeping what was already inside my lungs in one place was like a ticking bomb waiting to go off. Like being trapped in a jar with no oxygen, feeling my heartbeat in my throat and my head ready to explode. For those five minutes that I tried to stop breathing completely felt so painful while also controlling the urge to eat what can't be seen and devour the source of all the pain.
Caughting for a good whole minute after almost trying to suffocate myself, I was in a daze, half-conscious, and still in a state of shock. With a blurry vision as my eyes were tearing up, I looked at the little kid who seems scared and guilty at the same time.
"..!? Did you cut yourself? Let me see it."
"It's n-nothing…I fell while I was playing by myself the other day.
"Y-you fell? This looks more serious than that." That might be true, but my head is speaking as if I came down from a wild ride at an amusement park. The more I try to calm myself down the more I feel like I am going to faint from suffocation…n-no, I think the smell is getting stronger. Argh, I want to eat something so badly. Food? No, I am not hungry, but this feeling…it's burning, my blood is boiling. I'm craving more than just a simple object with the same plain shape and the same exact taste from the moment of creation.
"L-little kid…c-can you do me a f-favor, please! Bring me something without a pattern or structure and... no no no, c-close the window first, and if th-things get out of c-control just run as fast as you can, al-alright?"
"Huh!? Miss y-your…uhm...I'm sorry, do-does the smell really make you act up? It looks painful."
Although at that moment I was not in my best state of mind, the first thing I said to him when I found him half conscious that day was "Do not be afraid!" and if someone or something made me break my word I would be very pissed at myself. That was an innocent child, he did nothing wrong, and if I followed my instincts that would have ruined everything. My approach was to build trust and find a way to help someone who was in the same position as I was, not to inflict it by force and make an enemy.
I am glad that the decision I made at that moment saved me some time to get myself together. It was a little extreme, but it did the job. I took off my glove and clenched my fist as hard as I could, digging my nails into my skin until blood dripped down my fingers. Fighting the fire with fire, the scent of my blood could easily surpass the one of a human. When I put my hand close to my nose, I felt as if a rope was tied around my neck disappeared and finally, it made me feel better even though I was far from breathing fresh air.
"*Sigh*… Finally! I thought I was going to pass out for a moment there. Hmm? Don't get closer just yet, or I am going to bite you if I get the chance."
"Huh? What, re-really!?"
"...Haha, no I am joking. I'm not going to do that, but still, take some steps back just in case."
Damn it, I must have overdone it somehow. It isn't stopping even when I try to lick it. I have to wait until the blood clots since it's going to show up even with the glove on, and I went and chose the white pair today. Tsk! I can hear a certain someone nagging me for ruining these even though he is not here with me.
"I suppose since this happened, the point of my visit is kind of lost, but it's not too late to start over. My name is Raeliana, most people tend to take out the last "a" and call me Raelian, but you can use whatever you like. Now, what's yours?"
"P-paimon!"
"Hmm. That's actually a really nice name! So Paimon, aside from your yesterday accident, how have you been doing? Did you have any problems treating your shoulder by yourself after I left?"
"…"
Did I say something I shouldn't have? Hmm. He seems a bit uneasy, covering his eye and trying to avoid my glance. I think what I did made things pretty awkward for both of us, mostly him since he is not looking at me the same as before. Does he not like the sight of blood or was he weirded out by me licking it in front of him?
"Miss… c-can I ask you a question?"
"Of course, ask away. But don't call me Miss next time, I did tell you my name for a reason."
"I-I will try! Well, what I wanted to know is if people usually change into another version of…no that's not it. Can hu-humans make spirits appear if they call for them, change a certain part of their body as they please when there is not so favorable situation for them, or create vivid dreams where you can't escape? Can they feel their whole body burning and rage out of nothing just because they feel hopeless? Having what they can never have, knowing what they don't."
Hm!? I thought he was going to ask me about what I did to stop myself from going wild just now and the sudden change on my behalf, but this came out of nowhere. How am I supposed to answer that without any context? Feeling your body burning, rage out of nothing, vivid dreams… more like illusions based on someone's memory, but calling out for spirits, like names of dead people? …Hmm!
"No, I don't think that someone who calls themselves normal could do that, but why do you ask?"
"…!? I'm a little bit scared to talk about it with someone I just met, but I have this strange feeling that you will be able to understand me if I do. Is that weird? Maybe, since right now when I look into your eyes I can see how similar and different they are, and that somehow makes me feel so much better."
Why is he removing his, huh? … His left eye…the one he was covering until now was always like that or am I imagining it? No, it is real, his word confirms this fact, but why is it showing now? For me, it happens when I can control my emotions and go on a rampage, so if it is the same as mine then we might be on the same boat. Wait…he said they look the same but doesn't that mean that mine have changed too? Was that the reason why he was avoiding my eyes from the beginning?
"Paimon, be honest with me. How do my eyes look right now? Are they dark with a glowing ring around the pupils?"
"No, only one is like that, the other one is normal. Your right and my left eye look the same, the only difference is that mine is like a ring glowing in red and yours is gold. I know it for sure since I have seen mine multiple times on different occasions."
How is that possible? It doesn't make any sense at all. Wouldn't that mean that he is…but we are like night and day. For him to have the same "curse" as I do would require the unique features of a rapha. Silver hair and amber eyes, he has non-of those. Gray hair that turns lighter at the ends, and scarlet red eyes are the total opposite of what humans call a rapha.
"Haha…miss, I mean Raelian, sorry. Why do you look so shocked? I think they are pretty similar. I saw it last time too. When you were leaving, I felt a slight pain in my left eye. It was like someone was poking it with a needle at first though, but when I saw the light in my hand I rushed outside and yours was shining too. Seeing both of them glowing like that, was really beautiful, but it stopped immediately right after we wer..."
"All right, take it easy, and don't rush things. First, what do you mean, they were both glowing?"
"Oh! I guess you didn't see it then since you must have been distracted by the coat, but it was really super duper awesome. When I first saw you I was a little taken aback since my mother had told me to stay hidden and your approach and unexpected questions scared me a little bit. But these past few days, I was really curious about something. Seeing with my own eyes and having the chance to meet another person who wasn't family but is also so similar to me made me so happy."
Similar!? Don't make me second guess myself kid, because I am focusing so much on the hair color that it kinda looks similar now. No, we are not similar, but let's just say we are…that brings me to the same question. Is he a hybrid or is this just a case of mutation? I was not born out of anywhere and of course, no one dropped me here by mistake, so if there are people like me who still carry the name rapha, there can also be some who have the same abilities yet are not one hundred percent like me.
"Paimon, can you tell me what your parents look like? Does one of them have any specific characteristic that sticks out from the others? Like silver hair…or amber eyes for example?"
"Expect mother and you, I have never seen or met anyone for as long as I can remember. But I am sure that mother doesn't have any of those."
"Hmm. What about the other parent? Do both of them together live elsewhere?"
"…I-I don't know!"
All right so, this is turning into something not so pleasant, to me. If one is out of the picture then where is the other? From the last time I was here, it seemed like there was no one else living there. All the rooms upstairs were empty and the one downstairs must be used by Paimon. So…does one of them, mostly the mother, just come to check on him and leave him to stay all by himself?
"Say Paimon, how many times have you seen your mother in a month?"
"Enough."
"And how much is that supposed to be?"
"Every full moon I guess? I don't know, why you are asking."
So, she visits him only for a day and then leaves, right after the day goes to an end, huh? Well, that makes things clear, it is not my place to say this but she is neglecting and an awful mother. What about all the things he needs to live, at least a "normal" healthy life, like food, water, and warm clothes for the winter? Does she bring supplies or just leave him here hoping for a miracle to keep him alive? Not to mention that he is still a little kid, from the looks of it he's probably like nine or ten or maybe he could be older since his life lacks everything a young child needs to grow stronger and healthier.
"Paimon…do you want to come with me?"
"What!?"
"Don't get me wrong. I don't know for how long you have been trapped in here or your relationship with your parents, but staying where you are now, with all that's going to happen inside the palace and the drama, the schemes to come out on the top, you will be in the middle of all of that. Don't you want to be free and see the world outside? I can teach you everything, answer all your questions about your powers, about the world and life in general. Think about it."
"…"
I don't want to cross the line and offend someone that seems dear to this kid, but still, there is a chance that he is aware of the things his mother does are not normal. Checking up on him only once a month, hiding him away from the world, and neglecting him, are not something a parent should do to their kid who is curious about every little thing and with their brain still developing. She is just shutting him down completely, and I am in a dilemma. If the right thing to do is talk about it and give hope to the child or just straight up take him away and save him from a horrible ending. There is so much I don't know about his situation and how he ended up like this if I sympathize with him because I was in the same situation once with the purpose to help, what if I make things more difficult for him?
Even if I ask, I doubt he would answer since he doesn't know me either, so of course he doesn't trust me enough to tell me or agree with what I have to say. He is just excited to meet a new person who somehow seems to share the same problem with him.
"Oh right. Would you mind hearing a story? I am sure you will like it since you can relate to and hear more about the world outside."
"A story!? Like the fairytale in those tiny little books?"
"Haha, yeah! It is the story of a girl trapped in a dark room by an evil witch. You will love it!"
I am sure he will be traumatized by the ends of it if I tell him everything word for word, and I don't know if I have what it takes to make it as child friendly as possible for him, but let's just focus on what I want him to understand from all of this, that's the whole point of me bringing up bad memories. If he doesn't understand, then this is going to be a total waste of time.