One time someone told me that the little things matter as much as those we take as crucial decisions. Everything we do, even the smallest step we take can affect our or a random person's fate. I ended up believing it eventually and grew cautious of my actions and how they would affect other people. But that was a tiny grain of sand compared to the suspicious amount of impact my action had here.
"Raeliana, our first encounter might have been terrible and confusing for you, but that was not my intention. As I promised, I want to tell you everything that can justify what I did, and I hope this won't lead to any further misunderstanding!"
"I hope so as well, but that doesn't mean that I will take your word for it."
"I didn't leave a good impression, did I? ...sigh… Still, I want to fix everything I did wrong and I wish you understand why I acted the way I did back then."
How Alan explained the story was not exactly what I wanted to hear, but also was not something that could quench my curiosity. But something is still left unsolved. Why didn't I know about this from the original story?
For a quick recap of the story, as the main event started…Alan Akriste, the heir of the duke from the north, becomes the second love interest of the heroine, Nasya. Their relationship starts as childhood friends, with no hidden meanings behind their actions which then leads to him looking at her as the woman he wants to spend his life with later when Jonathan shows his interest in her. On the other hand, with Mireya was the same thing but he didn't cross the line and only took the role of the helping hand when she needed someone beside her.
There was nothing more than this love triangle in both stories. I never knew about their first love since from the beginning I thought that the heroine was the one and only who satisfied their curiosity, enough to make them catch feelings and be blinded by love.
"Now, let us start from the beginning and then make your way to the part when we met in the north, all right. Tell me more about your first crush and what that has to do with me."
"Well, that's an embarrassing story and I haven't told it to anyone about this before. So, you might think is a little stupid and childish since when it happened I was so young and…"
"Sorry to interrupt you, but perhaps I didn't make myself clear! I am not here to judge or laugh at you for any reason. I am going to sit here, listening to your story until you are done, and then we are going to start things over as normal human beings. Now, can we start?"
I don't get why he is so shy all of the sudden. He brought it up in the first place, and now I look as the one who is forcing him to say it. Man…I struggle with this kind of person because I always end up as the bad guy.
"Right. Raeliana! C-can you promise me that by the end of it you are going to consider what I said before about being friends? It is important for me to know your answer."
"…?! I will think about it."
At least someone is in a good mood now. But I have the feeling that I have done something I shouldn't have done. If what Alan said is true, then why did this detail never come out throughout the story? Perhaps this was inconvenient for the relationship Alan wanted to have with Nasya.
If she were to know about this, not only she have to accept the fact that she was not the only woman in his heart, but also that would mean that she can be replaceable. The heroine can't be replaced by the love interest, she is like a magnet that attracts everything around her.
Therefore, I hope I will not regret my decision for staying here with him for a whole good afternoon to get the answer to this question because the more I dig into things the more I think that I have done something wrong.
I spoke too soon…and I hit the nail on the head.
"Sigh! Why do I have to suffer like this when things were going so well…*Achooo…*! …Ugh…my throat hurts, my head hurts, and my eyes hurt from looking at you first thing in the morning! What have I done to deserve this?"
"You ungrateful little…! In my all years of working as a butler, I have never taken care of a such disrespectful, unpredictable, inconsiderate, impulsive, and arrogant child. You should thank me for still looking after you now that you got a cold because if it wasn't for me or Mireya you would have been left alone like this and reflect in your behavior until you recovered."
I know I wanted to rest when I got home, but I didn't expect to wake up sick and tired. My energy was totally drained and what Tristan said was right, that I was going to get a cold from sitting there in that kind of temperature. If it wasn't for those two, who came early in the morning to yell at me about the proposal I made before prince Jonathan, I would have stayed like that until the breakfast was ready.
"Y-yeah- *Chough…chough…* Anyhoo, thank you for checking on me when others don't care if I am alive or dead! You deserve a place in heaven for this, Spencer. But don't take my word for it, because maybe they will put you in hell if they take you as my accomplice, so please don't come to cry to me if that happens."
"You should better worry about yourself right now! I am done replacing the bandages on your wrist, and it looks like there is no need to put more medicine there for the time being, since the wound seems to have been closed completely. Also, try to keep the compress until I come back again, so if you go back to sleep don't move too much in bed all right?"
"Hahaha! *cough…chough…chough* ….A-all right Spencer, I will sleep as a dead person so that the compress won't fall down, I got that! On your way out, can you tell Mireya that I am fine and that she can't come here for now? I-I don't want her to catch my cold."
"…! Of course, but you know that she won't be happy to hear that."
I know, that's why I can't be the one that is going to tell her. I should do something to cheer her up after I recover. Lately, I have made her feel left out, and creating a distance from her for a long time is going to drive us apart with time.
"Please Spencer, try to pressure her for now …*chough*… I promise that I will be a better sister when I get up! *cough* I will…I promise I will-"
"Shhh. I will tell her, don't force yourself to talk, your throat must hurt a lot. Now calm down and try closing your eyes. Call me if you ever need anything."
I can't do anything except nod and do as he says. I am so tired that I can't lift a finger right now, but staying like a statue in bed without moving is even worst.
Yesterday I couldn't just leave without hearing the whole story even if I had to stay another night without sleep, but I couldn't have been more wrong for overestimating myself and how long my body could have held on like that. I don't remember what time it was, but I ended up passing out and waking up the next day with a cold. Looking at Spencer's gloomy face and Mireya sleeping next to me I thought, 'Ohh no…! Don't tell me I messed up again?'
But the more I think about it, I did learn a lot of things while listening to Alan's story and I had a good talk after that as well. He sounded, a little sad talking about it!
"This happened long before I entered the academy, I think I was four or five years old at the time, so many memories are kind of foggy. But even if I try to forget I will still remember that woman as if she is in front of me. Her skin was light peach color, with shiny white hair and a warm smile while holding me in her arms, rocking me slowly, and humming a song to put me to sleep. She stayed in one of our houses in the north for some time and then left. I always went there to play with her when she was free and observe her while she worked. It is funny because I was there all the time and I never had the courage to ask for her name and even my parents wouldn't tell me even if I beg for it."
"So, to this day you still don't know who she is?"
"Unfortunately, I learn about her when I heard the rumors going around the mansion. She was called so many names, but I still think that she was the most elegant and gentle person in the world. Now every time I think about it, I get a feeling that her smile was her way of coping, to hide her feelings. I find this as an amusing similarity between you two because when I saw you for the first time you had the same energy as her."
What does he mean by the same energy? I never show my feeling to someone without a reason, and of course, I don't need a smile to work through my sorrow.
"It was the day when the academy started and I had to leave before dawn to go there in time. I was sleepy and I could tell if it was a dream or really what I was seeing, but out of nowhere I saw something running through the forest, something shiny that didn't look like the light of a fire or lantern, it was like I could see the reflection of the moonlight shining inside the forest. I rushed to see where that light was coming from and there… I saw you. Your hair was so beautiful under the moonlight that I thought that it was made of diamonds. My body moved on its own and I wanted to get closer, everything about you didn't resemble a human at all, no human alive can be that heavenly, that's why I called you an angel. I guess I got carried away and even though I have the opportunity to get closer to you now, I still left a bad impression in the process."
All the time he was talking and telling me the story, I knew that he was not lying, I could see it in his eyes. He meant it when he said that I was an angel for him. If he believes that, I don't want to crush his dreams, but I also can't pretend. I told him to call me however he wants, but to not overdo it, calling my angel is embarrassing as it is. Despite that I didn't figure out how I saved his life that time when I had to escape from that prison, I guess that seeing how excited he was in that moment made me a little happy. I think that he understood where I was going with that.
'Huh? This is strange, I thought I had slept a lot, but the compress seems to be still cold. I feel my body and mind more relaxed than before although I am still sick. I guess thinking about the conversation I had with Alan made me calm down a little, but I am hungry right now. I should get up and call Spencer he-'
I can't explain how badly I wish for someone to disappear at this moment. I am so shocked that I can't say a word to the person seating next to me. It was the same back then too, but now the man who I couldn't read even if I tried, looked a lot calmer holding a book in his hands. In a matter of fact, I am annoyed by how peaceful it is and how did he get here while I was sleeping. Am I actually dreaming?