'What was that just now? My whole body moved on its own and the vision went blank, as a strong light fell right into my eyes. I don't feel dizzy anymore and I have fully gained self-control. But even after so many unexpected things have happened, my left hand is still stuck. It looks like it has stacked in something warm, and every time I move it, something solid scratched my wrist and warm liquid drips down.'
I had seen some strange thing for a while there, so I didn't give it too much thought, so I shook off my hand immediately. It hurt when I touched it but at least now I was free to move my hand without a problem. It had been some time that I couldn't see or hear anything, and I was just dozing on the spot. Now that I was in control, I tried to open and close my eyes rapidly, in hope that my vision would come back soon. I was happy that little by little the colors were appearing, so I waited for a few moments for my eyes to adapt to the surrounding.
I only wanted to stop shaking. J-just that, nothing more! But the moment I could see everything clearly around me, I vividly remembered the thing that I did. Feeling a warm touch, apparently from a ghost, the malice words said right into my ear and the girl that was lying on the ground bleeding with her insides torn apart. The other girl looked terrified and was trying to get her friend up, helping her breathe and crying by her side. She wasn't reacting, her chest stopped moving and her hand fell to the ground. I was so shocked, I wanted to throw up! I couldn't move and my heart was beating so fast from that terrible scene that I saw, and then it hit me again. That voice from before was now a clear image of a black shadow at the end of the corridor, without eyes and smirking wildly at me.
The shadow was getting closer and closer, until she was right in front of my face, touching it, patting my head, running her hand through my hair, and then grabbing my head aggressively while making me see right at those non-existing eyes. That gave me the chills, I tilted my neck further back in a vain attempt to keep "that thing" at a reasonable distance, but she bought my face even closer to hers. "You did such a good job there, young rapha! I am so proud of you!" her mouth wasn't moving when she spoke to me, but the voice kept coming out like it was someone else behind that thing, controlling the shadow from the distance. And I knew who it was, only one person had ever called me "young rapha", but it wasn't likely her who was behind this.
I was out of breath, I wanted to run, I couldn't possibly do anything to a shadow even if I was in perfect condition. Raphael on the other hand was silent the entire time, he didn't alert me like before when this thing was approaching me, but even in these moments he didn't say anything, and couldn't even switch with me. I can't do anything, not even blinking, I can't speak, and even if I could, who was going to help me after seeing a girl lying on the ground with a hole in her chest.
"Aren't you happy? You got rid of an annoying pest that was looking down on you. She should have known her place and let Mireya enjoy her birthday, right? They don't deserve your sympathy, they don't deserve nothing!"
She continued talking and repeating the same thing over and over, "They don't deserve your sympathy, they don't deserve nothing!". I wanted it to stop, I wanted to break free from those hands and stop looking at her face, but I couldn't. I was unintentionally drowning in that darkness, an illusion or not, that was a never-ending nightmare. Frankly, I didn't really care anymore, I could sense her presence and she was actually touching me, so even if it was an illusion, that was pretty real! Hearing her voice repeat the same thing, I lost my trace of time and I was just standing there like a statue proceeding to hear her words like a good child.
I don't remember what happened after that, it looks like I fainted and someone found me lying next to railings in front of the room Mireya and the two girls were, and bought me to my room. I wake up from what Spencer called "a dream" with so many questions. Did that really happen, did I really stab that girl on her chest with my bare hand, or are they trying to confuse me? Then why was it so realistic? Where are those girls now? How bought me here? Was the shadow part of my imagination? Why are they not telling me the truth!
My head hurt, I don't know what is real or fake anymore! If that really happened and I committed a murder in the duke's mansion, her parents are going to declare war against us. That would be a problem and also a violation of my agreement with his grace. I promised to stay low and act only if it benefits me, but this is totally unforgivable!
"How is Mireya doing, did she like her birthday party, is she in her room right now?"
Thankfully the one in front of me was the only person that could keep my mind off things. Spencer has the talent to make me forget the rest and just think about how to make him mad or have some kind of reaction on his face. Most of the time I don't know what is he thinking, but I guess he picked up my bad habit of not showing any emotions and now he is shoving it into my face. Still, seeing him by my side and taking care of me is really touching and overwhelming at the same time.
"Lady Mireya is fine, she was tired yesterday so she went to bed early."
That means that someone did upset her, but I am not sure if the Mireya that I saw yesterday running was crying or not, since the pain on my face didn't make me see clearly. But for some reason, even this answer didn't seem right. He is keeping it short, sitting calmly near my bed, differently from other times when he just angrily glared at me and yelled because of my behavior. Not to mention him putting compress on my forehead and my hand which was wrapped in bandages was still hurting. They sure are making me a fool by telling me it was just a dream, when the fact speaks for themselves.
"Why do I have a bandage on my hand? I don't remember injuring myself."
Spencer responded immediately without hesitation while changing the compresses "His grace ordered to put that, because you looked in discomfort when young duke Akriste was holding it. Get used to it, you are going to keep it for a while!".
That was a lie. Alan never used force when he was holding my hand, since after I left I didn't see any bruises or finger marks. And even if he did, aren't they supposed to put something cold to reduce blood flow around the area or meat since it is difficult to keep the ice without a refrigerator? But that was not all, I knew that they were lying to me and the pain was definitely caused by a sharp object. Since I stabbed her in the chest with my hand, her ribs were broken by the direct blow and were piercing through it, and when I pulled my hand out, they created this scare that they are so on edge to cover up.
"So, Spencer! What time it was when they found me?"
His face was white as a sheet, he should have noticed that the excuse that he gave me was not that well prepared and I was asking for more information to confirm something, that they didn't want me to know. He was staring blankly at the bowl filled with water on the table near my bed, and then suddenly looked faced the other direction saying "Irene, Piera can you leave us alone for a second?"
'Were they here this whole time? I didn't even notice them standing there in the corner!'
They did as they were told and we were again, left alone in that room. Spencer sighed a few times and got up from his seat. I couldn't get up, so I followed him with my eyes until he went near the window, looking outside at the distance. I was waiting for his explanation, but that silence and his expression, like partly frustrated but somehow calm, make me think that he was trying really hard to not disobey his grace order.
"Your silence is proving that I am right about what happened, Spencer! I am not sure about the exact time I lost control, but the person that found me has already seen the body lying on the ground near me, hasn't he?"
"What are you talking about, how do you know about the body?"
Huh?! That was an unexpected reaction! I never thought that Spencer would be that surprised when it comes to this. He knows me for a long time, he saved me from the marquise after being locked for my crime, so things like that shouldn't be new to him considering that I am still a rapha.
"You shouldn't be surprised since from the beginning you suspected of me, and the fact that I am a rapha is still valid. Sure, you might think that I killed that person, and you are right. No matter how hard you try to cover things up, nothing changes the fact that I did it!"
Spencer who has been always so calm and collected, and he didn't even lift a finger to me, when the same thing happened in the marquise's mansion, now looked like a totally different person. He grabbed my shoulders in a hurry, pressing me into the bed, "S-Spencer, what are you doing? You are hurting me, let go!"
Spencer's abhorrent, fear-stricken aggression made my head spin and when he leaned closer I didn't know what to do. He had changed. I blinked only once and looked at his anxious face and eyes full of fear, trying to talk to him, but I didn't know what to say and what should have been the most reasonable thing to calm things down.
"Spencer, do you like or despise me?"