I am settled on the sofa, armed with a pen and book. I tried to take a nap, but like always I am hounded with nightmares from that night. Quinn strolls into the living room in her lingerie.
'Eva.' she mumbles in her hypnotic voice. 'It is past three what are you doing here.'
Today, my dream had taken a different turn, I dreamt about Crystabel locked outside my father's office she had screamed my name begging me to save her but like always, I let her burn as I did to John.
'I was at Crystabel school yesterday and during the drive, I couldn't help but be remorseful.'
'Why honey you have always been perfect with her.' Quinn says settling beside me.
'Perfect?' I say my voice rising. I stand up and begin pacing.
'I show up at her school and I am reprimanded by those teachers. I had no idea my baby was suffering so much. She hates interacting with others, she loves solitary, she is always gloomy and she fights anyone that dares talk to her.' I shift to face Quinn 'I was ignorant of these things.'
I settle down and quickly stand again, I am too infuriated to sit. I face Quinn pointing a finger at myself.
'Those tutors questioned me, asking if I even have a relationship with my daughter and you know why I don't fight back?.' I ask sniffing. 'It's because they are right.'
I am shaking now, willing myself to sob. 'I see that girl that always teases her and I say to myself, my little girl is better why can't she stand up for herself.'
Quinn is sobbing now, and I envy her for being able to cry when she is aching. 'We all haven't been there for her Eva you can't reprehend yourself for any of this.
'Good?' I am furious, not at her but myself. Crystabel mother had asked me to take care of her that night and I was doing a messy job. 'Crystabel deserves more, I am either too busy, having nightmares, or spending years in the hospital.' I glance at Quinn 'But you are always here, being the big sister, I know you have your academy and your own life to think about.'
'I am not returning to Canada.'
'What?' I ask dumbstruck, finding it hard to understand what she has just said.
She stands up, holding my hands. 'I am not going back to Canada.'
'What about your dreams? you can't stay you just started your masters.'
'I don't want it anymore.'
'What do you mean you don't want it anymore?'
'I came back here because I finally grasped everything. I want to be here. You have been the strong one, Eva, working, fending for us all. I am your big sis well at least two years older.' she says the last part laughing. 'I want to take care of you, I want to take things off your shoulders I still want to travel the world but as a different person.'
She nods her head when I make an effort to speak. 'I am not going to be there and leave my family here, I can't have you working to foot my bills.'
'You worked to feed me while I was in the hospital.'
'I am insulted that this is some sort of payback. I want to be here for you, for my family. Mom called, she is scared for the company.'
'I am capable.' I quickly correct myself when I remember that I have kind of made a mess of things. 'We have Mr. Scott.'
'No.' She replies shaking her head. 'I don't mean you are incompetent. you work alone Eva you don't even have a secretary.'
'I have employees I don't need anyone in my business, I have Livy.'
Quinn laughs 'You and I know my mom doesn't know shit about calculations, I am staying back I will be your secretary, assistant, or whatever.'
'This is not what you want Quinn.'
'It is what I always wanted it just took me a lot of time to catch on to.'
I give her a tight embrace, Quinn has always been there for me.
'I love you so much Eva, you get to spend more time with Crystabel and also go on dates with Travis.'
'What' I say looking sullen.
'Don't think I missed that hot look you both shared.'
To be sincere, I am happy that she is staying behind, I no longer have to endure everything alone. I give her a bear hug
'Having my family here is all I need right now.'
***
I have always considered myself a morning person, super active and productive once the sun comes up. But today for reasons I would never acknowledge I feel like crawling back to bed.
Travis Scott that man made me think of intimacy. I begin to feel guilty as I replay the meeting in my mind. Surely I am overreacting. Okay, he's very confident and attractive, but on the flip side, he is arrogant, autocratic, and cold. How can he be so beautiful and complete? I have a headache blame Mr beautiful for it.
My mind drifts back to Quinn since I started my company, I have never had a secretary although Livy has always helped. I still needed someone professional, someone who knew how to handle a computer.
I don't do well with people, they make me edgy, nervous, and ill-tempered well except for my family. Livy had employed other staff members clandestinely I didn't blame her cause I knew we needed the help. Only if I had agreed to employ people earlier, I most certainly would have chosen competent ones and I would have avoided this mess I am in right now.
Travis. I groan inwardly thinking about Mr beautiful on a Monday morning. I need to speak to Doctor Ben.
I am anxious because I know I would be seeing a lot of him, this morning after breakfast Livy had given me heads-up about the whole arrangement.
'Eva, you will be working closely with Mr. Scott, you need to put him through with the documents and all so he knows how best to help us.'
And when I had voiced out my objection she had glared at me like a madwoman 'Eva, you should be grateful. that man is losing a lot of money working for you for free.' And with that, she had stormed out of the room leaving me frustrated and outraged.
'Mr. Scott just called, he has things to sort out at the office.'
I look up to see Grace at the door, she is a chubby woman with big breasts that I sometimes wondered if it's real. Grace works directly with Livy.
'Thank you I reply completely dismissing her with a wave of my hand. she snorts. I always knew she didn't like me, but it's okay the feeling is mutual. He wasn't coming in today I breathe, I didn't even realize I was holding my breath. I know I would have to face that man one day but I am grateful for the time I still have. My phone begins to dance on the table signaling a call.
'Hey babe' I say to Quinn.
'Eva, I know you are busy and all, I am sorry for taking advantage of our relationship.'
'Quinn oh goodness.' I say laughing. After our conversation last night, she had decided to stay back and work as my secretary something I am super happy about. This morning, her boyfriend Gideon had called her and she had told me she wouldn't be able to start today.
'Okay, whatever babes. I would be taking advantage from time to time the boss is my sister.'
'You are crazy.'
'Crazy good.' I hear her talk to someone in the background and I assume it is Gideon.
'Gideon would like to meet you, Eva, he wants us to have lunch, would you do that for me.'
I know she is asking because I have never hidden my feelings about Gideon. I don't like him and I had my reasons for it.
'Quinn you know the company is underwater right now. I have to meet with Mr. Scott.' it is a small white lie.
'It's fine Eva, I understand you have work to do, I keep forgetting some people are busy.'
She drops the call before I can respond. I feel like a bitch but I really can't help it. Quinn doesn't need a man in her life, she needs her family, not Gideon who would constantly keep her away.
I remember I once told her how I felt. she had been so understanding and had told me she hoped I would like him one day. But I cannot be blamed I have lost so many people within the space of seven years, I don't want to love more people and risk losing them.
I heave my phone digging up Quinn's number when she doesn't pick up I stand up and start pacing. She is angry and disappointed. She has sacrificed a lot for me the least I could do is meet Gideon. I call again, she picks up on the third ring
'Yes.'
Let's meet by two, send me the address.'
'Eva, you don't have to do this, if it is going to make you feel uncomfortable, I completely understand I am sorry for asking in the first place.'
'No I am sorry, I cannot promise you that I would be lovely and accommodating but I would try not to be a bitch.'
'Eva if you promised to be a good girl, I would certainly not believe it. I just hope you guys get along someday. He makes me happy Eva and I would be happier if you accept him.'
'I will try, I promise.'