It was a pitch black night. No stars or I might have stared off at them instead of sitting here on my bedroom floor. Things have been so crazy lately. I can't seem to enjoy what I've built. My parents passing away when I was young through me out on to the streets. Forced me to figure it out to survive.
Luckily, I got the ground running. Due to my line of work, I was constantly on the move and always visiting my favorite spots. Not only did I get to stay at home or out with my loved ones almost all of my time but not a single day was actually work. You had a need and I provided. It was lucrative and for a 10th grade drop-out there wasn't much in the way of good paying jobs. sticking to the streets was what I knew anyway.
I had a large circle. Growing up I was secluded withoutuch interaction with the outside. Don't get me wrong. I played in the woods but growing up in the middle of nowhere tens of miles outside of city has it's downfalls. Beautiful scenery, stars at night, quiet... but lonely.
My dad's sister always looked after me growing up. So, to say I was homeless isn't really true. I thrived backways of society and it's where I truly fit in. I'd go home every now and then to try and help out and recover. Relax a bit. I was definitely LAZY! Haha
I didn't mean to be. I was just a teenager then. Free. Smart. Connected.
There wasn't a soul who didn't like me. I was a natural silver-toungued being. I chose my words wisely and I knew how to use them. By this age I've read more books than most families alive will do as a group there whole lives. It's how my aunt got me to sleep. And I never stopped.
I never consciously tried to manipulate anyone, I just had a really big heart and I was a very gentle giant. Having a full beard in the 7th grade and a head taller than everyone had it's perks. People mistook me for being a lot older than I was. It sorta made me a natural "parent" to our click. If only I knew what all the things I'd put myself through because of them. Where it would lead...
As I got older, my business took off and it wasn't short to say I was a little baby mafioso. Enemies would sit together and have fun when within my domain. Money flowed. So little responsibilities...
Most people will tell you fear or respect gets you the most. Some would say it's the best deal being offered. I say it's the one who makes the whole experience blissful. People buy all sorts of things but who can resist buying happiness?
Relying on the people skills I discovered that I'd been subconsciously developing over the years, I reigned over a small kingdom where there simply was no competition. I'd been lucky to get in on some good investments before they even hit the streets fully. Over the years not very many people stayed with it. Between it becoming illegal and my "spread the wealth" attitude, the industry was in the palm of my hand. If you were the opposition, I found a way to bring you to my team. If you needed work, I gave you a job. And the pay was better than flipping burgers anyday. Some people saw what they wanted to and thought pretty badly of me. They'll never believe how many people I kept from doing shady things to survive and be happy. How many strangers I'd charitably helped. How many of my friends and there families I looked out for.
I'd done a lot of good with my profits.
I was really intelligent and well read.
I made a boatload of money that I basically blew just because I could.
I was surrounded by the people I called Family
So why wasn't I happy?
Even with almost a dozen of them in my room at any given time I would feel like I was on the outside looking in.
Why did I feel like I didn't fit in? No, this was my home but it was more like...? My home wasn't meant for my enjoyment? It felt like I was destined to always provide the party but never get to experience it. To always watch them smile and laugh while I just joined in on the jokes sometimes.
And one day I completely feel apart.