Tuesday, I didn't come to school.
I was in my room for the whole day that I have no idea what happened to my father or where he is. All I could see was the world where I belong suddenly fell apart, leaving me crushing into pieces.
For the past few days, I spent my time thinking about what will happen to me after my father's death. I know I couldn't handle it. At the same time, for me to feel better, I fed myself up to my room's wall in replacement for my shattered punching bag.
The coastline has vanished as if melted in the heat. I wonder whether the universe is now just one ocean, with the waves rolling freely and building speed. Perhaps when you're adrift, you worry that the flawless circle of blue is all that exists. It's as if the wind has arrived to convey a sense of contact, a kind greeting from nature. And I've learned in this desert of companionship that it's better to let the head be as empty as that horizon than to endure the loss of hope and the flood of emotions that comes with it.
Feeling empty and fatigued are so inextricably linked that I need to fully rest before I can figure out what's what.
And so, Wednesday came.
I decided to let go of things and drift this agony away by going to school.
As I strutted down the hallway towards my classroom while feeling unbothered, I noticed each of the students' glares intentionally perforated my eyes in every step I took.
Feeling this for the first time, I glimpsed some of them also had their eyes all worried, scared, and apparently, satisfied on me. Because of those things, no one approached me.
"Why's he here? Is he asking for his death?"
"This is not the right place for him. He better vanish off from this school."
"People like him are best suitable in that classroom."
"A famous boxer is now known to be a famous prisoner. Pfft."
I can hear you, dumbasses.
But I guess that's understandable, knowing that I will become one of that classroom's students. Though nah, I don't give a damn. Becoming a prisoner for no reason, my father's death the next week, insults of everyone on me... I'm done with all of it.
Nothing but this world's injustice... I'm all done with it.
After striding inside the classroom, my classmates who were once trying to befriend me are now talking shit about me. I glanced down at my seat spot then sighed with annoyance. Noticing that my seat has gone, I hardly stared at my friends who were closest to my seat.
I then met my eyes with Tyler who awkwardly avoided my gaze. Beside him stood Fritz and Axel who were ignoring my prolonged glance too. And unbelievably, Jay was with them as well, genuinely grinning while talking to the three of them. But that's no surprise. He could come to school anytime and make his entrance without informing me. I get that.
The missing one's Franciszek. I wonder where he is when he's the only person who informed me of this all. I bet he tried to run away. Perhaps, the council tracked him down already, knowing that he warned me in no time.
His information won't help me anyway. Therefore, I don't really care whether he had run away or just hid somewhere. The school authorities will hunt me down to earth if I tried to escape, there's no point in running away.
At least that simple thing is just too common that even a toddler can think of.
Jay stood up, followed by Tyler and nonchalantly tucked their hands in their pockets as they advanced past my path. I then came to a halt because this is the first time they've acted in this manner. It's as if they intended to ignore me forever, but now the fun begins.
When the four of them passed by, Jay was the last one to go past me and aggressively bump me, causing me to take a step back to regain my footing.
"Now, that's not what you call 'friends'," I murmured.
He came to a halt and stared at the three of them, laughing so hard.
Was that really a funny thing? Then, I might be a comedian then.
"Did you hear that? Friends? Oh no!" said Axel and then laughed his ass out.
Shrugging, Fritz smirked while tapping Jay's shoulder, "I don't remember having friends with a priso---"
Before I knew it, my hand suddenly moved on its own, piercing through his face with my fist. It felt so satisfying to have his face smashed right away and knock him down with just a single blow.
Now that they betrayed me, I am now free to terminate them, right?
"Fucking asshole!" Axel tried holding me down as he let Jay use a back kick on me. Back kick is a technique used in taekwondo.
I didn't perceive it coming.
Unfortunately, they succeeded in their scheme...
Jay successfully landed his feet onto my stomach, taking my insides to feel smashed. It hurts as heck that I almost puked blood on the ground.
Axel then let go of me, letting the despair take on me as they smirked from feeling the victory. But little did they know that a boxer like me can bring down his technique.
While I had myself down to the ground, holding my stomach easing from the pain, a trick came up to my sleeve.
As they took their time laughing at me, I lifted up Jay's feet and managed to attack straight back to his smuggling face, causing him to fall on the ground.
It's hard to believe but the pain in my stomach disappeared in an instant. Maybe this is because I'm feeling numb nowadays. Not only mentally but could be physically as well.
"Take this blow you, motherfucker!"
I went on top of Jay and straightly punched his face countless times. It was a cowardly act of me to have him all, but I caught him off guard. Sickly blows in sickly dare came to the fists, making fractures in the head beneath damaged flesh. Because this was battle, brutal and savage in all the worst ways he can bear and inflict.
That's the reason why he couldn't take any of my strikes and be defensive now. He's just too dumb, it's his fault he's covered with bruises on his face now.
"I treated you as a friend but you treated me as your rival. Asshole!" I stopped when I knew he couldn't do anything against me now.
What we see outside often reflects back to us - on a tranquil day, we feel more at ease. For me, the calm of my spirit comes after a lot of action and exertion of energy. Then I can sleep like a dog that has spent hours in the wild, my muscles completely exhausted. Then I may sit and unwind my head, allowing my ideas to flow. That's the way I prefer to be. The weather may then do whatever it wants; even during the most severe storms, I am still within.
Seeing Axel taking a step back away from me, I forwarded and didn't hesitate to give him a fist blow on his stomach. He's a fragile person so I went easy on him. But I may take it too far that he leaned on the wall, unable to move while easing the pain on his gut.
"You have one job, Axel. Why did you let me go after I was back kicked, huh?"
"Fuck you, p-prisoner."
That must've hurt but he could've dodged it instead. I spent myself yesterday in my room punching that wall. There's no way that won't sting.
His words didn't matter to me, of course. I turned deaf as an adder whenever they call me that way. If I'm a prisoner for no crime, then I'd be glad to accept that. After all, my father whom I love the most will soon die, my friends whom I have known were the best betrayed me. Then it must be better to lose myself for good too, right?
Seeing Tyler, the only one who's left standing now, I furiously glared at him.
"Would you betray me, Tyler?" He looked so hesitant.
"I guess that's a yes." I retreated myself and went on my own way towards the exit door.
I can't hurt another person I've known as my friend anymore. He's one of the friends that's too loyal to me. If I let my aggression step down across the line, then I must be really a prisoner.
"Sorry, Zeus! We have to do this! We held no choice! The leaders will come to us if we don't take action!"
I can sense the tension and hear the ferocity in his tone. There's a lot of emotion behind the words he's saying. Then I try something new: I conduct a post-mortem. Instead of waiting for a crisis to occur and then stressing over the relationship's post-mortem in the coming days, weeks, or even years, I calm myself and consider where my customary responses take us at these moments.
Witnessing each and every inch of the scenario, my classmates even took a video of me while all of this is happening. I guess they also caught that grand moment where I beat the shit out of these three.
"Then, you have chosen our friendship to fall apart. It's all a waste, Tyler. Don't bother." I walked through the exit.
All I can do is try to make a fresh, hopefully, better decision and wait to see what happens. Instead of getting sore, I reply that I can accept and understand how he came to feel this way and that if I were in the same circumstances, I would feel the same way.
"Don't come back, Zeus! You're a rotten flesh to this school!"
"Then you must be a living trash to this world!"
And thus, our friendship ended that way.
I fought for pleasant memories, for reasons to be fair. Even when every terrible thing I had prophesied came true, I strove to remain sympathetic. That, for me, is the betrayal, the unwillingness to combat the bad ideas and believe the best of myself, to recollect my spirit as it was when we smiled. As a result, my heart is still filled with fond recollections of who we were.
If it hadn't come to this, then they wouldn't deceive me, right?
I swam for the light and they did everything they could in just a day to take me into the depths. They betrayed me, not the other way around.