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She laughed because of the word she just mumbled. "Well... thinking about what happened, those matters earlier wasn't very pleasant, huh?"
How would it ever feel pleasant if you were in that situation? Being with your father that's been with you before you can even remember and will talk with you about your "real parents". For Sigrid, the time's flowing so fast and the incidents these days are just like a dream.
She extends her arm upwards, "I wish it's all just a dream," she said. The energy in her arm suddenly left that it fell to right her face. "That hurts!" She sits and looks at her arm that fell.
"You arm! Why would you do that?!" If anyone can look at her now, those people will think she has gone mad. The mood turned silent for a second... "Are you tired too?" she asked, but it's not like the arm can answer her. But she knew very well that her arm can't answer her, and with that, she decided to talk with it even more.
"I think we... who keeps putting our brave face also feels this worn out," she again slumps herself onto her bed, "It's been a while that I felt like this. Not minding everyone, just talking to myself, letting out everything that's been bothering my head," she then rolls.
"I used to think that I'm not going to be like this again, and will start expressing myself so that the people beside me won't misinterpret me like how I misinterpret myself," she used the other arm that has energy in it and placed it as the cover on her eyes.
"But in the end... I made no progress. I was just stuck and thinking that I was making a progress." A realization stroked her. "My parents and Amanda... as well as our employees. I knew that they're spoiling me, and yet I was just going along with it while knowing the fact that I was being babied,"
"I suck," the tears she's been holding are starting to fall out of her tear ducts.
"Ah... It's true. I wonder if I'll realize it if the incidents yesterday didn't happen? Will I be able to realize it by myself? Me? While being babied by all of the people in this dukedom? No... No, I don't think so," her tears are just like her companion, getting along with those feelings, flowing out of her eyes just like the words she's saying.
"Still, why though? Why can't I stand up for myself? Why can't I help myself? Why do I always have to be babied?" the memories of her all these years are starting to cover her mind. It's just always like her, being spoiled and well taken care of.
"Is it a good thing? Being well taken care of? Having someone's hand whenever you are and wherever you go? Having someone's pity when you trip off? Having someone to clean your small wound even if you can do it yourself?" she sniffs, "Do they think I'm weak that I couldn't take care of myself? Huh? I'm Sigrid... So why aren't they leaving my side? I know that being alone isn't good at all... but how am I supposed to stand for myself if they continue on spoiling me?" her mind is all jumbled.
"Is this how you protect someone you love? But I don't feel loved at all... well, sometimes, I guess? The warmth I can get from Amy is different. The others are just like caging me. Mom... Dad... am I supposed to feel like this? I told you, if Sigrid made a wrong move, please just punish me." the arm that's blocking her fell just like the left arm earlier, it fell gracefully but her view is blurry because of the tears. It took a while to adjust but upon doing that, the radiance from the chandelier meets her eyes that is enough for her to avoid its gaze, but she didn't. Even with the lights that coming out from it, she stands for herself, facing it gaze.
The weird feeling came while she's staring at the chandelier, so weird that she's feeling weak and nervous. "What's this?" she asked herself. Her eyes do feel the pain from looking at the lights directly but what surpasses that is the strange and weird feeling.
It's an ecstasy, the weird, strange and unfamiliar feeling that she can often get from Amy and rarely from her parents. "I... I feel good," she knew that she shouldn't be feeling this ecstasy that's still in her chest right now, but her instincts are telling her to embrace it even more. It feels so wrong, what just happened feels so wrong. But a voice from nowhere filled the whole room.
"Feel it, Sigrid!" the voice feels so loud that her heart is reacting to it by beating so hard.
"W-Who-" it's like a drug. She can't even finish her sentence because of the ecstasy she's feeling. She continued to just feel it, without thinking about anything, she embraced the warmth that the feeling is emitting. She can feel the power, the extreme, from mental, physical, and emotional. All sorts of foundation of her beings are crying just like a newborn child.
"Just like that, you're doing good!" The entity that spoke earlier is now smiling and standing before her. But the ecstasy she's still experiencing is making her unable to speak.
'What is this feeling?' she asked herself. She was just crying earlier, and what happened? 'This is no different from being babied at all!' she exclaimed. 'Why? Why must I go through something like this when I'm convinced not to be babied?'
The entity knew that something's going on with her. "Huh? The emotion and mentality are resisting the power?!" it said.
'Mentality? Emotion? Entity?' she wonders. She saw the entity coming to her but she's not feeling scared at all. Instead, she wants to hug this entity. But why?
"W-Who..." she tried to speak. Her body is still under the ecstasy so she's clearly having a hard time speaking. As much as she wants to stop this feeling, her desire to embrace it arose even more.
"After all those, a child is still a child," Sigrid heard it very clearly. Not long after that when she felt her eyes getting heavy.
"Where am I...?"
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lilithnov