"If it makes you happy, it doesn't have to make sense to others. – Unknown"
After Jeremy left happily with his new colored hair. Shasha was alone again, but this time she had something she needed to do.
She sat on her favorite spot in her house where she spent most of her time reading her novels and playing her guitar before. She put a laptop on her small study table and started to open Microsoft word. She put on her ear pod and listened to her collection of songs. She thought she needed to regain her typing skill, and get used to Microsoft word once again since she didn't use it for 3 years. She had learnt her typing skills when she was studying at ITT Institute. Typing was one of the main subjects for her secretary course. She still could type at least 80 to 100 words per minute without looking at the keyboard. It was the same like once you knew how to ride a bike, you would always know how to balance your body. The same with typing, she automatically remembered where to punch.
While she was typing whatever she read in the online novel. Her head was filled with so many imaginations. Then she looked at the online novel on her handphone. At the same time the song titled DiE4u by Bring Me the Horizon was playing. It might sound too heavy for the old generation. But not for her, maybe the one inside her body was her younger version. The wild, stubborn, rebellious and never gave a f*** about other matter as long as she was happy.
She opened a new blank word. Automatically her fingers were typing in synced with what had been instructed in her brain. She was immersing herself in her own world. It was as if all the scenes in her head came out one by one and she put it into words and lost track of time.
When she suddenly stopped her typing. She stared at what she had done. There was a story. A story from her imagination. She asked herself "Is this a story?". Before she could give herself an answer, she heard the front door was opened. She knew it must be Sean. She didn't prepare a dinner yet.
She stood up and saw Sean came in. She stared at her husband. Did she love her husband? She was asking herself. 'I do. I would die for him but maybe only in my dream'.
She was choking and let out a cough which made Sean looked at her. She gave her "It's nothing" gesture. Then she asked Sean to wait for her to prepare a dinner.
After both of them had dinner, Sean went to do his own thing. Shasha returned to her laptop and re read what she had typed before. 'Is this what I've imagined?'. Shasha was amazed with the level of her own imagination.
She puckered her lips and decided to put a title on her story. She tried once to write a novel but it seemed like she didn't know how to start. Since all the scenes was still in her head, she continued to type and lost again in her own world.
******
Few months had passed, Shasha had already attended her once a month classes and her novel writing went smoothly. The last report on the condition of her heartbeat was also out. Her heart was still in good condition. Her drum lesson would be put on hold for a while, since she was busy with her novel writing and her assignments.
She didn't put any expectation when she wrote the novel since she was a beginner anyway. Maybe cannot even be called a beginner. There would be so many flaws in it but she didn't care. 'Just learn from trial and error' she said to herself.
There were so many platforms that she could try to publish her novel. Nowadays, there were so many opportunities to show people's talent. Whether it was good or bad, the important thing was, we just need to try. If it didn't work then be it. It would not be the end of the world. Then find something else until we know where our abilities would shine the brightest.
Shasha started to see this clearly. She thought before 'I'm old already, no need to think too much of the world' and eventually this kind of thought made her felt useless.
There was a quote that she liked a lot 'Live not one's life as though one had a thousand years, but live each day as the last". Then when the time for her to bid goodbye to the world, she would not have any regret.
She would give her best like she used to remind a young boy who unexpectedly triggered her enthusiasm back towards life. It might sound nonsense to others but that was what happened to her.
'How he has been doing?' Shasha was wondering. There was a time when she really wanted to try to get in touch with Eden to express her thanks. There would always be a way if she wanted to. Maybe he would not understand why she was thankful to him.
Shasha was contemplating and she decided to wait until the right time. If she was still blocked again, then there would be a good reason behind it.
8 months later, Shasha completed her diploma course and would attend her convocation in few days. For the first time in 48 years, she felt she had achieved something big even though it was just a diploma but she completed it. She had been suspended and dismissed from where she was studying in the past. She made mistakes over and over again.
This time, she made it. It was lucky her parents were still alive to see. She could show to her father that she still could complete her studies. Maybe it took too long to prove that to him but it was not too late.
She intended to continue on studying. She wanted to have a degree. She wanted to see how far she could go. Age is just a number. Sean and her kids had been supportive.
Her marriage with Sean was getting better. At least during those times, once or twice Sean would bring Shasha to have a short vacation where he would not put his attention to his online games at all. Just having a peaceful chat like they used to have in the past.
She was still struggling with the drum though. It would be really nice if she was really a 20 years old girl. She did ask Sean to teach her to play bass since at the first place, she wanted to learn to play guitar because she loved bass. He did teach her few times. And would teach her until she felt satisfied.
Her novel had been published. She read all the criticisms and suggestions from the readers and put them as her guides if she wanted to create another story next time. She had met her Muse online and to that 4 days friend, she really would like to say "Knowing you is one of the best things that have ever happened to me even though it was only for 4 days. I don't know exactly why it happened but it did happen. No matter what you think of me. I just really want to say Thank you my baby, and hope your life will be eased and you will achieve what you've dreamt of because I believe you can. I'm doing fine myself since i met you. Thank you so much My Muse".
*****
3 years later...
"I want to go somewhere for a vacation!" Shasha was hugging Sean and she tried to make a pleading face.
"Just wait for me to finish my project okay?" said Sean and he gave a peck on Shasha's lips.
"No! I don't want to wait. I've just finished my degree and I really need to celebrate it. I will go with Shirley and my friends first. Only ladies" Shasha wiped her lips with her hands and stubbornly declared her plan.
Sean stared at her, he showed her a smile and he sigh. "Will all of you be okay there?" Sean concernly asked.
"Hah! there won't be any problem. We have a tour guide there" Shasha was giving Sean her sweetest smile.
A week later, Shasha was packing her luggage. She would go for a vacation to IXXX Country with her daughter and her friends. She stopped when she heard a notification from her handphone.
Ding!
(You have 1 new message)
She read the message and she smiled with a twinkle in her eyes.
{ F. I . N }