My name is... well, it doesn't matter anymore. I'm dead anyway. I can feel darkness encroaching. My body is crushed and my mind is getting fuzzier by the second. It doesn't hurt anymore. I've gone past pain, past being in shock and my brain is shutting down now. The last few hours were the most excruciating hours of my life.
But wait. How did this all happen? Well it's pretty simple actually. You see I was just walking home from work in the evening like normal, and stopped at the supermarket to buy some food. Nothing special there. I was anxious to get home to read the new chapters of the online novels I like.
I enjoy anime as well, but these days I just keep up to date with my favourites and occasionally check out the new ones. I prefer reading. Then all of a sudden people were screaming. Wondering what was going on, I looked outside the windows and saw a massive truck just about to crash into the supermarket.
Now I know what you're thinking, something along the lines of 'Truck-kun!' right? Well sort of. It wasn't an ordinary truck that's for sure, but one of those massive double hitched petrol tankers. It came barreling into the building at massive speed, shattering the glass and flattening anything in it's way. Thankfully no one was in the way, the supermarket was pretty empty this evening.
But that wasn't the problem. It barrelled through the supporting pillars of the building! This supermarket is just a middle sized local supermarket. It's not in a shopping centre or anything like that, so it's only a one story building. This means that there isn't a whole superstructure around to support it. The only saving grace about this whole situation is that the truck didn't leak any petrol or catch fire. None of this matters to me though.
I watched as half of the building came crashing down on my side in the frozen section, my last stop in the store. I somehow managed to protect my head, or I was just lucky, or maybe unlucky considering the next few hours. The next thing I know, my legs were crushed along with my left arm. I went into shock for a little while, but it went away after about half an hour of slow and deep breaths. This was a tricky situation and I knew if I wanted to live, I needed to have a clear head.
After the shock wore off, the pain started. Now I could begin describing it like white hot knives mixed with the feeling of being shredded but honestly, how many people actually know what either of those feel like? I don't, or at least I didn't. So yeah... I spent a good long while just trying to think through the pain and when i finally could, I took stock of the situation.
I was getting quite a bit of light and could see the sky through parts of the concrete. I could hear the sirens as well as people shouting out. It didn't take long to be found after shouting a while, but the rescue services said they'd need a while to get me out.
That would take time. Time I didn't have. I was already quite lightheaded from the blood loss from my crushed limbs. Then the worst happened. A big block of concrete hovering over me suddenly gave way. It landed directly on my pelvis and crushed everything in the bottom half of my torso.
I just laughed derisively to myself. As soon as that happened I knew I was dead. Even before that I knew I would be extremely lucky to have even partial recovery of my limbs. Most likely they would've been amputated. But I was still hopeful damnit! I even kept extremely still and never moved despite the pain just for the best chances for my limbs!
*Sigh* "I guess this is it then. Ha ha haaaa... *Cough Cough*. Ah shit, this isn't good. Well I guess I just have to wait for death to come now. I just hope to find something that truly inspires me in the next life. If there even is a next life haha *Cough*"
That's it. My life flashes before me now. Huh, I always wondered if that was true or not. I grew up in a nice middle class home with good parents. I was the middle child of 3 brothers.
I grew up doing a lot of different sports and activities. I lost count after ten. Everything from football, cricket, rugby all the way to gymnastics, trampolining and dancing. It was fun, but none of them ever really stuck in the way you see little kids having the time of their life with sparkles in their eyes.
I changed schools quite often so I never really had a group of long lasting friends. I was always a little envious of my brothers for having that, but I moved on and learned to enjoy my own company by simple repitition, so I was a bit of a loner. I didn't mind really. I enjoy my own company these days. That's probably an excuse for being seriously lonely but it's what I told myself to not fall deeper into a hole.
I never finished school in the end despite doing well, dropping out due to mental health issues. I won't go into detail, but I recovered somewhat a few years later. I was 20 at that point and got a job at a small fabrication company. I loved it there honestly. I could feel myself improve at it daily. Plus it was a locally owned place with a small crew including the owner, so it never felt like I was just another human resource. I got very good at my job over the years until today.
Despite everything, it was a good life. I just never found something to be truly passionate about. My job was great, but I was still hoping it would be a stepping stone to something greater. I was physically active, decent at Mauy Thai and Jiu Jitsu but nowhere near pro level or anything.
I just smiled while thinking back on my life. It was good and I had fun despite the hardships and never finding my calling. The encroaching darkness finally came and I could feel myself slipping away. My last thoughts were hoping for reincarnation like those novels but i doubt it.
I didn't save a little girl from a truck, I didn't save the future president or cure cancer or anything. And I highly doubt some ROB will show up and apologise for accidentally killing me. I mean i've read cultivation novels before so I know that even if that happened, the ROB simply wouldn't care in the slightest.
Then the darkness came and those were my last thoughts.... or not. There was darkness all around but the darkness gave way to the light here. It was too bright so I tried to stop it, yet I couldn't do anything! Looking around quickly I found that 'looking' was weird. I could 'see' 360 degrees around myself!
The bright light was coming from all around me and blobs of amorphous colour were there too, floating in this bright void just like me. Some were bright white, some were pitch black but those were few and far between. Most were just grey with different colours mixed in, including strange colours that can't possibly have been seen using physical eyes.
Most had a multitude of different colours but a core of a dominant colour. For some reason I could also see myself. I'm going to assume these are other souls until something proves me wrong. I mean, I died, and I don't stand out in this crowd of blobs either. It's a leap in logic but i'm not going to question myself at this point.
I couldn't see the end of either side of this sea of souls, but we were all floating in this massive void of white with bright white light shining from literally every direction. Time felt weird here. It could've been an hour or could've been a week, but eventually something changed.
Pain. Pain like nothing I've ever expereinced even at death ripped through me. I couldn't think, I couldn't move and then the next thing I know, everything stopped.
Looking around again, I was the only soul left here, and I was... frayed is the best term, at the edges. Every other soul was gone, it's just me here now, however there was a stream of colour flowing up to the the top of the void. Clearly, every other soul was torn apart and reduced to a river of particles. I don't know why I wasn't reduced to dust like the rest, however I was terrified! A kind of primal fear that i've never experienced before.
The one thing that changed was that I can move now! I don't know how, or why, but I don't care. The question is... where can I go? I'm in a godforsaken white void with nothing around! Fuck! And I doubt I can last through whatever the hell that was again.
I'm heavily frayed at the edges, some of my memories are fuzzy now, but as soon as I started to panic... it never came. That seizing panic that stops all thought as you freeze up like a deer in headlights? It never came. Maybe that is a response of the physical mind and body? I could only guess at this point.
I don't care, i'll count my blessings. However, just when I started to 'move' around, another change happened. More blobs, i.e. souls, started appearing again. Grey, black, all the colours of the rainbow, white, weird chromatic colours that defy description and more besides. The void started filling up with more souls again.
I'm obviously not supposed to have awareness right now seeing as there is no struggle from any other souls. I don't even know why I do. I don't have peerless willpower like Rock Lee, Naruto or Luffy. Maybe above average at best? I'm not the bravest person but i'm no coward.
There's nothing special about me that would make me stand out from others. There are smarter people, more determined people, more creative people, more talented people etc. I should know, i've met many. I'll chalk this up to a fluke and leave it at that.
Anyway, no use thinking about that right now. As the void continued to fill up, the fear crept back in. I knew it was only a matter of time until that force from before came back. The void kept filling with souls and the fear kept getting heaver and heaver until it went way past dread and to the level of some primal fear like a mouse being petrified of a cat. Worse even. I knew I wouldn't just die from it, i'd stop existing. Stop being me. Be literally unmade.
For some reason, panic never came and I could still think which was beyond weird, but I don't have time for that right now! I was frantic! I moved. I kept swishing around as a soul, moving through the new souls that had appeared. Maybe I could find an edge to this void? With that thought in mind, I kept going in one direction, at least I think I did. It's hard to tell with no distinguishing factors.
New souls eventually stopped appearing, and I knew what was coming. I was really, really desperate right now. I didn't want to be unmade. I hadn't made it to the edge, if there is an edge to this void to begin with. I couldn't move up or down despite being in a seemingly infinite void, so only the cardinal directions were possible. If I was calmer I might have found that weird, but it was barely a passing thought. The only other things around me were other people's souls.
At this point, I had an idea... however horrific it was. It was either try it, or be completely unmade. So, with barely any thought, I zoomed to the nearest soul to me and attacked it! My idea was this: my soul was frayed and falling apart. I wouldn't last even half the time the power lasts for. So, i will gamble on the small chance that I could absorb another soul to repair my own. I've read novels where the protagonist transmigrates and their souls merge with the host, making the soul stronger.
In hindsight, this decision has more implications than I care to mention. However, this was literally the only option I had at the moment. The moment I reached the nearest soul I attacked. Relying on pure instinct, I ripped, shredded and clawed my way into the soul. I brought chunks of black blobs into myself one piece at a time until nothing was left.
The moment I finished, the power came back and the pain started again. All thought stopped and my world went blank. Only pain existed. There are no words to describe it, none at all. No comparisons to be made. Even a broken heart, which I have experienced, didn't hurt like this. I had no time to check if it worked before the power came back and the pain started, but by the time it stopped, I figured I had done something right as I still existed. Yes! Yes! YES!!!
Everything around me was silent as I did a little mental jig. Looking around, I'm alone again, and the dust of the previous souls is flowing in a raging river upwards just to disappear again. I'm still here. I still exist. Now then... I just need to wait for more souls to appear, tear them apart and become stronger!!!
Wait! I mentally screeched to a halt. That thought was dark as fuck. I've had some dark thoughts in my life before, much darker than that even, however that thought would NEVER be my first reaction. I quickly inspected myself and... FUCK! I may not be fraying anymore and am even a little bigger than I was previoulsy, however my colour has changed. I was grey before, a light grey with swirls of different ranbow colours and even a few parts of those weird non-colours that defy description.
However, now, that's changed. The soul I tore apart, god that was fun. Shit! Stop thinking that! The soul from before was black. I didn't pay much attention before, just grabbed the nearest soul to feast on. Fuck! Stop it! Now, the edges of my soul are tainted black. It wasn't the darkest soul i've seen as some were like black holes sucking in all the light, however it was very dark. Shit.
Of course the colours mean something you moron! Good job! Yeah, hindsight is 20-20, but who cares? Fuck! Stop these thoughts! I care! But do I? Yes! Shit stop already! Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit! I'm turning into an evil motherfucker!
Okay, okay calm down mate, don't freak out. All is not lost yet. What do I do? Eh?
The moment I had that thought, new souls started appearing again, and wouldn't you know, a pure white soul appeared not far from me that shined like a star. Hmm... maybe? I wonder how good it will feel to destroy such beauty and innocence? Shit! I need to do this quick.
Without thinking any further, I swooshed over to the shining white soul and tore into it, taking it's radiance as my own. As the last pieces of the soul were sucked into my own, I relaxed significantly. Those dark thoughts I was having edged away and I felt myself return to a calm state of mind, errr... soul, again.
Inspecting myself, what I found was surprising. I was bigger than before, one of the biggest souls i've seen now. However it was my colours that surprised me. Maybe it's not surprising in the least, however did you know that evil and good do not simply cancel eachother out? No? You would think so wouldn't you, but the white and black parts of my soul swirled around eachother, never mixing into grey.
Okay... shit. My thoughts are more balanced now, but i'm still having incredibly dark thoughts, however now i'm also having super innocent thoughts as well. I found myself appreciating the Absolute Majesty of this white void and the beauty of other souls around me much more than I was before. Okay... I can live with this. I screwed up big time, but at least i'm balanced now.
Thank fuck I didn't take in a black-hole like soul. I'm currently leaning just slightly towards the 'good' side of the spectrum. This does not mean however that i'm now on the 'side of good' or some other bullshit like that. Even when I was alive, I wasn't a bad person, but I had some pretty fucked up thoughts. I never shared them with others nor did I act on them, but the point still stands.
Speaking of when I was alive... oookay... yeah, it seems that absorbing souls has more consequences than just active thoughts. Shit! Of course this would happen! This was why it was a desperate last measure! In case you hadn't figured it out yet, I have memories that are not my own, yet they are, yet they aren't. Confused? You should be!
It seems I was blocking them out before, but now that I have a plan of action to survive, I can think much more calmly. Memories of a dude names Joe. He was a pretty high up member of a gang. He raped, killed, robbed etc. As for the other set of memories... I think i'm going to be sick.
A girl named Beth, 6 years old. She had an absolutely wonderful life with her parents full of love. Died in a car crash. Instant death, she didn't even register the accident before she died so her soul still shone brightly after death as there was no associated trauma. No wonder her soul was so fucking bright and had so few other colours. Such innocence. And I tore it apart. The only reason I haven't thrown up everywhere is that I have no body.
At least I'm still me... mostly. My 'core' memories so to speak, are all still there at the very centre of my soul. Speaking of which... they're very clear. My memories I mean, they're extremely clear to me. I never had a bad memory but it wasn't super amazing or anything. Now though... I can remember everything like watching a movie, or those crazy photographic memories main characters always have.
Is this because i'm a soul now? I remember shit that there is no possible way I would have recalled when alive. Like the colour of the shoes of my babysitter when I was 1 year old, or the sound they made when she walked. Hell before now, I didn't remember her at all and only knew about her from my parents later in life. Now I remember her name, face, clothes, smell and everything else as well! Holy crap!
And it's all in chronological order as well. Every book i've ever read remembered in perfect clarity, even stuff I skimmed through or read fast like those bajillion chapter long cultivation novels. Who remembers that? I know for a fact that this is a side effect of being just a soul. There's no other explanation. Even those people in documentaries with perfect memory that can recall what day of the week it was if they are asked about a random date could never even compare to this!
Okay I got sidetracked. Memories though... this is a problem. A big problem. I might be 'me' now, but the more souls I absorb, the more memories I take in and I'm afraid i'll lose myself.
Before I could introspect any further, my world turned to pain and all thought stopped yet again. I was so lost in thought that I didn't notice another cycle of souls appearing. The power that turned souls to dust returned.
When it ended, I quickly inspected myself. I was smaller than before, yet still bigger than most souls, and some memories of both Beth's life and Joe's life are no longer there now. Big chunks of memories were gone.
Snapping out of my thoughts, I went back to the task at hand: surviving. With the end goal being of getting out of this void. I don't have time for introspection! That was a rude wake up call, but it certainly helped clear my mind.
Now actively focusing on my goals, I kept moving in a single direction again, trying to find an edge as fast as I could. When new souls started appearing again, I looked for a soul that had a similar a colour to my own soul when I arrived here to absorb next. I found a light grey soul of the same shade, slightly different rainbow swirls and slightly different non-colour strange colours. Good enough.
I tore it apart, absorbed it, and kept moving. As I was moving however, I fiddled around with the absorbtion of the new soul to see what I could do about the memories of the other person. If I could do anything. I had no idea how I could touch stuff with my soul, or move around either. I didn't extend tendrils of soul power or anything. But I didn't question it and kept trying different things.
Whilst moving, I discovered that I could section off the memories from the absorbed souls into the outer edges of my own, away from my core. Don't ask me how it works as I don't know either. But again, I didn't question it for now and kept moving.
Time passed. A few more cycles of new souls and the power that turns souls to dust came and went. I was beginning to get used to the pain. Well I say that, but really the only thing that happened was that I was able to think and move around, albeit extremely slowly, whilst the power was tearing my existence apart. Most of my mind was still occupied with pain, but it was getting better.
I've absorbed a few more souls that were close in colour contrast to my own during this time and I noticed something. The bigger my soul got, the faster my thoughts became. I only noticed because the time interval of the cycles increased. However, I know this isn't the case since it didn't before, so it was clearly my perception that had changed.
I also scoured the souls I absorbed for useful memories as well. Things like skills and languages. I want to live again! I might as well get some advantages if I can. Any memories that are heavily tained in emotions, good or bad, are discarded to the edges, but useful stuff is wiped of self-identity and taken into my core memories. Again, don't ask how I can do this, I don't know, I just can.
I'm clearly changing from this process, but I can still clearly identify myself as 'ME', so I'm not too worried. Or maybe that's just a side effect? Eh, doesn't matter right now.
As my soul got bigger and bigger, I felt stronger as well. I moved through this sea of souls faster. My thoughts got faster. My willpower kept getting stronger and stronger. Earlier, when I said I didn't have willpower like Rock Lee or Luffy, that was true. However, I'm slowly catching up. I can feel it.
My will to live is growing. I can ignore the pain of my soul being turned to dust more and more. It's honestly an incredibly intoxicating feeling, getting stronger despite the literal soul-tearing pain. I've read novels where people lose themselves in their own power from growing stronger too fast. The only reason that isn't happening is simply because I remember with perfect clarity those very novels, some dark as fuck, describing in detail what happens to those kinds of people. Well, that and the pain.
Cycles came and went. I honestly don't remember how many cycles happened at this point and I have no idea how long i've spent here as time is subject to my own speed of thought, which is exponentially improving from absorbing other souls.
I've absorved over 15 different souls now, and i'm by far the strongest soul here. I've learned 8 languages: Russian, Chinese, Japanese, Spanish, Italian, French, Latin and German. I've changed a lot. I can still tell that i'm 'ME', however it's become rather obvious that i've changed tremendously.
Due to the souls i absorbed (apart from the first 2) being similar to my own colour scheme, i didn't change too much from my core personality. For instance, i'm marginally more creative than before, but it's not a big difference. I can tell that by the diversity of my thoughts increasing slightly. I haven't taken in any souls that have a core colour different to my own after the first 2.
However, the more souls I absorbed, the more memories I witnessed. And it's not just witnessing memories that aren't yours. They ARE yours now. Even when I section them to the edges of my soul, they are still MY memories now. Meaning when I look through them, it's as if it was MY life. I've experienced entire lifetimes of different people as though I lived them.
From birth to death. Different experiences, different emotions etc. I wouldn't say i've become more wise or anything, well maybe a little, but I just feel... I suppose well travelled is the best way to describe it. I know how it feels to have children now, the emotions entailed. The primal instinct to protect. The absolute and pure emotions connected to it.
I've lived through darkness i've never even imagined. One of the souls I absorbed was from a man in his 90's who fled the USSR. It was completely surreal and extraordinary to witness it as if I was there myself.
The feeling of getting old. I know it now. I was in my 20's when I died. I've absorbed some souls that died of old age. If I ever live again, i'm going to do my absolute best to avoid that. I won't run from my natural lifespan like Orochimaru or Voldemort, but I will try to find something to keep my body young till my last breath. Lets just say that getting old is not a fun time.
Immediately, all my thoughts stopped. Something changed. I managed to reach the edge of the whiteness as a vast blackness I can scarecely comprehend spreads out more sublimely than the infinite void of space.