Aurette Carnelian's anger had always been something like a sheathed knife, something Morana always knew was there and present, just waiting to be brandished like a weapon. Sometimes her mother would unsheathe this weapon, twirl it in her fingers, and Morana would leave with a couple bruises. But she always knew that her mother was fully capable of taking it further.
In was in this loop that Morana finally witnessed it. The deep fury and insanity that had always lurked behind the dark pits of her mother's eyes. It happened quickly, and soon all she was aware of was the pain: her body burning, flaring, the screeching, roaring voice of her mother somewhere behind it all. Morana curled up on the floor and could not do anything but let it happen. A feeling of helplessness engulfed he as she was kicked and punched.
She wondered whether this was the end of this hell, this nightmare. Perhaps this hell had been a blessing in disguise, having finally given her to say no to walking down the path her mother had thrust upon her. To finally swear and curse at her mother for treating her daughter this way.
The child smiled through the pain.
Slowly, the cold darkness swept in, and she embraced it like the familiar friend it was.
~*~
A lulling song, a beautiful voice.
She sat by the window, her golden hair cascading down the back of the chair, bristling ever so slightly in the breeze as the wind blew through the large open windows. The strangely familiar woman's eyes were a dark, oaky brown, like the color of varnished wood. She was beautiful without effort, and though her face seemed pinched and stiff she rocked the cradle by her side dutifully, her crystal clear voice soothing the child that lay inside.
"What a fragile thing you are."
She reached down into the cradle and brushed a stray tuft of curly chestnut hair from the child's face. "Fret not, now, Morana…"
The scene changed and melted in upon itself as Morana watched.
It was that room again. Decorated in dark colors, curtains drawn. This was the room she had woken up to for a thousand loops, she knew the scene well. A woman that was Morana herself lay on the bed, and soon, she knew, she would wake.
Suddenly, her breathing quickened and her eyes snapped wide open. It was odd, watching herself from the outside. Her dark chestnut hair was a mess, dark circles under her eyes. She popped upright, touching her face, almost clawing it as she started to scream.
The other "her" just kept screaming, tears falling from her eyes. Servants rushed in, tried to hush her, but she bat them away in a frenzy, her screams never ceasing.
Morana stared at the unfamiliar scene. Had there been a loop like this? She could not recall.
She stood and stared at herself for what seemed like days. The other Morana had eventually banished the servants that bothered her, and she had barricaded herself in her room. Other Morana spent her days curled up in the corner, in the dark, and Morana knew not whether her other self was still breathing.
Every now and then, though, she could hear herself mumbling.
"I'm sorry, I won't, please stop…"
She mumbled those words like a chant, a chant to keep some sort of evil away. Morana reached out to brush her arm, wanting to ask what herself what she was so terrified of, when the other "her" suddenly looked up, her crazed eyes looking straight into her soul.
"STOP!-"
~*~
Morana bolted up in her own bed, her heart racing.
It took her a moment to realize where she was. It was the same room, but different. A different time, she supposed, slowly remembering that she was indeed ten years of age again, and her heart rate slowed as she remembered this, some relief finding her that she had somewhat broken out of the hell the dream had recalled – and perhaps hopped into an entirely new one.
She looked down at her hands, wrapped heavily in bandages. A quick feel of her legs and stomach revealed that they were similarly bandaged. Somehow, she had lived. This strange life would continue. She supposed it made sense. Her blood seemed to make it hard for any wound to truly take.
Morana stood shakily from her bed, and everything hurt. Despite that, she made her way over to the windows and pulled back the curtains. A dull morning light fell through, a faint drizzle of rain falling over the meadow outside her window. Her heart fell fully calm.
The dream was fuzzy now. But somehow, she felt she had seen a similar scene, with this window, with a similar light.
"Was it…mother?"
The golden-haired lady, that had rocked her and sung to her. In appearance, at least, it had to have been Lady Aurette. But although her demeanour was definitely stiff as she had cared for Morana's baby self, it had been much softer than she could remember. This confused Morana. Of course, it had just been a dream, same with the part that had come after.
Morana knew she had looped countless times, and she knew many times she had gone into quite a crazed fury, but she knew that scene in the darkened room was completely unfamiliar to her.
Just a dream, she thought.
She tugged the string that sounded the servant bell next to her bed. Morana knew very certainly now that this strange hell must be a reality, or at least, it was just as real as every other loop she had experienced.
More quickly than she had expected, the door flew open, starling her as there wasn't so much as the usual knock. She turned to see a single maid, carrying a tray of soup which she set down hurriedly at the bedside table.
"My lady!" The maid gasped, rushing forward, and grabbing Morana, rather roughly, by the arms.
"Wh-what are-" Morana flinched.
Before she could register what was happening the maid firmly pushed her down to sit on the bed. As if only realizing her insolence, the maid retracted her hands and flinched back.
"My lady, I'm so terribly sorry, just…" Her eyes flicked back and forth as different thoughts raced through her mind. "Just! You shouldn't be out of bed! You are badly bruised and you shouldn't be up, but I was rough and insolent so I am terribly terribly sorry –"
"Stop!" Morana said.
The maid dropped to her knees. "Please I am so very sorry! Forgive me, miss."
"Its fine. Just… "Morana said, staring down at the maid. "What happened?"
The maid then told Morana what had happened. Apparently, sensing something amiss in the tone of Lady Aurette's voice that day, she had followed Morana down and lingered near by. Of course, she had heard it when her mother had started screaming.
Tears began to roll down the maid's cheeks as she told her story.
"But.. I was scared… so I waited, an when Lady Aurette left the room I snuck in and found you…"
"…. And the lady?"
"I.. saw her. Lady Aurette had been dragging someone behind her when she left, I didn't quite see who..."
"I see."
"I'm so sorry."
The maid was still crying, tears streaming down her cheeks.
"What are you apologizing for?" Morana sighed.
"I always noticed that my lady left that room with a terrible face, especially the first time… and this time, when I heard the screams, I could do nothing but wait..."
The maid trembled on her knees as she confessed this, her sorrow and regret quite blatant and genuine. Morana stared down at the shivering servant.
"…pft."
"…My lady?"
"And what do you supposed you were meant to do?" Morana asked, a hand covering her mouth to stifle her laughter. "Do you suggest that you, a mere servant, should defy the will of a Duchess of Carnelian?" Finally, Morana could take it no longer, the laughter bubbling forward in a flood. As she laughed, the maid's cheeks flushed red.
"My… my lady, I am quite serious!" The maid protested as Morana continued to laugh. "Ch…Children should be protected!" She exclaimed.
Morana wiped a tear from her eye. So that was why, she thought. She protected me because I am a child, not because of who I am. Morana had almost forgotten she was in this child's body. But still, this was the first time she had met someone who would even entertain the idea of defying a Duchess for her, Morana - a murderer.
It was well worth it to do something different, Morana thought. What an interesting sight she got to see.
"What is your name?" Morana asked, flopping back into bed. The maid rose to her feet, her expression still indignant.
"...Etelvina, my lady."
Etelvina. So she followed her down to her mother's basement room, huh? Then she probably did so the last time. Suddenly, Morana remembered. This woman, who had always seemed to devoted and caring before, and suddenly becoming cold, looking… scared. In her original life she must have somehow known what had occurred, what Morana had done to that woman, and afterwards...
So her name was Etelvina.
"Then, Etel."
Morana pulled the covers over herself, and she giggled again as she remembered before.
"You are forgiven, Etel." Morana said with a smile.
Etel bowed deeply. "Thank you, my lady, you are very gracious." Sheepishly, she continues. "There is one more thing, my lady."
"Yes?"
"The Duke, he happened to be home that day." Etelvina said. "He heard of the what occurred, and he plans to stop by."