By the time I got home, I was in the odd state of feeling both exhausted and energized at the same time. Exercising made me feel good and gave me energy, but the workout also made my muscles tired.
The exhaustion wasn't enough to make me give up on my day, though. I had to find a job.
I unlaced my running shoes and tossed them into the closet, then slung my bag over a kitchen chair back. Washing my hands and splashing some water on my face, I thought about what to make for a quick breakfast.
Deciding on fruit and a quick tea, I busied myself in the kitchen and then took it up to my room with me.
As I ate, I tried to decide what to wear while I dropped off resumes. I couldn't look too casual, but I couldn't look too formal either.
Holding a banana in one hand, I took garments out of the closet with the other. I spent time trying to decide if I should wear a pair of grey slacks or one of my skirts.
Unable to decide, I realized that I couldn't choose either way without deciding what I would wear on the top-half of my body at the same time. So, taking a sip of tea, I returned to the closet and pulled out all the dress shirts and nice blouses I had.
Dropping the armful of tops on the bed, I began to arrange them into what I thought would make good outfits.
Flip-flopping on my arrangements, I switched the tops around. I sighed. I was unable to picture which pieces would look good together, until I had them next to each other.
Soon, I heard a knock on my bedroom door.
"Come in!", I called.
The door opened and Amanda's head appeared.
"Hey, is everything okay?", she asked worriedly.
I let out a groan of frustration. Amanda opened the door wider.
"What's going on?"
"I can't seem to get this right." I sighed in exasperation. "It shouldn't be this difficult to pick out one outfit!"
"Hmm. What is the occasion again?", she asked thoughtfully.
"I am going out to hand out resumes."
"Um, okay. Wait, shouldn't you get moving then?"
I glanced at the clock. She was right. I should start hurrying. After all, I planned on using public transportation to travel from place to place.
"Alright. Here's the game plan.", Amanda said with determination, "You go hop into the shower and I'll figure out the outfit. Then, if you need me to, I will print off resumes for you while you finish getting ready."
"Deal!", I said as I hurried to grab my toiletries.
I left Amanda standing in front of my closet and went to go start the shower.
As I washed my hair in the shower, I thought about how difficult things in life were, compared to how easy they could be.
I reflected on the present moment as an example. Instead of spending my time showering and getting ready, I could pray to the Great Goddess of All to fix my problem. Because I was favoured by her, if I asked her, she would do it.
If I was lazy, I would find myself clean, dressed and perfectly ready to go in an instant, due to her power.
But I was not lazy, nor was I willing to waste her awesome powers in such a frivolous manner. I would rather call on her for important matters, ones that I could not solve myself.
I did not want her to find my actions those of a lazy, selfish and unintelligent person.
I wanted to earn her respect and love as much as she had earned mine.
As I finished up my shower, I wished not that she would get me what I wanted, but that she would lead me to the path that was right for me. And that I would recognize that path when I saw it.
Stepping out of the shower, I towel dried off and began to comb out my hair.
I heard a knock on the door.
"Sinead? I found the outfit." Amanda called.
"Wonderful! Thank you."
"Do you need me to print you off any resumes?"
"Yes, please. But only if you have the time."
"They're on a USB then?"
"Yeah, the blue one that's sticking out of my laptop."
"Alright!"
I put on undergarments and wrapped a towel around my middle. I collected up my stuff and headed back to my room.
The chosen outfit was laid out on the bed. I liked it instantly. It was perfect. There was flesh-coloured pantyhose, my dark grey tweed skirt, a beautiful blouse (it wasn't mine- obviously Amanda had lent it to me), along with a pale gold tank to go under it, complete with a thin belt, a classic black purse and suitable jewellery.
I smiled. I knew I could count on her. I put the outfit on and chose a pair of flats to go with it. As I was applying a little makeup, Amanda appeared again with a small stack of paper in her hands.
"I have them here, but I couldn't find a stapler.", she said breathlessly.
"That's alright. I think I know where one is."
She sat down the papers.
"Is there anything else I can help you with? I wish I didn't have to work, so that I could drive you around myself. It'll take two or three times as long taking the buses."
"That may be. Thank you, but no, I don't need anything else. You've done more than enough."
"Well then, I wish you good luck!"
Amanda left, closing the door softly behind her.
I finished making sure everything was in order; that I had everything I needed, that I looked presentable, that the resumes were stapled, and I knew which buses left at what time.
I left the house in good humour, with confidence and mirth.
An hour and a half before sunset, I wondered if I looked as dishevelled as I felt. At every place I went, I was turned down.
Some weren't hiring, others said I wasn't what they were looking for. I tried at places run by werewolves, humans, and out of desperation, a couple vampire run venues, and even one frequented by warlocks.
I didn't get a single audition. Half of them wouldn't even accept my resume 'just in case'.
I sighed feeling dejected. This was significantly harder than I thought it would be.
The place mentioned the other day by Elizabeth and Luke, the werewolf bar within Alpha David's pack grounds, came to my mind. I brushed the thought away. I didn't want to take the easy way out, or to owe a favour.
Something about owing a favour to Alpha David made me uncomfortable. It wasn't that he was a bad man, or that I distrusted him.
But there was still a dangerous side to him. I felt it was the same side that his anger during our last conversation sprouted from. Same with that controlling, possessiveness that bothered me so much. That was the thing that got under my skin and gave me such a sense of unease.
It didn't help that as soon as he showed that side of himself, something in me instantly wanted to rebel and do the exact opposite.
The ding sound of the bell that marked someone pulling on the cord and requesting a stop, brought me to the present. Noting where we were, I realized there was only five more stops before I needed to get off the bus.
I felt tired and knew that once I got home, I would feel like being a hermit. I would need some time to myself to get over my disappointment, get out of my funk, get a plan together, and figure out how to put it into action.
I couldn't just give up, even though at this moment, that is exactly what I felt like doing.
I tried to close my eyes for a moment, ground myself and calm my thoughts. For some reason it was particularly hard to do. I kept trying until I heard my stop announced.
I got off the bus and walked the sidewalks until I got to my street.
Soon, I was at the front door. I unlocked it, went in and then locked it again behind me as if I could somehow lock the whole world out.
'Funny,' I thought, 'even those who are favoured by the Great Goddess of All have bad days.' A bitter-sweet smile appeared on my lips.
"Hello. Welcome back."
I turned my head to see Saoirse in the archway of the hall.
"Hi, Saoirse.", I said quietly, "I didn't have a good day today. I am not ready to talk about it yet. I sort of feeling like being alone."
With an empathetic look, she walked over and gave me a big hug. I relaxed in her arms and felt some of the stress and upset fade away.
I knew she was using a healing, calming magic of the witches on me.