In the end, nothing changed even after I came to this school. No, that's wrong… Maybe I never had any intention of changing. For better or worse, it's always been the same for me. After all, I understand myself better than anyone else.
I know everything about myself, including my strengths and weaknesses. I know that none of the boys or girls like me. Even knowing that, I've never thought to change.
But it doesn't matter. It doesn't hurt me anymore. Because for some reason, I want them to feel that way.
As I got out of the shower, I stood and looked at myself in the mirror— completely naked, drops of water trickling down my skin. How many times had I thought about smashing the mirror to pieces? Every time I saw that old wound on my side, it was like diving back into my disgusting past.
Dizzy and nauseated, I gripped the sink and vomited.
Why did I have to have to go through such an awful experience? Why do I have to suffer like this? Why, why, why? I've asked that question for a long time now. Words don't mean anything. The past can't change. No one can change it. God is cruel. My life was destroyed because of that nightmarish day. I lost my youth, my friends, and even myself.
I have to fix that mistake. No matter how much people hate me, it'll be better than suffering like that again. I don't need youth. I don't need friends. The most important thing is protecting myself. I'll do whatever it takes. I'm a parasite, a weak creature that can't survive on its own.