"Yoshida-senpai, you've been fiddling with your smartphone a lot lately." Mishima said, poking at her fried salmon lunch with her chopsticks.
I held my breath as I dreaded the topic. The memory of Gotou-san asking me the same thing was still fresh in my mind.
"Gotou-san told me the same thing."
As I replied with a slight frown, Mishima pouted. She seemed to be in a bad mood.
"That means you fiddle with your smartphone so much that even your boss knows about it."
"Well, it's not like it's banned or something. I'm not even hiding it in the first place."
"Hmph, is that so?"
Mishima snorted, then took a mouthful of rice and salmon. After chewing for a while and swallowing the food in her mouth, she spoke again. Speaking of which, Mishima hasn't been talking while chewing as much recently. Is she being conscious about it now?
"Are you texting with Sayu-chan?" "Well, it's almost always with Sayu." "Really?"
"Yeah, that's right. I exchanged contact info with a few others, but I hardly talk to them."
"Oh, really?"
Mishima squinted then stretched her hands out to me with her palms up. "What?"
"Show me."
"Huh?"
"Your contact list. I'm curious who you're chatting with." "Huh…? What's the point of looking at something like that?"
I said that but thought there wasn't really a reason to hide it either, so I got my smartphone out of my pocket. Rather, it'd be more bothersome for this
topic to continue any further.
I opened the messaging app and selected the 'Friends' tab before handing it to Mishima. Mishima took the smartphone and looked stunned.
"So few!"
"That's what I said."
"No, it's so much fewer than I imagined. Don't you have any friends from your school days…?"
"I contact them through email. There's no one that I'd chat with on a messaging app."
"I see… Gotou-san, Sayu-chan, and…?" Mishima suddenly furrowed her brows. "Who is this 'Ao'?"
"It's Kanda-senpai." "…Hmm."
Mishima stared sharply at me and spat out. "You sure work fast, huh?!"
"What are you talking about?!"
"You didn't even ask for my contact info…" "Well, I don't need it."
"Oh, does that mean you need Kanda-senpai's contact info?! What do you need it for when you're not even in the same department?!"
"Shut up! It's not like I asked for it! What's wrong with you?!"
Since Mishima raised her voice, I raised mine too. If Hashimoto was here, he'd surely be laughing.
Since Hashimoto was invited to lunch by a boss today, only the two of us were eating.
"Since you look pitiful with such few friends, I'll add my contact info for you."
"It's fine. I don't want it."
"What's wrong with you? Saying that you don't want it or need it! Aren't you being rude?!"
"It's ruder to say I look pitiful with such few friends!"
With her cheeks puffed, Mishima tapped away on my smartphone before showing me the screen. On my 'Friends' list, there's a new name 'Yu' registered.
"Why 'Yu'?"
"It's 'Yu' for 'Yuzuha.' What's up with 'yoshida-man,' senpai?" "Every last one of you pointing that out…"
I never thought that the username 'yoshida-man' that I barely gave any thought to would get teased by everyone to this extent.
"Here you go."
Mishima handed my smartphone back and picked up her chopsticks. I placed the smartphone back into my pocket and slurped my Chinese noodles. The Chinese noodles got soggy quicker than usual. But surprisingly, I didn't mind these slightly soggy noodles.
"Um… senpai."
Mishima called out in a small voice. She had her gaze down at the table, looking much different from before in a downhearted manner.
"…What?"
I was so surprised by the sudden change in Mishima's mood that I stopped eating and looked at her.
"I… I think I've been working with you for quite a while already." "I guess so."
"We eat out together a lot. We also went to a movie together." "Yeah, we did."
Mishima glared at me but dropped her gaze again immediately.
"…As it is, I think we're rather close already. You saying that you don't want my contact info… It hurts my feelings."
I quivered as I didn't know how to respond to what Mishima had said. "Is there anything wrong with seeing me as something more than a
junior?"
"Well…"
"Am I such an unimportant existence to you…?" "Hang on."
I interrupted Mishima and waved my hands.
"How did it turn out like this? I didn't say anything like that."
"If I matter at all, wouldn't you at least exchange contact info with me? Even if it wasn't necessary? I think this is more about if you want to or not, rather than if there's a need to or not."
"No, it's not like that…"
It seems like there's some misunderstanding here. It wasn't like I was refusing because I don't feel any charm from Mishima.
"That… It's…"
I tried to explain my feelings, but I couldn't find the right words. I was speechless.
"It's not something you did or anything like that. I think of you like Hashimoto or Endou, much closer than other colleagues, but…"
It's not like I thought Mishima was unattractive. In fact, it's the opposite. "I just thought, what would we even talk about after exchanging contact
info?"
"Huh?"
Mishima looked surprised at my words. I continued, thinking that if I stopped now the message I wanted to explain would become ambiguous, and it would be impossible to recreate this situation again.
"What I'm saying is, I'm a boring and uninteresting person. Exchanging contact info with a person like me, you wouldn't have any fun conversations. Also, I'm a person who avoids talking to many people… I won't send a message without any purpose, and even if someone sends me one, I wouldn't be able to reply with anything fun and nifty."
I desperately tried to convey my feelings. As I voiced my feelings, I was strangely objective. I wondered if I had been thinking such things.
However, Mishima gradually showed a stern look as she listened. When I finished, she opened her mouth impatiently.
"No, no, no… Hah… What do you mean? I don't get it." Mishima spoke with a quiver in her voice. She scratched her head,
looking confused.
"So, that's what you're saying." Mishima looked me straight in the eye.
"You're trying to say that you aren't interesting enough to exchange contact info without a good reason, is that it?"
"W-Well… To put it simply, yeah." "Hah… Really?"
Mishima sighed dramatically. "I think you're stupid." "What?"
"No, not 'think.' I believe you're stupid. Yoshida-senpai's stupid." "Huh? Why are you so hostile all of a sudden?"
I was surprised and confused at the same time at Mishima's sudden
outburst. She looked even angrier at my response.
"It's either you're stupid or arrogant! You decide on everything based on your own personal values. Sometimes I thought that was a good thing, but now it's the worst thing."
Mishima spoke faster and faster. But what she was saying pierced my heart. Kanda-senpai just told me the same thing yesterday.
"Yoshida-senpai, you might be satisfied with that, but what about my feelings?"
"What do you mean your feelings?" "That's because… tch."
Mishima widened her eyes. She was obviously infuriated. She inhaled deeply, dropped her shoulders, and then breathed out slowly. She looked like she was about to shout, but stopped.
"…I suppose I wanted to exchange contact info with you, Yoshida- senpai."
"Well, I guess… You did forcefully exchange it just now."
"If I didn't want to trade contact info, do you think I would have taken your phone just now?"
"…I guess not." "Of course not."
Mishima sighed and spoke in a soft voice.
"Even me. It's not like I exchange contact info with everyone. In fact, you're the only one I asked within the company."
She glanced at me but quickly looked away. I thought her cheeks looked redder than usual.
"I asked because I like you, Yoshida-senpai."
Mishima said that and after a brief pause, she continued. "…To some extent."
"To some extent, huh?"
As I repeated her words, Mishima puffed with an unsatisfied expression and sighed.
"Anyway, I wanted your contact info, that's why I forcefully exchanged it. Are you satisfied with that?"
"Well… if you say so, I've no choice but to be satisfied."
I nodded, which caused Mishima to sigh again before picking up her chopsticks as if suddenly remembering them. That reminded me that we were
still in the middle of a meal. I looked at the bowl in front of me. The noodles were clearly soggy. I hurriedly took a mouthful of the soft noodles. They were soggy to such an extent that they didn't even feel like noodles anymore. They tasted bad.
For a few minutes, we ate in silence, until Mishima finished her salmon and talked.
"…If it's not a bother, I'll invite you to a movie again."
Mishima said that and sipped her clam miso soup as if to hide her embarrassment.
"Okay…"
I gave a short reply and finished my noodles. What I think and what others want.
I can only look using my own views. Still, I was reminded exactly just how much I have been looking at everything using my own views, by Kanda- senpai yesterday and Mishima today.
I always thought that "it's hard to talk to women because I can't catch their pace." Maybe, I was someone hard to communicate with as well.
I feel like this is a very difficult situation.
Even though I know the world doesn't revolve around me, no matter how much I try, the place I stand is still the center of my world.
The smartphone in my pocket suddenly vibrated, so I quickly took it out.
It was a message from 'Yu.'
「 Your noodles went soggy, right? Looks terrible. 」
When I saw the message, I frowned. It's your fault. I wanted to say it out loud but I held back.
Mishima could've just spoken directly, instead of messaging me in the app. This probably means I should reply in the messaging app too.
「 These are the worst Chinese noodles I've ever eaten. 」
I replied, to which Mishima giggled. Then she looked at me. "Yoshida-senpai, you're honest like a child."
Mishima giggled again.
"That's also something I like about you."
Mishima said amidst her laughter. Seeing that, I smiled along.
I wondered how I should understand her words. I snuck a glance at her expression, but it only seemed like she was saying it casually. In the end, I didn't find out anything.